Mondo Beyondo

While surfing on Daisies blog, I stumbled onto a project called Mondo Beyondo. I decided to join... so to close out 2007 officially, I'm going to post some questions she asked and my answers:

Mondo Beyondo 2008 Part One: Completing

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?

In 2007, I faced the death of my Father, and survived and even grew from the experience. I learned a ton about myself in 2007... Hmm... i think I'll read my blog and put some updates on here:


In January:
Took my first painting class.
Envisioned my future, and began working to make it a reality.
Began to deal with the abuse of my father, and the fear it left behind.


In Febuary:
My dad fell out of his wheelchair, and was hospitalized.
I did a deep analysis of my emotions and their "on/off switch"
I got the call that eventually changed my life.
I made the decision to turn off my father's life support.


In March:
I coped with the wierd timing of grief.
Won my first battle with the ivy in my back yard
Found my lost hope!
Battled the evil Demons-of-Loan-getting


In April:
I committed to being open with my grief, and asked for support.
I noticed a connection between housecleaning and shame.


In May:
I redefined what "family" is to me.
Became the OFFICIAL owner of my home!
Cut my leg on dirt.
Bonded with my cousin Jane.


In June:
I had a chance encounter that filled me with my father's love.
Realized my detachment was a serious problem.
Bought an amazing new digital camera.
I became ENGAGED!


In July:
I closed one chapter in my life, and started another.
Bonded with my Mommy.
Examined my abuse-related anger.


In August:
I learned the healing power of shared grief.
I fought, and lost, the second battle with poison ivy.
I taught Jakey cool expressions to say.


In September:
My Ohana (family) grew!
My local Ohana did nice things for me!


In October:
I had counseling, and made progress!
I went to the Creative Bazaar!
I found out the bank had completely screwed me over.
I became a dark elf.


In November:
I collaged an ornament!
My local Ohana cracked... split... and in December, eventually they all drifted when I needed them most.
Emotionally bottomed out.

In December:
I had an ephiphany!
I hosted the Week of Remembrance.
Had nightmares about my wedding.

So, my year in review.... I learned A TON of artistic skills, stepped out of my comfort zone, and found ways to put my HEART into my ART. I faced the death of my father and the death of my Ohana... and emerged having learned amazing things about myself and those around me. One of the hardest, most life-changing, and DEFINATELY most rewarding years of my life!

2. What is there to grieve about 2007?

I lost my Father in 2007... and when he was sick, I talked to my dad's girlfriend, and she mentioned the things he had done to her... how he'd treated her... negative things for sure. I joined the conversation... and I fear that he heard it and that is why he died. I fear that is why I never "hear" from him like other people do from their loved ones. But really... after that, I told him how much I DID love him... how I wanted him to hold on, how I needed him.... and tears rolled down his cheeks. I know he heard that, too. I know he felt me by his side every time visiting hours were opened... heard me singing to him, reading to him, and just being there... So today I am forgiving myself.

I am still grieving the loss of my Ohana... still fighting the fear that it crumbled because I was not enough to keep everyone together... that if I had prayed more, been there more, not going to Massachusetts,... we would still be an Ohana. I'm grieving the loss of their help in making wedding preparations, and all of the fun that could have been. But it's over... and I have DEFINATELY learned some lessons from this.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete? I need... to thank God for a very interesting 2007... and especially say "THANK GOD IT'S OVER!!!!!!!" lol

I declare 2007 complete!!!!!!!!!!

(Tears are honestly rolling down my face as I say that.... it's so powerful to close that painful chapter of my past, know that it's my past... and that the future is wide open to new dreams!!!)

Thanks so much Andrea, for thinking this up!