Dancing & Life

Last night was my second dance party, following a pre-party Waltz class. I struggled a lot, but I had a LOT of fun. I can now do some basic steps in: Foxtrot, ChaCha, Rumba, East Coast Swing, Merangue, and since none of us were giving requests to the DJ, we all learned a line dance.... which was surprisingly HARD physically. I was like... wow.

Talked to a lady there who teaches belly dancing on the campus I work at... she does that on Monday nights, so I may join the fun. They're free, and since this month will be my last regular dance class for a while as we save up money to pay for books for my classes in January... this might be a fun option for me.

I still don't feel like I have any control over my body... I still feel like the uncoordinated kid in the corner who people choose last for EVERY sports team. I wonder how long I have to dance before my body feels like it's mine, ya know?

I've become depressed. This new job, recurring grief over my dad, upcoming holidays, financial issues, combined with the normal crap (the house isn't clean, at all, because I've been depressed. I'm more depressed because the house is dirty. I'm depressed because I feel fat and ugly. Since I'm depressed, I overeat and just want to sleep all the time, thereby making myself gain more weight...) has just been too much. I need to talk to a doctor about happy pills, but that brings us back to the financial issues... I owe money to the doctor (stupid insurance switch at my old job, I didn't realized they weren't paying my doctor bills til it was too late.), so I can't get in to see her until I pay... and even if I did, I couldn't afford the prescription...

Basically, every area of my life is out of control... and I'm cracking. So, I'll go back to making collages, spending time with myself, letting myself heal... perhaps that will be enough to get me through.

I DID IT!!!!!

Tonight, I had dance class....

And I did it right!!!!!!!!

I struggled, A LOT, but in the end I danced and I danced and I got the dance RIGHT! My instructor gave me compliments, TWICE!!!!!!!

In all honestly, life has been really hard lately and my self-esteem has flat-lined... it seems like every area of my life is in chaos... I can't do things right in any of them. My house is a mess, I can't seem to get things done fast enough at work (we have a horrible backlog... the person before me died in like... June? lots of work to catch up on), the bills are out of control, and so on and so forth...

But one little thing, done right, made me feel like a million bucks, and I am SO holding on to that.

OH! And I did a turn, without trouble! I was the first girl to get it right! Hehe that rocked too.

GOAL!

Today I've been looking over my list of 101 Things in 1001 Days, and checking out my progress. A few that I completed at least part of:

6. Crochet 2 garments for myself (a sweater, skirt, etc... something big) (0/2) - White shrug finished in September

32. Take one dance class or buy another dance video - Finished Cha-Cha classes 10/28 (By the way, these were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fun!!!!!! We've already signed up for another class next month, East Coast Swing!)

78. Make a budget - Done 10/3 (For all the good it did us... with the job changes, that did NOT go well!)

A few that I've made progress on:

1. Read the entire Bible - On Deuteronomy 22
2. Memorize one scripture from each book in the Bible (3/52) - Genesis 1:1, Exodus 14:14, Leviticus 26:13
30. Complete Spanish the Easy Way - On Chapter 21 (I was on 20 when I started back at it... slow progress, but better than nothing!)
42. Make and keep one e-mail penpal for at least 6 months - Started chatting on Oct 23 (And in Spanish, even!!!! Does this make up for my lack of progress on #30? lol)
45. Go to 10 community events (for fun, not business) (2/10) Farmers Market, Asian Cooking Class, (I haven't been to either of these in over a month, but they are both excellent things to do.)

So, yeah. I feel like a bit of a loser for not doing more, but I have had a lot of other things going on in the meantime.

In other news, my work is going better... James's schedule for work may be changing yet again (we'll see) now that one member of management there has been suspended w/o pay after being arrested with marijuana, and another was fired today for sexual harassment... I'm loving dance classes and life in general... looking forward to Halloween weekend at Kim's house, which is always an adventure lol.

Okay, I'm off to bed now... love to you all, and apologies for not bloghopping at the moment... sooner or later I'll get back in the swing of this!

Political Rumor?

I heard a rumor that one reason this presidential race is so critical to our nations future is that several Supreme Court justices are waiting for a Democrat to come into office so they can retire. Does anyone know how exactly I could verify this?

In other news...

*I'm exhausted. Like, the "how am I gonna stay awake til bedtime" kind of exhausted, where you just wanna nap wherever you are at.

*My hair is thinning really badly... like, the front part, that people first see when they look at me. I'm trying some new vitamins for it, we'll see how that works.

*My ear infection from May is still around, and gave me another bad dizzy spell on Friday. HOW ANNOYING! Can't wait to get medical insurance again.

*Tomorrow is my next dance class, and James is supposed to be going with me! We'll be learning the Cha-Cha!!!!!!!

I'll have more updates at a later point in time...

Dancing Lesson #1

Today I summoned up all of my courage, and went to my first ever dancing class... SO. FUN.

I went in and we started to learn the Rhumba... the dance itself was not so hard, but then they added turns...

My turns were seriously jacked up, and by halfway through the class I was ready to leave and cry... but I didn't. I stayed, I learned other complicated things they added in (while still screwing up the turns)... and I actually had a fun time. Afterwords they had a party where everyone danced different dances, and instructors would randomly ask you to dance and then teach you the dance... I learned a bit of the Foxtrot, Merangue (OMW. I love love love the merangue... SO FUN!!!!!), Waltz, and some other random dances I've forgotten.

I was stiff, I was scared to death... but going to the class brought me one step closer to the person I want to be... the person inside, who isn't afraid to try new things and possibly look like an idiot in the process... and in a week and a half, I start Cha Cha classes!!!!!! WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Some highlights of my night:

*I danced with Lady Heather from CSI... it was seriously wierd. First, it was wierd, cuz I was dancing with a girl, and my eye level was also her boob level (because she was tall and wearing heels, and I of course am short, and I was wearing flats.) It was extra-specially wierd because she looked like Lady Heather, Grissoms frightningly awesome dominatrix friend/lover?.

*I made two new friends, despite feeling completely out of my element.

*I realized I need some comfy heels, since I am short and even the tall girls wear heels there.

*I only stopped dancing less than an hour ago, and my body is already showing it's displeasure with aches and pains.

*I realized that I love turns in unstructured settings... my skirt is all like WHOOSH! and I'm spinning all around... OMW! SO fun. *happy sigh* My inner child remembers doing this in her younger years, and is deeply happy to be able to be doing it again.