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So, my life has completely gone down the toilet. We're still not done in the house. We still can't live in the house. James is living with Pam and Tim to be close to his job. I'm living with Karima to be close to my job.

No, our marriage is not over, we are not seperating except physically while we try to salvage our financial life, get heat turned on in our house, and destroy the evil substance known as mold from our casa. I won't go into the crap I'm taking for this, the humiliation in front of the students at my job (thanks mother-in-law, that was kind. But in happy news, all of my friends hate you, which does give me a warm and fuzzy feeling.), and in front of my coworkers because of hateful gossips. (And if you want to give me advice concerning my marriage, right now is not the time, unless you can avoid thrown objects VERY well, because my aim completely rocks.)

I've learned a lot from it... like the fact that when I went off of my anti-anxiety medicine and thought my life was so much better... I was really just making my life into a bubble. I cut everyone but my husband out... barely saw friends, avoided family, and made my home into my refuge filled with peace and art and love. Now I can't hide... my refuge is gone... and I'm falling apart. Debating medication again, but trying to see if I can make it on my own, learn from this experience, maybe grow through it.

Completely filled with anger right now... anger at life, at people, at everything. Depressed... but making it. Still working on my house, still living my life, just not really myself at the moment. Dealing with social anxiety, crap at work, feeling like a failure to God, my husband, my friends... completely imperfect and not at all okay with it.

But whatever. Life is wierd, and crazy, and people suck... but some people don't suck. I've lost my peace and security, but I've gained a friend who is now my sister... which is fun and interesting. The Princess will be introduced to you all in a later post.

For now I need to mud a wall so James can sand it tomorrow, and then I can paint when I get home. Wooo hooo! Each drop of paint, each glob of mud neatly smeared, brings us one step closer to moving back into my home. Until that day comes... I'm gonna jump into this wierdly imperfect new life I've found... make new friends, enjoy my new social life, and just generally rock the world with my awesome cuteness.

Or possibly just take a nap.

Merry Christmas and Happy Plumbing!

Christmas Eve, going crazy with Christmas preps...

But finally, today, we have a functional toilet! Ours had been leaking and then plugged. Now it FLUSHES!!!!!!! *happy dance*

By the way, WHY would the plumber need to repeatedly use our MICROWAVE? Must ask hubby about this when he gets home from shopping.

Also, I have to rant for a moment about the suckiness of my brother-in-law. We had volunteered to watch his two kids today before the family gathering, and so I decided that since this is the ONLY time the kids (K-Girl, age 2; K-Boy, age 6 months) had even been to my house... I was going to make it special. My brother-in-law was going to drop them off on his way to work (he works 5 minutes from our house), about 2:30... and then I decided that K-Girl and I were going to decorate cookies together. I bought packages of cookie cutters, sprinkles, all the fun stuff my mom and I had when we made cookies together... scrubbed and child-proofed my house... got the cookie dough ready...

And waited...

And waited...

And waited...

2:45 he called... he was running late, and decided to drop the kids off at our aunt's house instead. I am still BEYOND disappointed... I had been talking about this at work, how I was going to make cookies with my niece and was so excited... Grr.

So basically, I will see my neice for maybe 5 minutes, and hold my nephew for a max of 2 minutes before the aunts (who see the kids all the time) take him out of my arms...

People suck.