Small Changes = Big Results

Tonight when I got home I was inspired by a post I read at Melba's blog today, and decided to start writing a list of my goals at the beginning of each month. I tried to KIS (Keep It Simple)... I know that small changes, over time, have amazing impacts. I didn't want to be any more overwhelmed by my goals than I already am. This month has not only Christmas, but already tax work has started (I had a message today asking if I'd work Saturdays... of course! $$ is good!) After debating about it through the day, here are the goals I decided on: (click on the pic to make it larger)Now it's my bedtime, and I need to be up kinda early in the morning for our first REAL wintery day! (Sleet, freezing rain, and other icky weather stuff) Perfect weather to read a book (Battlestar Galactica) curled up in bed, waiting for sleep to come.

Vow of Kindness - Take 1

This week I decided to try something new. I had decided that I was way too abrasive to the people that call into my job each day, and made a vow to myself that I was going to be nice to everyone who called my job. I'm not always nice on the phone... too many times when I pick up the phone I just think of a voice, not about the person who it belongs to, or about the things they're going through that day. I want to be someone who brightens the day of people who call, someone that people look forward to chatting with. So yesterday I tried it.

I have several incidents I'd like to rant about, but it's past my bedtime, so let me just sum it all up by saying:

I failed. I flopped. I sucked.

But tomorrow is a new day, filled with new challenges and possibly nice yummy chinese food. I'm not giving up, I'm going to try again... I really DO want my words to be a gift to others.

Eph 4:29 Watch the way you talk... Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Monday Madness

Happy Monday everyone!!!!

Today is an interesting day... I came in to 450 new e-mails in my main account, and 250 new blog posts on my bloglines... wow!!! NanoBlogmo is really filling my bloglines LOL

I accomplished SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much this weekend!!!! I went on a massive cleaning binge Friday, alternating between cleaning, tax homework, and a Nancy Drew computer game. When bedtime came i couldn't sleep, so I ended up missing tax class Saturday to finish the cleaning I wanted to accomplish. I'm 80% done with the cleaning I wanted to accomplish, so tonight I'll either visit my Grandma and then finish, or finish that tonight and visit Grandma tomorrow. I'm SOOOOOOOOO close to being done!!!! I may drink a little caffine today (only like half a can) to get in the mood to clean. It would feel SOOOOOOOOOO good to have a clean house! Yep, that's what I'll do. Then tomorrow, I will visit my Grandma after work, and be able to come home and only do homework and work on my COLLAGE that I want to do soooooooo badly! (And watch NCIS of course. LOL)

So tonight's goals are:
Make bed
Clean off Dresser
Empty box of Misc. junk
Clean bedroom til spotless - In progress, 95% done
Wash dishes - SuperRoomie did it!
Pack lunch for tomorrow
Find, love & feed Princess Stripey (the kitten)
Sort through drawers while watching Heroes - Collaged instead

Thankful Thanksgiving

I just got back from my cousin's house and thought I'd tell you all a few of the things I'm extra-specially thankful for today... but first of all let me just post one small "thot". *giggle*

I have always wondered what on earth possessed people to ride a motorcycle. I mean, they're loud, they offer you no protection from oncoming cars, and just looked really hard to keep upright!!!!!

And then I rode one.

OMW I am SO stinkin' addicted now!!!!!!!!!!! My cousin Adam and I took a short ride yesterday and a long one today and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I plan to call James tomorrow and tell him he needs to get one. *giggle*

Anyway... things I'm thankful for:

• My Aunt Ferol, who I took home (and got back to the nursing home ONE HOUR AND 45 MINUTES LATE!!! *giggle*). SHE ROCKS!!!!!!! Who knew? (Amy, did you know how cool Aunt Ferol was?) How did I know her so many years and never have a clue she was SO wicked cool?!
• Aunt Barbara's pumpkin dump cake with fancy stuff added... amazingly cool!!!
• Finding out that my 11 year old cousin and I have matching slippers!!!!!!! *giggle*
• Watching "You, Me, & Dupree" (funny but way too sexual) and "Cars" (I laughed SOOOOOOOO hard!!!!! I love Fred!!!!!!!! "Andretti knows my name!!!!" *giggle snort*)
• Family. Family is precious. We don't always see eye to eye, but we all love each other, forgive each other, and work on looking past each other's faults. I hope my family always stays together. I've decided that family unity is something worth fighting for.
• MY NEW CAMERA PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You all will have SO many pics to look at... as soon as I figure out how to send them. LOL At the moment I'm busy browsing ringtones. :o)
• NANCY DREW GAMES!!!! A lady at my church heard that I had been playing them, and since she is totally obsessed with them, she lent me two of the games I didn't have yet!!!!
• God's patience. I have no idea how or why he puts up with me sometimes, but he does, and I'm way grateful.

Each Word a Gift

Now, as you all know, I've been going through one of those annoyingly rough periods in my life. Many times I've asked God why things are this way, why I feel so alone, and mainly why it seems like everyone in my life has something to criticise me about.

And last night I found the answer. You know, I used to be a horribly critical person. I was always telling people what was wrong, pointing out flaws, reminding them that their bad behavior was bad... (as if they didn't know?!) and just generally using my mouth to tear others down.

But in the last year, suddenly everything changed! Suddenly the shoe was on the other foot, and let me tell you that I have CHANGED!!! Critical people absolutely drive me nuts now. I've been REALLY watching what I say and how I say it anymore... because no one likes to be criticized, and it does WAY more harm than good. Criticism brings people down, hurts their feelings, shatters their self-esteem...

I want the words I say to lift people up, to encourage them, to give them hope and build their self-esteem.

Ephesians 4:29 says this: "Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." (The Message)

Is that not the most awesome thought? "Each word a gift." That's my prayer today. Let my words be something others will treasure in the hard times in their lives... not haunting echoes reminding them of all their failures.

Slippers & Socks

<---- As promised, here is a pic of my new socks And my new slippers ---->

Are they not both just TOO stinkin cute??? I love them!! I have the blue ones in all different colors, and I think they're my new favorite. I also bought one AWESOME pair of toe socks, but I forgot to scan thaem so y'all can see. But trust me, they are CUTE as can be!!!!! *giggle*

Monday Mumblings

I just thought I'd pop in here to say...

Umm...I have nothing to say really.

But this is a blog, so I have to share my deep innermost feelings with you.

So down in the depths of my soul today, I feel:

Indigestion.

Hehe just kidding, although I am eating some chili mac and probably will have that later.

Honestly, I had an emotional outlet day yesterday (picture: long crying spell) so my emotions are all rather numb today. I think everything was just getting to me... and then the sermon my pastor preached was completely relevant to that, so I just quietly cried through church (which is acceptable at my church, so that was nice), and through the afternoon. I chatted with my pastors wife after church and felt better, so that was cool. I also went SHOPPING!!!! I bought 3 packs of badly-needed socks, a pair of slippers, a sweater ($9), 3 clearance skeins of yarn ($1 each for black suede-ish yarn), got my oil changed, and picked out a new yummy-smelling body wash! I'll scan pics of the socks & slippers later, they are TOOO cute!!!!

Now it's back to another half-week of work. Tonight's goals: finish chapter 4's tax test, read chapter 7, eat, finish the two dishcloths I'm working on, scan pics to my blog, make a dessert for work tomorrow, clean some in the kitchen, watch Heroes (*stage whisper* Save the Cheerleader, Save the World!), have some Bible-study time, and clean some in the bedroom. I'll be updating that list as I get things done tonight! :)

Todays "warm-fuzzy bonding question":

What are your plans for Thanksgiving?

What will you do, what will you eat,...?

Saturday Sleepyness

Well, here I am, Saturday night, having accomplished almost nothing today, and it was WONDERFUL!!! I went to tax class, and was actually at the same point as the rest of the class (they hadn't finished chapter 7 either lol). We talked about the chapter and then had a "work day" until class ended. With this being a short work-week, I should be able to get caught up or at least close to caught up this weekend! Yeah!!!!!

I came home, changed into jammies, and have not done much the rest of the day. Had a migrane unfortunately, but still a nice day overall. Vacuumed, did some cleaning, loved and fed Psychokitty... vegged on my computer looking for crochet patterns for some new hats. Crocheted some on a dishcloth, knitted some on a different dishcloth, had a chat and visit with my Mommy, studied for an article I'm writing, and watched some true crime.

Now it's bedtime, but I just wanted to stop in for a few and say THANKS so much for those of you who left supportive comments yesterday. You have NO idea how much I appreciated those! You kept me going guys!!!!! *hugs to all of my bloggin buds*

Friday Feelings

Well, it's 4PM Friday (nope, not in jammies yet, i have to get the dishes done before I change or my jammies will get soaked lol) and I have HOPE!!!!!!! I checked my voice mail, and found out that the kids thingy tonight it CANCELED!!!! I think that will free up JUST enough time for me to make it through the tax class! YEAH!!!!!! *happy dance*

So you all are going to be my accountability partners today... I'm giving myself stages of things to do, and also allowing time to watch Stargate and BSG tonight. A girl needs SOME fun, right? (I'll be doing things during them, like reading chapters or braiding my hair, but still):

Stage 1:

Chapter 3 Test Problem
Chapter 4 Test Problem
Put up clean laundry
Gather dirty laundry
Sort & do laundry
Put up clean dishes
Wash dishes
Change into Jammies

Stage 2:
Eat something
Read Chapter 7 test
Read Chapter 7 text - in progress - 5%

Stage 3:
Wash more laundry
Fold/hang up laundry
Re-read Chapter 6
Chapter 6 homework problem - in progress - 75%
Chapter 6 test problem- in progress - 60%
Stay awake until BSG
Watch BSG (very good episode BTW! I luv Saul!!)
Sleep

Overwhelmed?

Well, here I am again. Since you all were like "What?!" the last time I mentioned that I'd been feeling overwhelmed for a few months, I've committed to be a little more honest about my inner workings.

I feel overwhelmed today. My house is a horrible mess. My tax homework is still behind, and getting worse. My grandma is still in the hospital. I'm still sick. I am exhausted all day, until the minute I lay down in bed and then suddenly I'm WIDE awake (coughing, blowing my nose,...). I worked overtime Wednesday (12 hour shift), had kids stuff last night, have kids stuff tonight, tax class tomorrow morning, church Sunday, and then next week is the holidays.

I'm thinking about quitting the tax classes, but I only have 3 more weeks of them. But I'm so tired... I don't know if I can keep this up. I just want to NAP!!!!! I haven't exercised in over a week, my laundry is piled up, I haven't had time to do anything creative, and I just feel like I'm spinning in circles. I don't want to spend every minute of my holiday trying to cram in tax exercises. But I would really like to be able to hold my head up high and say "I FINISHED THE CLASS!!!!" But another part of me wonders what the point is? A few cents more per hour at a part-time job? Is it really worth this stress?

So now you have my dilema.

In other news... my cell phone is now dismembered. Seems my brand has a habit of falling apart (literally), so at least I'm not alone... but my phone is now sitting in two totally seperate pieces. Sometime this week I have to find the time to get it replaced.

Grandma is still in the hospital, they think it'll take her a few weeks for her body to re-absorb the blood that was leaking. She's quite uncomfortable I'm sure. Please keep her in your prayers.

In HAPPIER news (I hate it when my blogs are really negative) the kids night last night went GREAT... we watched Madame Blueberry (which is about being thankful and not whiney...) and then broke up into small groups to discuss thankfulness. The kids did a skit about the Bible story of 10 lepers (think: disease that rots off your flesh) being healed by Jesus, and only one saying thanks, and TOTALLY hammed it up!!!! I told the 9 unthankful ones to just run away all happy and jumping... they WAY overdid it and it was hilarious!!!!

One of the girls was attached to me the whole night. She's like 9 and absolutely adorable... I couldn't hardly move an inch (literally) without her following me. She helped me with everything I did, stayed late to help us clean, played the keyboard with me, and sang the most PRECIOUS song. I plan to videotape her singing it next time. It was absolutely beautiful.

"My kids" are beyond precious.

OH, and the happiest news of all? I have a TON more MSN emoticons, and now I have MOODS for my display pics too!!! *giggling*

Prayer Request

Hey guys, I got a call from my mom last night (right before my cell phone broke in HALF, literally) saying that my grandma was having complications... (she's recovering from a stroke). Evidently one of her blood-thinning medications is working a little TOO much and they think Grandma is bleeding internally. Please please keep her in your prayers.

AEM Postings

Well, one of my favorite things about sick days is that I get to watch 3 episodes of Star Trek! One of DS9 and 2 TNGs! I was laying down on the couch, trying to decide how I could best spend my much-beloved sick day, when I thought how much fun it would be to draw Star Trek stuff!!! Most of the ones I started are not done... It's hard to draw things from glimpses on TV, so I'm having to look them up online to get them on paper. Here are the ones that I DID get finished:


I absolutely LOVE Data!!!! Excuse his lack of face, hands, and feet... I have SO much trouble drawing those, I didn't even try in this tiny of a scale yet. I drew his body yesterday, but finally had to look online for pics of him to see how the bottom half of his uniform fit.

I never realized how slumped his shoulders are until I tried to draw him... *pondering that* And never realized how many different uniforms the Federation people wore... or that the standard uniforms (like Data is wearing) have black on the sides, under the arms.

For those of you who draw, is it normal to notice a ton more details when you start to draw something?

Anyway, there's a real pic of him here if you want to compare.

When I get better at this whole sketching thing, I'll add his face, and hands, and feet... it's no good to have an android without hands!!! LOL


And here is a picture of one of the cool races of people from Star Trek: A Romulan. I have named her Roma of Romulas. Romulans have the cutest little eyebrows and pointed ears just like Vulcans... I think Romulans & Vulcans are distant cousins or something?

Here's a picture of Deanna Troi made up to look like a Romulan if you want to see what one looks like.

Anyway, she was fun to draw and my first serious attempt at drawing a face!

Go Jana!!!! *doing the Geiko dwarf dance*

Not bad for someone who is learning to draw from a book about drawing comic figures huh?

This is beside the point... but one of my favorite school memories is from when I was in about 6th grade. We'd had art class that day, and watched a movie about how to draw faces. I think we got to practice in class, and I LOVED IT! When we got on the bus that night (for my ONE HOUR bus ride home) I decided to draw one of the little girls on the bus. I took all the things we'd learned, and drew her. I drew her hair using the lines her hair made, her braid, even her freckles!!! She loved it (she was younger than me) and I was so proud!!! I don't know what happened after that, but I never drew another one... like maybe when I started taking it seriously, it lost it's magic? I always wished I had kept that up.

Categories: Artsy, Trekie

Tuesday Tales

Well, as you can see, I'm still alive. (*using best Monty Python immitation* I'm not dead! I'm still alive!)

(Sorry, every time I hear the words "I'm still alive" it makes me think of us obsessively watching the Grail movie and playing the matching computer game. That was back in high school... in fact, I modeled one of my high school English papers after the green knight (or was he the black knight? I don't know... anyway, he was a knight in the Grail movie I think) and got a great grade and lots of praise! For some reason, I'm craving that movie today. I must be sicker than I realized.

Anyway. *pulling self back to reality*

I'm still sick but I did go to work today... was going to leave early, but my coworker had to leave early too so that wouldn't work. I made it through the day though!!

PsychoKitty was badly hurt this weekend... we don't know WHAT exactly happened, but her little mouth was SOOO swollen! I was really worried, but there is absolutely NO money for a vet visit... the first day she just broke my heart, it was like it hurt her to even move, and she randomly hissed with pain. :o( I gave her extra love, prayed for her, and gave her some milk (which she didn't drink she was too sick.) The next day she was a little better, and we mixed milk in with her kitty food so it would go down better. Yesterday she was MUCH more alert and the swelling had gone down. Today, she was meowing and eating like normal, and the swelling is almost gone! No idea what happened to her, but she's better.

My cousin Amy had her baby!!!!!! I have a new baby little cousin!!!!!! I'm excited! It's a boy, and Amy and the baby are doing good!!

Despite the lack of posting, I have NOT been neglecting AEM. I have quite a few half-finished projects sitting around here... hopefully I'll get them all finished tonight and make one very long AEM post lol

So, that being said... I'm going to lay down, study my tax homework, watch Star Trek, work on my AEMs, and just generally rest!

Categories: Psychokitty, AEM, Python

Where Is Jana?

*singing to the tune of "Where is Thumbkin" or however you spell his name*

Where is Jana?
Where is Jana?
She is sick.
She is sick.
Sick in bed with strep throat.
Sick in bed with strep throat.
But returning soon.
But returning soon.

Artwork - PT

This week's (completely and totally optional) theme for Poetry Thursday was to make an "artists date" with yourself and refill your well of creativity... and then write about the process. Well, I wasn't particularly thinking of that when I spent some time Tuesday night making my campaign poster for AEM, but I was so excited to be making something, for it to be turning out how I wanted, re-discovering the childlike feelings that came with it, and just enjoying having sparkly paint, that I decided to write about that moment for my poem for the week:

Artwork

Sparkles on paper
Glitter on a brush
Painting and drawing
Can give you such a rush!

Flowers and peace signs
Sunshine and trees
Can you give me a crayon
To finish them please?

Sitting at the table
Paint sparking on my hands
Thinking and dreaming
About far-away lands

Happily sighing
Surrounded by art
Peace and contentment
Now fill my heart

Categories: Artsy, PT, AEM, Poetry

Vote For Jana! - AEM

Yesterday as I voted, I was very annoyed. I was annoyed because the candidates sucked. I was annoyed because for months, the candidates have aired commericials doing nothing but mudslinging. I was annoyed because I couldn't find out WHAT the candiates stood for. I was seriously annoyed because our House & Senate have become a pathetic group of "party-poopers" who will only poop where their party tells them to. No integrity, no sense of voting for what is right....

But ya wanna know what REALLY ticked me off?

It really ticked me off, when I finally finished voting... and didn't get a sticker. I ALWAYS get a sticker when I vote! What the heck is wrong with our country, when people don't get a sticker when they vote?!!!

I've decided it's time for a change! I've decided it's time to STOP THE INSANITY. I've decided it's time for a new voice for the people!

Vote for Jana, Ruler of the World!!!!!!!

I'm Jana Banana, and I approve this message! (Okay, only Indiana people will get that one lol)

*This commercial was brought to you by AEM and the Campaign to Elect Jana to Rule the World.

Categories: AEM, Politics, Funny

Not a Slacker!!!!!

I am officially NO LONGER an AEM slacker!!! I just made the funnest art project yet! Unfortunately, I can't show you it until it's dry. :o( If I wake up during the night I'll scan it, or else before work in the AM.

I also visited my Grandma tonight and she was doing SOOOOOOOOOO good!!! She was worn out when I got there (should have visited BEFORE eating instead of after) but so much more alert! She talked to us more, and seemed to be feeling much better (except some unrelated problems that have GOT to hurt like heck!!)

I also talked to a friend on the phone. I needed a break from the family drama & life stresses, and I feel like God knew that and sent me a "smiley face kind of evening." Thanks God!! :o)

Tuesday Toodlings

I'm not sure if I should apologize for being an AEM slacker, or be proud of myself for trying to get my life together. I think I'm gonna be proud. :o)

Yesterday at work I decided to make myself some daily to-do lists, so I can keep track easier of what I need to get done each day and figure out how I'm progressing.

I went to the tax office after work and picked up a new chapter that has to be read by Saturday, 4 tests to do, and some random homework info. I came home, made myself two seperate to-do lists, and got busy. The kitchen table was spotless, my bed made, random cleaning done, clothes washed, an episode of Heroes taped to watch tonight, and one of the tax tests is mostly done. I sent another e-mail to my cousin, another lesson in "almost complete honesty"... my list of people I need to be honest with soon is growing at a frightening rate.

I feel hopelessly behind on the tax stuff, and life in general... this week I have a full-time work everyday plus a visit with Grandma scheduled for tonight, church tomorrow, kids stuff Thursday, and then Friday is "try and cram all undone homework into an unreasonably short period of time" day.

At least I'm organized, that's definately a good start!!! :)

Sunday Salutations

Had an interesting weekend... started my period, which explains SO much about my emotions this past week. SO much!!!

Visited my Grandma yesterday and she's really doing good after a stroke last week. She was able to talk to us some, but I think they had her on some medicines that made her a little loopy. There were times when she made perfect sense (asked me if I could see okay as I crocheted, was happy that I hadn't had any migranes last week, etc.) but also times when she seemed too tired/frustrated to try to talk. And one of her nurses is SERIOUSLY annoying. I think she is taking too much Prozac... she is just WAY to nice and talked to us all (me, Mom, Grandma) like we were very small (and very stupid) children.

Got an e-mail back from my cousin, unimpressive really. The family drama has now shifted, with my family now yelling at my mom. (People who yell at my Mommy need to be punished!!!!!) BUT the good part of this is that my mom and I had an AWESOME AWESOME talk last night. I mean, probably the BEST talk we've had since I was a kid. Deeply therapeutic... it's nice to be able to talk to someone who has been there since your first day of breath, and ask them about the events that helped mold you into the person that you are. Especially when you know that person is honest enough to not excuse bad behavior... but to help you understand what in your personality makes you prone to it. Much easier to stop yourself from doing bad things, if you can figure out WHY you find yourself doing them over and over again.

And my dad heard my very angry voice mail on my phone and said whoever said I was a loser needed to be "thumped" and that if I give him a name he'll be happy to do the honors!!! *giggling* When I called him back, we talked for an HOUR AND A HALF!!!! An hour and a half! I never talk to my dad that long! And he didn't talk about suicide even once!!!!

I did find out why he didn't use the money I gave him for his divorce... I sent it through my dear uncle, and that uncle happened to fall upon some bad financial times... spent dad's divorce money, and then never paid him back!

Anyway.... I went to Walmart after church, grabbed a new pillow and some art supplies, and then came home. Slept from 1PM until 4:30, which is why I'm typing this at 1AM. lol I stayed home from church (still VERY nauseated), chatted with the roomate, cuddled with the kitty, and did my art project for the day... wanna see???


I have a book here that teaches you how to draw stuff. I'd tried to use it once before and it DID help me, but that was right before I moved here, and with all the craziness, I never got back to it. Well, today I decided to give it another try, and went to the chapter about drawing the human body. So in the picture you'll see a guy in some baggy ghetto pants (they didn't look as baggy as I wanted), the guy who sold me my car (yeah, scary!!!) and a model from my latest Newport News catalog... only short and round instead of tall and anorexic. LOL Gotta work on my proportions a little yet. This is the first time I tried to draw a real person, the first time I drew specific outfits, and the first time I ever used color! Now I just need to learn how to draw faces... Maybe later this week I'll try that!

Hmmm....

Okay, my mood has swung and the world is safe again. Everything in me wants to delete my last post, but since the things in it ARE true (albeit rather melodramatically expressed), I feel like it would be bad to delete it.

However, I feel no guilt about burying it under another post. So, let me tell you about life at this moment:

Right now, I'm sitting here in jammies, relaxed, with a facial mask drying on my face, getting ready to let the facial mask dry as I give myself a pedicure and do tax homework. In two hours I'll have another time with "my kids", watching a smaller group of them during an adult Bible study. We'll be enjoying a luxurious meal of peanut-butter & banana sandwiches, served with Kool-aid on the rocks. This is the first time with our little group, so I'm gonna ask them some questions about what they like to do, don't like to do, etc... then we'll just play silly games like old maid or go fish. :o) Or maybe play with play-dough. Or teach them to knit. Or crochet. Or just hang out. I dunno... I just want a fun, relaxing evening with the munchkins. I have every intention of just "winging it" tonight.

Regardless of what we do later though, let your minds be at ease that although my mind may be slightly warped and twisted, it is not lost. My mood's improved though since my last post (it lifted immediately after work ended... hmm... what a coincidence!!!! lol) and I will be just fine.

I'm off to pedicure and do homework (while watching STAR TREK TNG!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!), ciao for now!

Jana Today

Today, I feel like a tight little ball of emotional repression. My head hurts, I have no energy, and all I feel is a vague sense of sadness. I'm angry at my cousin again... she sends and e-mail attacking me, I reply, and it's been DAYS and no reply from her AT ALL. I know, it hasn't been that many days. And I know, I should be more patient. (I can't even spell that word, let alone act it out hahaha) But I'm upset, and it's eating at me. What if she doesn't reply? What if she stores all her inner anger and lets it all out at the next family holiday? What if she does and I loose it? I don't loose it. I never loose it. I'm ALWAYS IN CONTROL. I have no idea what would happen if I lost control of the anger. My reaction Monday scared me to death... I was HYSTERICAL! IN PUBLIC!!!! (and then cried uncontrolably for an hour, and at random intervals throughout this week) At my mom, who I love more than anyone else in this world! What on earth will happen if I loose control at a cousin, who I love but not that much?! I never loose control. Even when I'm angry, it's because I ALLOW the anger to surface. I am always still IN CONTROL.

I'm terrified of what resides inside me.

Categories: Anger, Depression, Family

Love Power!

Last night I worked on some art journal pages, and thought I'd share. I was going to post it last night but it was midnight and I was sleepy LOL

Since this is my first time posting art journal pages on blogger, please let me know if you can't read them. You SHOULD be able to click on the pics to get them bigger in a seperate window. I think. Let me know if that doesn't work though.

My love is more important than my words!

Categories: Love, Zuma, AEM, Artsy, Kids, Journal, Dreams

Poetry Thursday - Walking

Poetry Thursday's challenge this week was to create a poem based on a favorite line of a poem you've read. I absolutely ADORE the poem "Generations" by Pattiann Rogers. It starts out with this line: "They have been walking from the beginning" and several times in the poem this line appears: "They were walking".

I've been thinking a lot this week about family, what it means and what it is. This poem is the story of our family, based on the poem "Generations"

Walking

They have been walking from the beginning
Up the steps of a schoolhouse
His eyes following her every movement
As she played jacks with her friends

They walked together, hands entwined
Down an isle as husband and wife
And out of two hospital rooms
Bringing home bouncing baby girls

They walked slowly, their steps weighted
by a toddler and a baby on their hips
by the weight of a world at war
by the fear that this moment would be their last

They ran to each other, in a joyous reunion
Out of yet another hospital room
Another baby girl on her way
To a home filled with love and laughter

They walked in despair
Through the three broken marriages
Through broken hearts and shattered dreams
Through lives bruised by abuse

They walked with fear and prayer
Into a hospital sterile and cold
Where the shattered body of their daughter lay
In a coma for three months
And they walked with her out of the hospital too

They walked with joy and laughter
into a workshop where little hands played in sawdust
into a kitchen where she baked all the right things
and the dining room where they'd play games

And still they walked side by side
Watching the grandchildren grow up
and have children of their own
Pastoring a church
making an impact on their community

They walked with footsteps of compassion
into the nursing home where he lay
Feeding him his meals, sitting by his side
And just holding his hand

They walked with kleenexes into their hand
Into the church where he had once preached
To say their final goodbyes to the man they loved
The husband, the father, the grandpa, the friend

And still they walk
A family as diverse as it is large
They walk in laughter and in love
Growing closer together as the years go by.

Categories: Poetry, AEM, PT, Family, Grandpa

AEM & Overwhelmed

Ahhhhhhhhh!!! I just realized that Art Everyday Month starts TODAY!

Art Everyday Month means... that every day this month you will find me doing something creative on this blog. It might be a poem, a story, a piece of art, an art journal page, progress on something I'm knitting or crocheting, or even something I made out of PlayDoh! I'm REALLY REALLY excited about the possibilities!

Now, here are the rules:

You don't have to like my art. I'll be "playing" with art this month, and some of it will be crappy. Compliments are not required or expected, and I won't be offended if none are given.

So... LET THE CREATIVITY BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Categories: Artsy, AEM

Thankful Almost Thursday

I decided that since all week I've been on the warpath about family issues, that it was time for a Thankful Thursday post. (Well, actually, Eliza suggested it, cause she's so wise. And it sounded good, so I'm doing it.) It's not Thursday yet, so we're doing a Thankful "Almost Thursday" instead.

And since we've been ranting about family, lemme just tell you some memories of times with my cousins, which of course I'm really thankful for:

Dad's Family:

I remember T showing me how to type on her computer! It was the first time I'd ever even SEEN a computer!!! She had all kinds of cool stuff in her house. Books about ghosts, tons of video games, and a PUTER!!!! Cousins are so cool.

I remember JF and I getting into ALL kinds of trouble. Shooting the glass out of old pickup trucks in his yard (yeah, think redneck jokes), hiking through the woods after his grandma swore to my dad we'd stay inside ALL DAY... then waved goodbye to us as we went outside as soon as dad's car was outta sight! His grandma was SO cool!!! Bwahahahaha

I remember my cousin JL grabbing me up and throwing me in my little kiddie pool. I remember him and I sitting outside on the picnic table and throwing our peas over the fence and laughing! (Cousins teach you SUCH cool things!)

Mom's Side:

I remember my cousin D backing her car into the ditch on a snowy day and Grandma & Grandpa's house! *giggling*

I remember having "Girl Talk" with JD and C... JD was my older cuz by 9 years, and C was younger than me by 8 years... but we shut ther door and wouldn't let the boys (J&N) join the fun. *giggle* It made me feel good when I was little, and then when I was older it made C feel good to be included.

I remember crying to D in Grandpa's study about something going wrong in my life at the time, and her consoling me. Older cousins are awesome to talk to when you have a problem. She was the idolized older cousin, the one who was always trendy and cool. (In spite of some SERIOULY crazy hairdoos... hahaha)

Honesty compels me to tell poor Amy that she and JB were kinda background figures in my early years. I wasn't sure at all what to think of either of them! And weirdly enough, since the internet was created, guess which cousins I've grown closest too? Amy and JB!! I love the power of the internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And the fact that I can play Uno with N!!!!!! And keep up with what J&N are up to these days!) Cousins are WAY fun on the net!

So my bonding question for this week is...

What are your fav memories of YOUR cousins??

Categories: Family

Random Ramblings

I sent off a reply to my cousin (see my angry rant a few posts ago if you don't know what's that about), and was unusually blunt. Kinda proud of myself... I'm a definate "represser", so it's good that I actually shared how I felt. I may have went a little overboard though. *sigh* No reply from her yet. I guess we'll wait and see.

I'm sad this week, because Princess Jami is on her honeymoon, Mrs D is busy, and I have no one to chat with. I can't wait until Princess Jami is back. Now that she's married, does that make her Queen Jami? *thinking about this*

I raced two teenagers this week, and guess what? I DIDN"T LOOSE!!!!! D finished first, then me, and then X!!!! I guess the exercise I'm doing is paying off? I've still been exercising every morning (except I missed Saturday and Sunday, because I overslept) but the diet part hasn't been going well. Maybe tomorrow will go better?

James came over to visit last night... he and his brother were planning to go "ghost hunting" (which seems to consist of going to haunted places with a digital cam, and taking pics trying to catch a ghost on the film) but the girls who were gonna go with them backed out, so instead they came over and watched NCIS with me and the roomate! I was amazed how happy I was to see James. *feeling warm and fuzzy inside*

Categories: Family, Life, James, Fitness