Art, ADHD, & Pics

Last night I treated myself to a fun night. I prayed, made art, exercised to "Swingin with the Big Bands" (my legs now ache BTW), learned some ASL from a video (I can now ask a deaf person for a remote. Yeah!!! lol), and just generally relaxed. I needed a break from the chaos inside me... and that was the perfect remedy.

I decided to try an "Intuitive Collage" like Shelley, but that didn't go to well. I was too stressed to be that impulsive, and my magazine selection sucked. (or should I say, "catalog collection", since I have no zines?) Instead, I made a tree from some pics I found in catalogs.

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Then, my inner ADHD child began making demands. Since reading a collage tutorial Leah showed us a long while back, "the child" has been DEMANDING to make worlds. Evidently the entire month-long peanut butter sandwich frenzy is over (perhaps due to James asking if I was pregnant? SuperRoomie said I should have answered him with "Of course! And it's yours, don't you remember that night....?" Bwahahaha) and now the inner ADHD child is demanding to create worlds. Check out what she made:

(The gray behind them is something wierd on my scanner BTW) I may leave them as they are, or paint over them... who knows!

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And for your photographic enjoyment... here are some pics I took this weekend:





James, in his new haircut, (minus the spikes... we left it down at first, but then he decided he liked it better spikey. So do!!!)


James, making a wierd face:


My new shoes: ($3.12 on clearance! Yay! And they have pink on them, even though you can't see the colors too well.)

Fear

When he said my name
I cowered, knees shaking
Wide eyes peeked around a corner
Looking for Daddy

Where is he at
What had I done this time
Left a lawn chair open in the yard
An empty bread sack on the floor

Did I do something bad without knowing it
Would I dodge flying objects
Plates, flashlights,
Flour exploding from it's container
As my father exploded with rage

"I'll kill you both
And then I'll kill myself!"
Would today be the day
That he carried out his threat
When he came out of his bedroom
Would the gun be loaded

Twenty years later
My fear still hasn't been erased
I feel it every time
When a man raises his voice
A boss, a pastor, even a friend

Will the fear ever fade?

This does not bode well... & a Tag

The hot water pipes to my bathroom are frozen. I had fun washing my hair in the kitchen sink this morning...

Two of my co-workers have decided to give up smoking/chewing this week. They're sorta on the grumpy side even WITH nicotine... so this will be interesting. We all plan to avoid them whenever possible.

I have a migrane.

And to top it all off... It's 9AM and I'm sitting at my desk at work. I'm wearing a sweater, with a zip-up jacket over it, with my winter coat over that. I'm wearing heavy tights, with a skirt over that, with a thick blankie over those.

*still shivering*

It is SOO cold here!!!!!!!

And while I was typing those woes to you all... SuperRoomie called to tell me that my computer had frozen up as it was trying to shut down... (which she noticed when she tried to use the phone and noticed my puter was still connected to the internet). So... I get to go home after both jobs and see if my puter is dead or alive.

This does NOT bode well for my week! lol

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A Tag: Jodi tagged me this week to list 6 wierd things about myself.

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I cannot eat McDonalds nuggets without being able to dip them in Big Mac sauce.

2. I love to hike & travel alone.

3. I have the wierdest laugh EVER.

4. I find Mexican food & Mexican men to be unbelievably hot. (Antonio... *swoon*)

5. I can wear a size 2 in kids shoes.

6. I constantly fidget.

I am tagging... Jen, Jenean, Tinker, Leti, Princess Jami, Tammy

Deep Innermost Thoughts

I haven't been as open as usual on here about what's going on inside me. I think the main reason for that is... that i haven't really be being honest with myself about what's going on inside me.

Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what's going on inside of me. I'll know that I feel anxious, but not be sure why. I still can't tell you exactly WHY I've been feeling anxious this week... but I can tell you some things I've realized about myself as I took an honest look in the mirror.

I've grown up! The person who was in the mirror 2 years ago wouldn't even be able to recognize the person I am today. My sense of fashion has changed, (I actually care about how I look now... not to please OTHERS, but so that I'll be happy with MYSELF), my spiritual life has changed (WAY less people-pleasing, way less spiritual "busyness", much more honesty with God.) , I've started taking better care of my body, my housecleaning abilities... well... they've improved. We still have some work to do in that area. I think that'll be like fashion... eventualy I'll have to decide I need to get the cleaning done for ME... for my own sanity. Two years ago I never dreamed I'd be doing any type of art... now I'm writing poetry, painting, crocheting, knitting, collaging... and I feel unfulfilled when I'm not putting my feelings into some type of art.

I'm still dealing with the after-effects of 12 years of abuse. The effects pop up in the strangest of places, and the most unexpected times. Right now I'm noticing how my dad's Jeckyl/Hyde random mood swings have given me a fear of any type of authority. I feel like I'm always on edge... wondering what I've done wrong without even noticing... always seeking approval and dreading anger. I REALLY need to work on this. I'm writing a poem.

In other (less intense) news... a business two doors down from mine was shot at with a BB gun! The glass in the door was totally broken out, and the glass in two of the glass windows is so cracked it's unbelievable! Even more worrysome? We didn't see the damage when we came in... I was probably HERE when it happened!!!! Wierd but true.

Allergies & Shopping Adventures

I discovered yesterday that i am allergic to something they used to wax my brows with. I have this ugly rash around my brows... very embarassing. Has anyone had this happen to them? Any advice about getting rid of it?

For the moment, I'm just wearing a VERY cool hat, to mask my outbreak.

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I had fun adventures while shopping this weekend... went to a thrift store to look for some books for "my kids" (we're making them a little library). While browsing the ones on the back row, I was attacked viciously by a jigsaw puzzle a woman knocked over onto me! We chatted, and ended up discussing knitting... I gave her some knitting websites I liked. Turns out she was a victum of identity theft! That would stink. Had a deep discussion with the woman behind the counter, about church and books and some man she thought I might know (I didn't) While there I found a PILE of books about crocheting blankies of various sorts, a smaller pile of kids books, a cute little skirt, and other random things. Spent $10.07!!! Unbelieveable!

Went to another thrift store, and ran into the daughter of a lady I worked with. That was fun, we caught up on all the news in each other's lives... (Well, she caught me up on hers, I realized later that I hadn't told her anything much about mine)... exchanged e-mail addys, which of course I lost immediately. *sigh* Was hugged by a strange man I'd never seen before. Weirdly enough... I needed that hug. Hugs are a rarity in my life. A lady at church hugs me every time we chat, and I should probably tell her that her hugs mean the world to me. Huggers rock!!! (I'm obviously not a deeply huggy person... I'm improving though.)

Went to Olive Garden with James, and ran into a couple of teenagers returning from a band competition as we waited to be seated. This led us to subjects of great band geek importance, like why oboe players always look and act just like their instruments? Rather freaky, when ya think about it. The guy plays a trumpet! I played a trumpet too!!! WOW!!!! James wasn't a band geek, so he just kinda stood there listening. Then they were seated... and we were seated... RIGHT BESIDE THEM!!!! So we ended up talking again after we finished our food. Turns out the girl has a WII (James almost choked on his food, he was so jealous!), and they both love video games (SO DO WE! What a co-ink-i-dink!) so we had another fun chat. I bought some CUTE little shoes (pics to come soon) at the mall, and we made friends with the cashier. (She said I was too perky... I found that wierd, and in retrospect, should probably have blamed it on the happy pills just to note her reaction!!) I also watched a 1-year old girl get her ears pierced (while waiting to purchase the afore-mentioned very cool hat)... three of us were watching, and one almost cried. The mom had to turn her head away, she couldn't even look!!! It was so sad. But then they gave the baby her binky, and life was good again! lol

So now you know all about my wierdly-overly-social weekend, the cool people I met, and all of that fun stuff... I need to stop avoiding what I really need to post about, which is my deep innermost thoughts... I'll put them in another post.

A Visitor to my Hometown

This week's Getting to Know You challenge from the CAC blog:

"Here's the scenario this week. Imagine you've made a connection with another blogger who lives in a completely different part of the world than you do. This blogger is about to take a trip and the connection you've made is so strong that she is going to make your house one stop on her trip. (Yay!) Unfortunately she can only stay at your place for 24 hours (boo!), but she'd like to see some nearby sights while visiting with you."

A Visitor to Your Hometown

1. Your visitor wants to see something historical. Where would you take her and why?

I would take her to the Pioneer Village at Fowler Park, where they have authentic pioneer cabins that you can tour! They have a mill, a blacksmith, and other cool stuff!!! And the houses look SOOOOOOOOOOO tiny!!!!! I was amazed by that. OR if it were the right time of the year, I would take her to my way-distant-cousin-Archie Foxworthy's Maple Syrup Camp during the Maple Fair. She could see how my cousins tap the syrup out of the maple trees, how they evaporate the syrup to make it thick, and buy a sample in the truly older-than-dirt schoolhouse they have on their farm, now turned into a little store! But, if not, she could always just read about their little farm/syrup-making place here! (My boss suggested a tour of the old Fort Harrison site, which sounds rather cool... I'll have to take a tour out there myself!)

2. She wants to see something hysterical...well, mildly amusing anyway. She'd even go for cute, quirky, odd, or unique. Where would you take her and why?

I would take her to an Amish farm. I'd buy her a jug of Amish root beer (light on the root, heavy on the beer LOL), and a jug of Amish milk. We'd tour the Amish greenhouses and buy some flowers for her to take home (do they allow those on planes?), try some homemade ice cream from their roadside stand, and maybe get lucky enough to take a ride in a buggy? There's also a music store here that's tottaly decorated in graffiti and kinda looks like a headstone. I forget the name, but it looks cool!

3. She wants to take some beautiful and/or interesting photos to fill her albums when she gets home. Where would you take her?

We have four state parks around here, so there are plenty of places to go and take pics... my favorite is Turkey Run state park... lots of cool places to climb to get cool pics!!!

4. She'd like to buy a souvenir that will remind her of your area every time she sees it. What would you suggest and where would you go to get it?

I would either show her the original Coca-Cola bottling plant here in town, and she could buy... um... a diet coke? Hmm... OH! Better idea. I'd take her to Parke County Indiana, where I moved from a year or so ago, and show her the covered bridges... they have more covered bridges there than any other place in the world... even more than they have in Madison County that they made the movie about! Then she could buy something bridge-ish to take home. It's not the most exciting thing, but I don't buy souvenirs, so...

5. Wow, it's been a long day and you're both ready for a snack, or maybe even a meal. Where would you take her to really get the flavor of your area?

I think the only way to REALLY get the flavor of an area is to hit the diners. NOTHING on earth can give you a real taste of home cooking like a diner! I'd take her to the restaurant where I worked when I was growing up... we would order a patty melt & cheese sticks... or maybe a breaded tenderloin!!!! Then we'd eat some homemade pie for desert... what a perfect day!!!!!

Anxiety

Well, I finally DID find my keys!!!! I was very surprised at the location, especially since after interogating the kitties, I got the distinct impression that the keys were inside. Why?

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*flashback to conversation with Stripey, the outside kitty*

Hi Little Stripey Kitty! Have you seen my key? It's silver and kinda shiny.

*Stripey looks left and right, looks up at me, and says:*

Meow. (Translation: "Nope.")

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*flashback to conversation with Luka, the inside kitty*

Luka, have you seen my key?

*Luka backing away with huge eyes* (Translation: Oh. CRAP!)

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So where did I eventually find the key?

In the yard. Under the (then melted) snow. I apologized to Luka, and made a date to cuddle with her as penance.

But now, after the stress of looking for the keys, not being able to find them, being late to work, laughed at by coworkers (one of which DID take me home, which was way way nice), and so on and so forth...

I am seriously anxious. I haven't slept well. I've been uncommonly tense, chronically fidgetting, and sporadically depressed. I hate it when this happens... and I haven't figured out how to "unstress myself." I've tried the standards things... laying in bed reading a book... creating art...

But really I feel like i just need to throw myself on my bed and have a good cry. But I can't cry. Even when I try. *dramatic sigh* It's all seriously annoying.

Anyone else had this happen? Any advice?

CAC Snooping

This week's CAC assignment - Snoop! We're supposed to pick a spot in our house, look at the contents... and...

*Mission Impossible music plays in background*

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Imagine you do not know the person who lives in this house and that you are coming upon this space and these items for the first time. What do you imagine about this person? Who are they? What are their priorities, interests, passions, likes, dislikes, issues? What can you tell by what's on their nighttable or in their garage? What's their story?

This message will self-destruct in 5 minutes."

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*Jana, dressed completely in black, draws her weapon as she approaches the door*

*silently opening the door with her gloved hand, she enters the room*

*THWACK!*

*Tripping over a bag of dirty laundry, Jana crashes to the floor, bruising her head on the nightstand in the process. Turning on her tape recorder, she begins to whisper...*

Holy Crap!!! Look at all of these books! What's on these shelves....

That's kinda bizzare... Idiots Guide to Religions Online? Books on wierd foreign countries? And languages... ASL, Hindi, German, Spanish... and one on sewing? Can we say NERDY?!

What about this one? Hmm... SHE - Safe, Healthy, Empowered? Sounds enlightening. Lots of Christian books, a couple of Bible fact books... one about the Koran... I'm guessing she must be a Christian, who just likes to learn about religions and other spiritualish stuff?

Yearbooks... a book of Shakespear... some computer books... even more nerdy than I originally thought! Wow! And the pile of bills beside it is rather amusing... they are dated all throughout the summer of 2006!!! I hope she PAID those!!!!!!!!


Some Christian fiction books in a series (No wear... probably never read?) Memoirs of a Geisha, with a bookmark in the middle... White Oleander... East of Eden... some computer games... (Caesar, Mafia, Star Trek, Family Tree Maker...) She must be one of those people who always reads the latest books... maybe on the artsy side? Wide variety of interests too evidently! Sci-fi, geneology, building games,...


Wait... are those... STAR TREK NOVELS??? NO WAY! People actually READ THOSE?! Looks like she's running out of space for them too...


After moving random junk around, I unearthed this crate of books as well... Some knitting books, crocheting books, drawing books, a sketchpad... some scrapbooking pages but no scrapbook... some binders... one with wedding plans (she's getting married mayhaps? or just planning in case, because the binder seems a bit empty...)

Final analysis: The subject is female, and otherwise very hard to analyze. Variety of interests (languages, religions, star trek,...) variety of hobbies

(computer games, artsy stuff, crafts)... in a nutshell? I'm thinking she's probably a nerd with ADHD.

*shutting off tape recorder and silently escaping from the room*

Tears and Thrown Objects

That's what is going through my mind this morning.

I can't find my car key. Anywhere. I had it off my ring from starting my car Monday night, (I have no spare key, but we'll get to that in a minute) and when I drove home last night after work... well... that's the last time I saw my key.

I ransacked my purse & the house, looked on the sidewalk and under the nice fresh snow that fell last night, ransacked the car...

No key.

I took everything off of my bed, sheets & all, to make sure it wasn't there. I looked inside the books I read last night...

No key.

I looked on the kitchen table, in the refrigerator, in the washer, under the table...

No key.

So, finally I gave up... called my boss to tell him what had happened, listened to him laugh, and went on... Searched a little more just because I'm OCD...

No key.

SuperRoomie was nice and took me to work... where everyone either laughed at me, or gave me helpful suggestions in a sickeningly sweet tone in between their laughter. It was highly irritating. I've never worked in a places where people were so chronicly insensitive... (in fact, when one them was told about Stephanie's accident, he laughed.)

I decided it was time to get another key.

I called the friendly neighborhood car dealership where I bought my car. They were SO helpful... until they found out it was a Chevy. They gave me a VIN# and told me to call a key place or the dealer.

Called the Key place, cuz it was called "Ernie's" and I thought that sounded cool. Nope, they can't make keys from VIN#s, they have to have a key to make a copy from. (Well, if I HAD the original, I wouldn't be calling a locksmith, now would I?!)

Called the dealership. YES, they can make keys!!!!! But first you have to give them a copy of your license & registration. Still doable... I can fax those, right? NOPE. I have to bring them in, in person. Ummmm... If I could drive there in person, why would I need a key made? *sigh*

So, tonight I won't be able to work at job #2 due to the no key thing... Instead, I'll be ransacking my house, looking for the little lost keys. But my house will be lots cleaner!!!!! LOL

Until then... I'll just quietly sit at my desk... repeating my little mantra:

I will not cry or throw things at my coworkers.

I will not cry or throw things at my coworkers.

I will not cry or throw things at my coworkers. *sigh*

Our Family

Monday Random Thoughts

Disclaimer: "M" is not really our daughter, she just kind of adopted us. Jakey is my friend's kid also. Just so ya know!!!!"

(Yes, I know it's no longer Monday. But I didn't get time to finish this post until today. *sigh* )

I SO wish I was hispanic so I could name my son Misael (pronounced like "miss-eye-elle" I LOVE that name so unbelievably much!!!!!! I may name my son that anyway.

Today I finally got to eat a salad. It took lots of work (no wonder it's supposed to make you loose weight!) to get all the stuff together... the croutons were in the car, the dressing was about out, the container to put the salad in already had food in it, had to find another container, then couldn't get the bag of salad open, and THEN, when I was happily sitting at work with my salad, ready to chow down... I noticed I didn't have a fork.

Yesterday I went on a health-nut shopping spree... Lite&Fit yogurt from Dannon was on sale, and wierd forms of soy milk were in the clearance cart... one container of "almond milk" was in there, couldn't resist trying that. I also bought a box of Almond Nut-Thins "Cheddar Cheese Nut & Rice Cracker Snacks". They are SOOOOOOOOOO good!!!!!! Very addictive! And only 70 cents because the box was dented. *happy sigh*

I have become absolutely ADDICTED to peanut butter sandwiches!!! I love them!!! And in my family, you have to put butter on one piece of bread, and peanut butter on the other. (Unless you have jelly on the other slice, which is also yummy! I bought some blackberry jelly and apple jelly yesterday for just that purpose!)

I think I've finally found a good hairdo for James! I get to choose his haircut Saturday. Here's what I have planned...

What do you all think of it?

Envision

The Creative Challenge day this week at the CAC blog was done by Leah (who rocks btw). She challenged us to set a vision for our lives down the road. Eventually I'm gonna make mine into a slideshow, but for the moment... let me just ramble to you a little about my vision for the future!
So, my current vision for the future? I want the life here... the hubby, the babies, and my family nearby. I want my kids to know their very cool cousins, hike in the woods where I hiked, learn to hunt mushrooms and ginseng and all the things i did growing up. I want to continue being an "unlicensed foster parent" (yeah, that's what I'm feeling about myself at the moment) by being a positive figure that teens can cling to when their own families aren't there. I picture M and I eventually having kids at the same time... me passing down my babies hand-me-downs to her for her kids. I picture me continuing to work with "my kids" but intensifying my efforts... I don't just want to teach them, I want to really know them and be a meaningful person in their lives. I want them to say "she made a difference in my life" one day.

I can't say that I never want to travel, or do all of the exciting things I dreamed of as a child. I'm a little afraid of giving up those dreams... and will probably take at least one MAJOR trip before I'll get married. I want to KNOW that the life of a travelling do-gooder isn't where I'm supposed to be. I think I know now... but I don't want to always wonder "what if", ya know?

Update on Stephanie

Remember my prayer request from earlier this week? Well, I got an update. Stephanie (i forgot to tell you her name last time) is home from the hospital, in a cast, and very very sore. She's bruised all over, cut from the broken glass, and has all kinds of injuries to her legs... tendons, ligaments, bones, everything is kinda torn up. Pieces of bone are floating around one of her ankles, and various other problems. So please keep Stephanie and her exhausted mommy in your prayers.

Blabberings and Barbie Shoes

It's Thursday, YEAH!!!! One day til Friday!!! *happy dance*

I haven't got much bloghopping done this week, so my apologies go out to all my bloggin budds. Marcie is still gone, taking care of her daughter, so work has been REALLY busy this week!!!

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I just found out the WIERDEST thing!!!! My friend Princess Jami and I had the SAME favorite Barbie dress growing up!!!! It was a fancy prom-type dress, and the skirt of it had GLOW-IN-THE-DARK STARS on it!!!!! It was SOOOOOOOOOOO cool!!!! Jami reminded me that the outfit had a matching parasol (also glowy), and I remember it having glow-in-the-dark shoes! WAY cool!!!!!

So, today's warm-fuzzy-bonding question (I meant to do those weekly, but need to choose a day of the week and be faithful at it, huh?) is "Barbie Memories":

What memories do you have of your Barbie-playing days? What things did you have for her? Did you have any favorite outfits? I'll put the rest of my answer in the comments!

*disclaimer: This question is not an endorsement of Barbie, her completely unrealiztic figure, her shallow life, or anything else she stands for.

Life, and another Getting to Know You:

Well, this week is halfway done... my inner ADHD child is quite happy to be more than halfway done with crocheting a hat and knitting a dishcloth. We also cut out some magazine pics yesterday (honesty compels me to admit they are from a wedding magazine, but don't jump to any conclusions okay? All single females dream of weddings, right? I just started a bit later!!)

Wow, I have nothing else to say. So... here is the new set of questions for Getting to Know You day at the CAC blog: (If you want to participate, just go there and jump in!)


Best and Worst

1. What's the best place you ever lived? the worst?

Best would probably be North Chicago, IL. I loved the diversity, the easy access to shopping places, and pretty much everything except the crime. The second best and also the worst would be the teeny tiny town in Indiana where I grew up. Everyone knows you, knows your business, knows your family, knows your history. As a child of dirt poor parents that REALLY sucked. But now, as an adult, it would be an awesome place to move with a hubby and raise kids. (I started to think it would still suck, because of narrowminded idiots... but really, those exist in bigger cities too. They just hide it better.)

2. What's the best place you ever visited on holiday/vacation? the worst?

Best? KENTUCKY!!!!! I love Kentucky!!!!!! I love the accents, the hospitality, and the GREENNESS!!!! I love places where everything is green and growing. Worst? IOWA!!! If you have a small bladder, that state sucks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO badly!!!! Do you wanna hear the story?

*sitting down to tell the tale*

I was driving from my home in Highland Park, IL to visit friends in Cedar Rapids, IA. I was happily driving (I love road trips!), stopping here and there to restock my caffine & snack supply to stay awake, when I passed a rest stop. I drove on by it... happily driving... and suddenly realized I had to pee. So.... I drove.... and I drove.... and I drove.... and I drove.... and I fidgeted... and I drove... and I prayed... and I drove... and FINALLY after driving for stinkin' EVER on that road, I see a Hardees sign in the distance!! By this time I feel as if my bladder may actually EXPLODE if not emptied immediately, and I step on the gas. And what to my painfully stretched bladder should appear, but flashing lights behind me, and a policeman with his gear. (hehe, that rhymed!) I give him all of my stuff, he checks it... I'm sitting in my little car, crossing my legs, fidgeting, about to cry... and then he asked the question:

Why were you in such a hurry?

Bursting into tears, I gave in and told him...

"I HAVE TO PEE!!!!! *sob*"

He told me he'd follow me to Hardees, and not to get myself killed in the proccess of hurrying next time. And I happily peed, and felt better ever after. The End.

3. What's the best job you ever had? the worst?

I LOVED my first "real" job... I worked as a database manager for a company in IL, in a department that went into labs and tested their equipment for FDA compliance.... I got to meet scientists! And go into LABS sometimes with the guys!!! It was SOOOOOOOOOOOO cool!!!!!! They also had an awesome cafeteria!!! Worst? The one where the boss was an overbearing jerk... yelled at me frequently in front of the entier office... made unreasonable demands... eventually I started yelling back. Made for a horrible work environment, but I learned a lot of stuff, so it wasn't a total loss. I obviously didn't work there long!

4. What's your best talent or ability? your worst?

Best talent? I can learn languages. Not quickly, but I'm really determined, so I learn languages well. My worst? Ummm.... I can light matches off of my teeth? (No, seriously, I can!!!! One day I'll have someone videotape it and put it on YouTube!!!)


5. What's the best decision you ever made? the worst?

I have made SOOOOOO many bad decisions!! I honestly don't think I can choose one. Most of the bad ones started with me saying "I DON"T NEED ANY HELP!" or "I can do it ALL BY MYSELF!!!!" and ended in some form of injury. lol The really serious ones I refuse to give the pleasure of reliving, even to you, my wonderful blogging budds. I beat myself up too much over the past... I'm trying the Hakuna Matata approach... leaving the past behind me! hehe

Bonus (so we can end on a positive note!): What's one good thing about you that isn't covered in the questions above, but that you'd like to share with the world?

One good thing about me that i like, is I think I'm a good person to talk to. I think I listen well, and help you figure out your own problems. I don't give much advice (cause no one listens anyway lol), but sometimes a listening ear is all we need. :o)

ADHD, Abundance, and Prayer Request

I have discovered one very interesting thing.

This year, my inner ADHD child is really happy to have a second job. She's taken to knitting & crochet like a fish to water, read some books that will later be donated to a library for "my kids", happly laughed along with my tax customers (can you believe one of them had to pick up her first car from a NUDIST CAMP?!!!!! My inner ADHD child giggled for a really long time about that one!!!) , and chatted on MSN messenger. My inner adult read a book, did taxes, read up on the laws for claiming dependents, made some detailed lists for the boss, and salivated over the mexican men food from the restaurant nearby, and other responsible-ish tasks.

Another interesting thing... I've discovered that working a second job makes it easier to remember that there is ABUNDANCE in my life. I grew up hearing "DON"T WASTE _____!!!!!!!!" Every time I go to do any kind of artistic endeavor, I hear a voice inside me saying "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If it doesn't come out right, you will have WASTED the supplies!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

During tax season, my Inner ADHD Child just hits that nasty voice upside the head with an IRS publication and tells it "STUPID VOICE!!! We have extra money because we're working more! GO AWAY!!!!!!!!" And then she returns to her artistic processes :o)

I've gotten my tote bag I was crocheting about 2/3 of the way done now, I was knitting a really cool washcloth until I lost my size 7 needle, and now crocheting a hat! I plan to bring some catalogs or wedding zines with me tonight and cut out pics, maybe add them to my collage... and do some journaling/art journaling.

This week I prepared myself for the week of dual jobs... I fixed myself two salads (one for tonight at work, one for tomorrow night at work), cut up celery and packed some peanut butter, so at least I'll have food. I work both jobs today & Tuesday, then wed - Fri I work at Job #1 only, but Wed I have church (I may skip it), thursday I teach "my kids", and Friday we're going to this thingy in Indianapolis and won't be back til late. Then I work Sat & Sun at job #2. Not too bad. So far I'm feeling energized about the jobs.

Prayer request: My coworkers daughter was in a car accident this weekend. Her daughter was driving a jeep, hit a water-filled pothole that she couldn't see, and the jeep went out of control. She was thrown through the windshield, then ended up in the back seat, and somewhere during the ordeal her legs were crushed under the jeep. She's at home now with her legs in cold-water casts to lower the swelling so they can do whatever they are gonna do... her face & hands are all cut up from the glass... so please keep her in prayer. She's only 18 and I'm sure she's in a lot of pain.

Today is the first day of my tax job! And how is it going, you might wonder?

VERY BADLY!!!!!!!!

Guess who turned her alarm "off" instead of "on" last night? Yep... that'd be me. So instead of having time for a nice relaxing shower, and then time to pack up everything (snacks, stuff to do, etc.) before making breakfast and calmly walking out the door...

I woke up 20 minutes before I had to be at work, rushed like a crazy person, scared the cute fluffy kitten as I ran out to the car, and got to work about 30 seconds late. And NOTHING is packed.

So, after work at job #1, i'll go run an errand for my mommy, maybe visit a thrift store or two on the way home, pack up my junk, and then head home. I'll throw my yarn, happy pills (OH, CRAP! I forgot my happy pills today!!! *quickly taking a happy pill*) a book of poetry, The Last Honky Tonk Angel (sent to me by Tammy, cause she is just SOOOOOO awesome!!!!) and some other random things into a bag, and head to work. Maybe I'll even have time to make some celery & peanut butter to bring! YUMM!!!!!

Overall, I'm excited about the new job! I can learn more tax things as I knit, crochet, sketch, collage, and read! I'll meet cool new people. I'll get to eat Mexican food from a nearby restaurant. In general, life will just be splendid.

Getting to Know You - Meme #2

From the CAC blog - Todays Getting to Know you:

Jana's Dream Dinner Party:

1. Guest one must be someone who is/was creative with words - a novelist, poet, playwright, essayist, journalist, etc. Who would you invite? I would invite Tennyson, and beg him to recite "The Lady of Shalott" to me in his own voice.

2. Guest two must be someone who is/was creative with images - a painter, photographer, sculptor, fabric artist, collage artist, etc. Who would you invite? I'd invite Van Gogh, and ask him to show me how to paint Starry Night.

3. Guest three must be someone who is/was a performer - an actor, singer, musician, comedian, acrobat, etc. Who would you invite? Whoopi Goldberg, because I think that listening to her opinions would be fun. I'd also ask her about what it was like to work on Star Trek TNG! *swooning at the thought of being in the same room as Riker*

4. Guest four must be someone who is charting/charted new territory - either in the physical sense, like an explorer, adventurer, or astronaut, or someone like a groundbreaking scientist or inventor. Who would you invite? I would invite Harriet Tubman, who charted new ground for slaves to become free, and ask her how she found the courage to do what she did.

5. Guest five must be someone who is/was a leader of other people - perhaps in the area of politics, like the literal leader of a country, or perhaps a leader in the area of religion, military, business, or even a great philosopher or teacher, or an inspiring athlete. Who would you invite? I would invite Eleanor Roosevelt, because I admire her for standing up for what she believed in and making a difference in the world, instead of just quietly smiling and shaking hands and serving tea like many other first ladies.

6. Guest six must be someone from any field who you believe is/was underrated and under-appreciated by most people, but whom you admire. Who would you invite? I admire people who protect kids, and people who care about boosting women's self-esteem, so I would invite Susie - she does both. (GO SUSIE!!!!!!)

7. Guest seven is a wild card - your choice! Is there someone you'd like to invite who didn't seem to quite fit into any category, or was there a category where you'd have really liked to invite two different people? Then this is your chance to add the person you missed to the table. Who would you invite? I would like to invite Helen Keller, and see if she is really as great as everyone said.

Bonus: Uh Oh! The dinner party is just about to end, and all your guests are about to disappear, and you realize that you've forgotten to ask one important question of one of your guests. You just barely have time to squeeze in that last question, so quick! - what was the question and who did you ask? "Mr. Tennyson.... could you PLEASE read the Lady of Shalott for me, just one more time? *batting eyelashes*"

Want to join the fun? Post your answers on your blog, and then put a comment in the CAC blog!

Categories: CAC, Memes

Goals & My (finished) Painting

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And now, after much suspense, I present to you: My finished painting!!!!!



Categories: Artsy, Cleaning, Exercise, Goals, Life, Spiritual, Taxes

Time to Panic!!!

3 days until tax season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMW!!!!! I'm not ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I needed to get that out of my system.

Anyway... I really did start typing this for a reason, and here it is:

In 3 days, my life will go insane, but if I can make it for 3 months, my finances will be improved dramatically... and I will probably have extra (paid) time to CREATE when no customers are present! Yeah!

Tonight I plan to make my goals for Tax Season 07. I plan to focus on self-care, because that suffers so often during this season... and doing things to keep my life organized and running smoothly.

I'll be working approx 29 hours at the second job, plus 40 at my "real job". My spare time will be limited basically to Saturday evenings, and 2 hours on Fridays.

So, here's where y'all come in... I need some advice about getting organized. In EVERY area of my life... healthy eating, self-care, cleaning, finances, etc.

What organizational tactics have you used that work? What advice (if any) do you have for me?

Painting Class

I went to a painting class Saturday with "Aunt Mom" (James's Aunt Martha) and my cousin Karen. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun!!!

We did an oil painting using the Bob Ross method, and of course I had to get paint all over me in the process. (What a shock!!! lol) There were about 9 of us in the class I think. A 4th grader (I think), his dad, and his grandpa were all there together... I thought that was just TOO cool. The two ladies sitting to my left had never painted before either, so we were the three newbies.

So then we got out our brushes and started to paint. I couldn't BELIEVE how easy it was (at least compared to what I THOUGHT it would be like, which is very hard. She showed us how to do specific types of strokes with our brushes to make different effects. The coolest one that she taught us about was when we went to make little tufts of grass! They were too neat. You can see the tufts of grass in the picture below, along with my "official" signature!! The picture to the right shows you what my painting looked like when we took a break for lunch. (CHINESE!!!! Yeah!!) I love my tree... he's so abnormal, it's cute!!! I have fallen in love with painting trees... it may end up being addictive.

My only sad news for the weekend is... guess who forgot to take a pic of her finished painting? Yep, me. I will do that if I remember to when it's still light outside tomorrow... it's too hard to get the colors to show up right without lots of light.

Now I'm off to bed... I shall blog more tomorrow!

INTERNET!!!!!!!!

INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *muah* I have missed my sacred internet over the weekend!!!!

I kinda forgot to pay the bill... mainly because they closed the office that is near me... and when I didn't pass the office on my way home from work anymore, I totally forgot about it. *sigh* So that's on my to-do list for later today.

But now I'm at work, and I have internet access... *hugging CPU since it contains the beloved modem*... so life is good.

Bizarre...

I noticed today, that I don't feel overwhelmed. I'm wierded out by that because... I have less than 1 week before the tax job starts. I have no food cooked, my kids lessons aren't done, and my house is an absolute disaster. All I've been able to do for the last few days is sleep... still no idea why I'm feeling so sick/sleepy. I have a horribly busy day today, somewhat busy day tomorrow, busy day Sunday, and then back to work Monday.

But I don't feel overwhelmed.

What's the secret? I know I'm making progress. This morning, I got up about 10 minutes early, and spent that time cleaning. I took some stuff that had been cluttering up my house out to my car. (Catalogs, destined to be cut up at my friend Kim's house tonight, in between baking yummy stuff and while watching movies!) I've also had adequate rest (actually, it would probably qualify as excessive rest... 14 hours of sleep Wed. night, 10 hours last night,...) which helps me keep my perspective. And I haven't been ignoring God, which leads to a cycle of guilt/hiding/more guilt/more hiding.

So the lessons I've learned?

1. Don't ignore God.
2. Take action whenever you can, even if it's just cleaning up 5 items here and there.
3. Sleep when you need to.

Categories: Life, Spiritual

Getting to Know You - Meme #1

Today is "Getting to Know You" day on the Create a Connection blog. Here is the fill-in-the-blank meme for the day:

1. I have never wanted to read romance novels; but I've always thought I might like to paint landscapes .
2. When I was young, silly, and about 12 years old, I believed having kids would solve all of my problems.
3. If I was my own best friend, what I would enjoy the most about spending time with Me would be the deep soul-sharing chats; while what I'd find the most irritating would be listening to my other self laugh.
4. If the story of my life up to this point was being published tomorrow, it would be titled "A Growing Life" and it would be dedicated to my high school English teachers, for having confidence in me and making learning fun.
5. When my time on Earth is over, and the people who loved me are remembering me, it would please me if they said "she made a difference in my life" .

This was fun, and gave me something good to post today. I'm not feeling the greatest, so otherwise probably wouldn't have posted at all.

Categories: Memes, CAC

Goals for the moment:

The clock is ticking loudly... reminding me that I have 10 days until my sanity will be lost. (Also known as the day I start working at the tax job.)

I'm trying to get my life in order now, since I'll be working probably 6 days per week at that job, plus the normal 40-hour-week at my main job.

So, goals would be a good thing.

Jana's goals for the next 10 days:
Finish organizing art/craft supplies - 90% done
Prepare 8 lessons for my Thursday night kids - 20% Done
Prepare 6 "Try day" ideas for Create A Connection in Feb - Done
Prepare 6 "Getting to Know You" days for March - Done
Decide if I want to participate in CAC's mug swap for this month - Missed the deadline!
Organize bills
Join online banking
Prepare a "travel art kit" for slow days at work
Cook & Freeze meals for work

Jana's goals for tonight:
Make Tax season goals
Make 2007 goals
Make January month goals?

A Perfect Start

I have to tell you all, that today was one of those perfect nights. The kinds that you want to save in a scrapbook, and take it out again and again when the hard times come, to remember how precious life can be.

I was on the go from 8:25 AM this morning until 3AM tonight. I picked up 3 girls for church, took them home, picked up James, K, & J, and met A & P at a Chinese restaurant. We ate, sat around and played Uno (story about that to follow when my pics are all uploaded), and then went to Walmart... wandered around for quite some time, and then went to K's to bake cookies for James family thing. Baked them, burnt half (despite pre-heating the oven for 30 minutes while I made the cookies, the first batch of cookies took 30 minutes instead of the recommended 15-20, and the second batch cooked maybe 15 and were almost all burnt. WAY wierd!), and got back to James house at 7:10 or so. BTW his family thing started at 7 AND he had to make a batch of chili for a church thing he was going to. So he made the chili at his Aunt Martha's house, and all was good. But in the meantime, his mommy called and was mad that he was running so late... by the time we got to his family party, I was about to burst into tears. :o(

But then I settled in, beat my cousin S at air hockey, beat some strange little kid at air hockey, royally sucked at pool, and then said bye-bye to James as he left for his family thing. Soon after, we realized James had left his cheese at the house, and I went to church (his current church, my old church, which I left on kinda bad terms) to bring it back to him. I made peace with the pastor's wife, wished her a Happy Christmahanakwanzakah and a Merry New Year, and went back... played three games of Euchre with my cousin Karen as a partner... lost ALL THREE!!!

*MENTAL NOTE: If your cousin has been drinking before the game even STARTS, she is probably NOT a good Euchre partner!*

But I can't blame it on her, I was absolutely exhausted and not too focused.

We ate, chatted, and then watched the ball drop & had toasts. Aunt Anita hugged me, and I felt special.

I played Texas Hold'em for the first time, and lost... but I wasn't the FIRST one to loose, so it was all good. Not bad for someone who had barely had any teaching on it.

Sat down and talked with "The Aunts"... Aunt Anita (who I'd never talked to much before), Aunt Clara (who I have known FOREVER), and Aunt Martha (who I'd known a long time, but not really KNOWN, ykwim?). Had some awesome chat time with Aunt Anita, which was WAY cool. She even invited me to stay the night if I needed too, but badly wanted my bed. Got phone numbers of Aunt Anita & Aunt Clara (I already had Aunt Martha's). Played with the camera phone, and then got into a discussion of art... which led to a discussion of art classes (I'm going with them to one next Saturday.) ... which led to Aunt Martha mentioning her "workshop"... which led to me getting to see an artists paradise! A room as big as my bedroom, TOTALLY FILLED WITH ART SUPPLIES!!! Brushes, canvases, stamps,... it was HEAVEN!

Chated a while longer, and then we all went home. Chatted with God on the way home and was just beyond thankful. James's family was SO nice to me. I was overwhelmed. Sad because I realized that when my 2 cousins and i got our pic taken together, it was the first time it had ever happened. Sad because we're so distant... before today I had only one pic of one of the cousins, and no pics of the other. But very happy... to be reconnected to my family again.

I was also thankful for the time with my cousins... sometimes the things that happened to me when I lived with my dad seem like a nightmare... so terrible they can't be real. But when I chat with my dad's family, I feel VALIDATED. Together, we know that the way our family was is not right at all. Together we can chat about it and understand and be understood.

Together we can heal.

Categories: James, Family, Friends, Aunts, Healing