HOLY CRAP!!!!!

I'm almost married... Wow!! Dude. That's just wierd.

I had an awesomely fun bridal shower Saturday... received some much-needed gifts (blender, comforter, kitchen utensils, cookbooks) and some much-loved gifts (hand-embroidered towel set, with cute wittle froggies.)

Still working on my dress... the tension was off, and so I had to rip out every seam and re-sew it. almost done fixing that, then it goes to Aunt Martha's house tonight to have the zipper put in. Then... we'll pin it where it needs tucked, sew the hem up... and we'll be DONE!!!! *happy clap*

So much to do in the next 5 days... and then I'll be a married woman! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!

Facebook?

I have become completely obsessed with facebook in the last few weeks. Are any of you on there? Let me know and we'll connect!

VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!

The dress material, is finally, PINNED!!!!!!!

Tomorrow Aunt Martha will check it over for me and make sure I have it pinned right... and then we'll cut out the pieces and begin SEWING! *happy clap*

Thanks Nina for all of your help and advice during the process!!! It meant SO MUCH to me.

Thanks Amy for letting me whine to you unceasingly.

Thanks Alison for checking on me.

Thanks Leti for lightening my mood IMMENSELY by distracting me with Star Trek conversations.

Thanks to all of you for helping me make it through today, and on to.... tomorrow!!!!! :)

Goals???? OMW!!!!!

I was happily going about my day (after realizing half of my depression was because of PMS!!! I've never been in such a hurry to have my period here... and gone! lol) when I saw this post at Ellie's blog.

And I realized....

Four days after this new year starts, I will be a married woman. A MARRIED WOMAN!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!!!

What kind of goals/resolutions do you married women set for your relationships?

I need to work on my new years resolutions for this year.... (*thinking* resolution #1 - Eat lots of chocolate)

Better Days...

Last night I went home, and SLEPT.... it was wonderful. I read half of a Star Trek novel, and then slept some more.

I did not do any form of wedding preparations.

And you know what? I didn't care. Lol

Today is a new day... full of Freecycle pickups as I clean the crap out of my house... dropoffs of junk at charities... laundry catch-up... and wedding dress pattern pinning. (I refuse to cut anything until my mommy has checked for mistakes.)

I've decided that I can't keep pushing myself like I have been... I've literally pushed myself until I've made myself sick... twice. The wedding will go on if my house isn't clean... my friends & relatives will deal with the mess. (It's not what I wanted... if I can't get the church decorated... if Brit can't/wont do my hair or the bridesmaids... if I don't get the church invited until Sunday... if I don't get all the invitations sent out that i meant to...

The wedding will not go on, if I am hospitalized for unmercifully abusing my body until it gives out.

Goal #1 of wedding preps is now to keep myself healthy and sane.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still seriously depressed... I think this is the worst I've been since my Dad died. I can't talk to anyone about it... when I try, I just get laughing comments about "wedding issues" and "Bridezilla". My friends have pretty much abandoned me, and I'm sure my mom is tired of listening to me whine.

So, I could use hugs today.

A Little Sad Today

Months ago, we all sat around with my wedding book... talking about all that we would do together, the nights sewing dresses and making decorations... all the fun we would have together....


Here I am today... alone. Making invitations... alone. Planning everything... alone. My friends helped me (with grumbling) one day with invitations. I've spent every day since then planning & doing wedding stuff.... alone.

Months ago, my house was continually filled with people. Now, when I need them, those people are nowhere to be found.

I had no idea that planning a wedding would be... lonely.

In happier news, some of my family have gone above and beyond in helping me... my mom spent all day Monday helping me get "moved in"... (Since I never really moved into the house after the roomate moved out, the house has gotten pretty chaotic.) She also helped me a TON with the dress. My cousins Debby & Amy are helping with a ton of details & reception things... which is a HUGEEEEEEEE help.

I guess, you really do find out who your friends are.

It's Christmas!

And I have the flu. Bleck.

Happy News!!!

Tonight I finished test wedding dress pattern #2!! It worked just fine, although rather plain at this point.

Now comes the fun part....

EXPERIMENTING!!!!!!!

I'll be trying out sashes, and tucks, and flowery embellishments, and all kinds of fun things!

A Night To Remember

Tonight was our company Christmas party... full of laughter, good food, and more laughter. I tried Rahmschnitzel, which is spelled wrong I'm sure, but tasted SO good. James tried jagerschnizel, which was okay. We had some black forest cake, which was.... interesting. (I won't get it again, next year I'll get the butter torte, which looked heavenly.)

What I'll remember most of all though, is what totally made my night. There is a man at work who I'm close too. He's a hunter, always cooking up some kind of venison creation... which, BTW, are DIVINE!!!! Deer Cheesyburger is one of the best foods I've ever eaten. Anyway, this guy is always feeding me, doing nice things for me...

Tonight was the first time he had met James, and they got along SO good. They chatted all throughout the meal... and at the end, as we were walking out to the car, this guy gave me a hug, and told me he really liked James and wished us all the best. That meant THE WORLD to me... since my father died, he's stepped into that role a little bit. His approval of James meant the absolute world to me... as did his threats to James of what would ever happen if James hurt me!!!! LOL

I am so blessed.

Relatively Calm

Today has gone a lot better than the previous days, so far. I am about 80% done with the invitations now... just a few more to glue, then check the names off of the list, and mail them out. Whew.

The next battle is getting the house clean... which is unfortunately necessary. Christmas day is going to be at my house, as is (I think) my bridal shower, and part 2 of my batchelorette party. Oh, and the night-before-the-wedding flower-arranging party. Can't forget that :)

So, tonights goals are:
*Mail remaining invitations - All but 7 are done, and those are in my purse
*Make Ramen for the animals (they love beef ramen! How wierd is that?!) - Done
*Eat - Done
*Clean the living room, if I have time left
*give myself a manicure and pampering session
*Watch NCIS - Done
*Sleep

Inside my Defenses

As the stresses of the wedding become more overwhelming, I am learning a lot about myself and my defenses.

Last Friday, when I was supposed to be going to get my marriage license application and planning Brit's baby shower, (and was actually panicing about how to get everything done) I made a quick stop at a thrift store to buy some little socks for baby Hannah. I found the bin of unsorted random baby clothes, looked for wittle socks... became annoyed by the disorder...

And began to fold and stack the baby clothes. By the time I left, the baby clothes were no longer unorganized in the bin. The little baby clothes were in a little stack in a corner. The toddler clothes were in neat, organized stacks, according to their gender, clothing type, and size. I wasted an hour or more of my precious time. I didn't make it to the courthouse in time to get the license. I only found two pairs of socks in the entire bin. But I DID feel better. I also got compliments (and wierd looks, obviously lol) from random people passing the bin.

Today I found myself scrubbing the sink at work, for no aparent reason. I just wanted it to be "right."

I've found myself withdrawing inside myself... spinning fantasy worlds to hide in. Always, there is a problem... a slave girl running from her master, a woman being beaten by her husband,... and always, I am able to rescue them. I always have just what they need. I'm always enough.

I'm afraid that in my "real" life, I'm not enough. The problems in my own life seem to multiply to rapidly to fix. Each time one thing is fixed, another thing or two breaks. I'm afraid that I can't rescue myself.

I'm realizing how brave I was to decide on a real wedding. Weddings are first and foremost social occasions. I know nothing about social niceties. This is the area of my life in which I feel the most inadequate.

I have no idea what to do about all of this... I don't think taking a higher dose of happy pills will fix this problem... I need to learn healthy ways to deal with these feelings of inadequacy. I need to to be "enough" for myself.

Invitations!!

Today is invitation-mailing day.... so I'm keeping you updated here with my progress: (which keeps me motivated and inspired)

Invitations designed: 50
Invitations pasted on: 50
Envelopes addressed: 52
Addresses to look up: 10 or Less
Envelopes for Brit to address: 6
Envelopes sealed: 45

Check back for more updates!

The Dream

I am in an unfamiliar nursing home. A person in a wheelchair in front of me turns around to chat. We have something we need to do, so we start down a hallway. Another person grabs her wheelchair, and begins to pull her down the hall. She turns and grabs my chair, and our little group takes off. I look in the doorways, searching for my grandma's room. This act feels familiar... I've dreamed this before. We pass my Aunt Ferol, and I duck my head. I vow that on the way back I will stop to tell her about the wedding.

The wedding is over, and the reception has begun. Suddenly I realize we haven't had the group photos done. I race through the church to find and change back into my dress. Along the way, I find my father and tell him to put his dress clothes back on. His hair and beard are dark, and he is healthy. I also find my mother, sitting in a wedding dress in a pew. I cannot, however, find my cousin, who is supposed to be doing these pictures. I complain to my mom "And people wonder why I don't trust my family... they don't get paid, so they forget things. I would forget things too." My aunt Barbara hears all of this, and nods in understanding.

I walk into another room, and hear the words "You may now kiss the bride!" I rush around my grandma's coffin, rushing to give James the kiss... but it isn't James. As I take his head in my hands, I realize it is my grandpa, blindly smiling at this. As I let him go, he leans down to kiss my grandma in her coffin.

I wake up, still surrounded by the gloom from my dream, to popping sounds. We have been heating the house with our oven, (leaving it on and the door open) to save on gas bills, just like my roomate and I did during the first part of our winter last year. This morning I realize the popping sounds are coming from the oven... sparks are coming from it. I hurry to shut off the oven, and the sparks subside. I feel ashamed... and distraught. I tried so hard to help our financial situation, and instead I made it worse.

I walk back to my nice warm "bed" on the couch... and stumble over my full glass of water. WHY DOES EVERYTHING GO WRONG?????

I look out the door, at the newly fallen snow... when i wake up this morning, the light will reflect on the snow, sparkling new and clean... the world will be happier, cleaner.... there is hope.

TGIF!

I am still here, alive, and functioning... went to the doctor yesterday and got antibiotics and an inhaler, so I don't feel any better, but at least I HAVE DRUGS!!!!!!! lol

I finished almost everything on my to-do list from earlier this week... still have a little cleaning to do, but I got a LOT done tonight.


Wedding plans are coming along... I have the invitations ready to print, and James is out getting me some new ink for my printer. And Taco Bell... *happy sigh* What a man!

Now I'm off to feast on my Taco Bell, get to bed... and get all my invitations mailed out tomorrow! YIPPEE!

The Best Laid Plans....

The best laid plans never work. Why do I try?

I stressed myself out last night with my to-do list, and about 9:30 I felt myself really getting sick... Now i've been sick since Thanksgiving, but this felt different... the coughs were deeper and a bit scary, and I'd started to have chills and stuff. So what did I do?

I laid down on the couch, with my little blankie... and watched Cane. Really good!!! But no sleep. And then I read, because I still couldn't sleep.

So today, I left work after being there for only an hour. *sigh* But I'm at home, Brit is here, Gracie is here, and we've declared it an ART DAY!!!!! *happy clap*

Deep Thoughts

So far, one of the things I am loving the most about the Week of Remembrance is that every night before bed, I am forced to stop... to take a good honest look at my emotions... and deal with them. For my normally detached self, this has been an awesome experience. I want to find a way to continue this emotional-exploration, long after this week is done.

At the moment... we have officially filled out our application for a marriage license, and have all of the paperwork ready for the wedding day. Several times throughout the day, we asked each other if we were really ready for this... it seemed so natural for us to be married... but suddenly the reality of the situation is sinking in. I'm committing to this person... to wake up to him every morning, to possibly have children with him... it's so exciting! It's so UTTERLY TERRIFYING!!!! Holy Crap. What am I thinking??? I know all brides-to-be feel that way, but wow. It's a bit scawy.

The pace of my life has been dramatically fast forwarded again, so today, I'm going to have to be very organized. I'm making myself a little to-do list and posting it here, so I can update it throughout the evening. That helps me SO much, to be able to tell you all what I've accomplished. (These will not all be done, BTW, but I want to make some progress on each of them and hopefully get some finished.)

Tonight's goals:

• Chat with Brit's aunt, to get help with the shower - Done!
• Invite all Brit's family, via phone, to the shower - Done
• Clean living room - 65%
• Type up invitations - Done!
• Find sleeve patterns for wedding dress. - Done, sort of! Found a shrug to make instead!
• Call cousins to figure out wedding stuff - Done! Chatted online.
• Eat - Done!
• Sleep - On my way to do that NOW! lol
• Watch NCIS - Done
• Pay electric bill - Done!
• Pay car payment - Done!
• Do Dishes - 60%

In Remembrance - Day 2

Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught
heart, and bids it break. - William Shakespeare

I don't know how to discuss my dad in my real life... I don't know how to explain that I loved him with all of my heart, and hated him with a violence few people can imagine me ever experiencing.

I say this is my first Christmas without him... you think of pleasant memories of Christmases gone by. I remember the warm fuzzy memories of Christmas mornings... the thrill of looking in the stocking and opening up the packages... eating Christmas breakfast together...

But by afternoon or evening, he always changed. His temper would erupt, he'd yell, scream, throw things... he'd threaten suicide, or murder...

My memories of him are all double-sided... the good husband and father, who ran as fast as he could from the pain he couldn't deal with... and the violent abuser, who took out the pain out on all around him.

Today James and I applied for our marriage licence... and for the first time, I wrote the word "deceased" next to my father's name. I feel so much anger at his death sometimes... he should have been here with me! I'm only 27... I'm starting my adult life, renovating a house, embarking on an exciting (but scary) adventure called "marriage"... and I need my Daddy.

I don't understand why he had to pass away when he did. He was getting SO much better, physically AND emotionally. He'd been taking anti-depressants, and was mellowing out quite a bit! We could talk for longer and longer periods of time, without our conversations leading into suicide or ramblings about his guilt from the past. I learned so much about him in the last couple of years... we talked about books, history, life... I'd finally stopped dreading the prospect of a future with him in it (will he ruin my wedding? Should he be allowed around my children?) and as he began to allow himself to heal, our relationship began to heal too.

And now he's gone... and I'm left here, to go on without him.

In Remembrance - Day 1

This week is The Week of Remembrance, and so if you'll pardon me for a bit, I'd like to share with you a little about my dad.

My dad was my hero for most of my life... with his easy laughter and teasing ways, he was a little girls dream. I remember so many good times with him... learning about how the engine of a mower ran, inhaling the scent of sawdust as we cut firewood, and the stillness of the woods around us as we hunted for mushrooms.

In spite of all of the evils he did, this is the father I miss... him hugging me to him, telling me that he loved me... teasing me about this or that... long evenings spent around the kitchen table with his friends, playing Uno or Euchre...

This year, I don't know how to grieve for the loss of my father... I can't mourn my first Christmas without him, since I haven't spent a Christmas with him in over ten years. I can't mourn an annual Christmas chat over the phone, since we rarely called each other during the Christmas season. My father was severely depressed during the holidays, and listening to his plans for suicide was NOT my idea of holiday cheer.

My feelings about my father are so conflicting... I'm not sure what to even feel. Especially during the holidays. I can't really mourn what was... but I mourn what never will be. I mourn his first time meeting my future husband... the look on his face when he saw my first child... him beside me as I walk down the isle on my wedding day... I mourn the Christmas dinners we could have invited him to, and the holiday spirit that comes to even the most depressed heart when children become involved in the celebrations. I miss his wisdom in helping me to fix up the house... the best hunting spots he and I could have shown to James... the hours they would have spent happily tinkering on cars together as I went about my days.

I miss the Dad I always dreamed of having.

My Friends Came Through!!!!

It's 1 AM here in JanaLand, and the house is quiet. After panicing all day yesterday, I woke up quite late this morning. Ran around the house in a panic, cleaning and trying to get everything ready for my long-awaited invitation-making party!

So, who showed up???


Baby Hannah showed up!!!!! And look, she was even wearing the hat I crocheted for her!!!

I held her for a while.....

Cuddled her and marveled at her cuteness... (and the cuteness of Jakey and Big Sis Gracie, who are in the background of this pic)

Watched her as she slept peacefully in my arms...

Oh, and some grownups showed up too!!!!

Brit, the great artist, is in the midst of a masterpiece. AND, she just started her first blog tonight!!! Feel free to stop in at her blog and read about her hilarious adventures.

My mommy (aka Momma Wall) and Kim were here too!!!!

After the initial time spent getting everything set up (the word "Bridezilla" was used several times... which hurt a little. I'm not sure why.), we got a lot of invitations made....

(Brit made this one.)

(I made this one!)

(I made this one, too!)

(Brit made this one!)

And had a lot of fun. I've missed my Ohana SO much... and it really meant a lot to me to know that I wasn't in all of this alone.

We have the bulk of the urgent invitations ready to ship out as soon as the date is confirmed. (Talking to the pastor one last time tomorrow. I'm worried about that, and not sure why.) Each invitation was made buy us, each one was made differently, and we had a lot of fun with it. My life's main stresses have been lowered to a level I can deal with, and after all of this, I'm glad I took the leap of faith and asked for help.

Announcing: The Week of Remembrance

The holidays can be a very hard times for those mourning a loss. The grief can make you feel so alone, and others may not know how to help you keep the memory of your loved one around through the normally joyous times.

This year, I would like to take one week to remember those who are no longer with us. A week to support one another, talk about those we have lost, and to show each other that we are not alone in our pain.

Would you like to participate?

The Week of Rememberance will begin Sunday, December 9th, and run until Saturday, December 15th.

Leave a comment here in this post, and I will add you to the list of participants.

Feel free to show your participation on your blog by posting this lit candle graphic (donated by the amazingly talented Suzie).


Post as much, or as little, as you want about the person you love through this week. Visit the blogs of others as much or as little as you feel able.

Lets support each other through these holidays.

Participants:

Ellie - A Mother & Daughter Prospective
Suzie - Suzie's Sacred Space

A Leap of Faith

Today, I'm contemplating an enourmous gamble.

A wedding in one month can't be done alone... it requires a leap of faith. Faith that those who have promised to help, will follow through.

I'm scared out of my mind... I live my life as independantly as possible at all times. I protect myself with isolation and self-sufficiency. I do everything I can to make sure I NEVER need anyone.

But right now, I DO need others. My friends all said they'd help any way they could... so tomorrow I am having an "Invitation-Making Party". (Bribe friends with food & games= get more help)

So far, one adult is definately coming to help, and one of "my kids" is coming to watch the adult's child. James should be able to be there, but I'm not sure how much he will be able to do, of the girly-swirly artsy invitation-making. And making the nice invitations is VERY important to me... I think being able to pull that off, knowing that my friends haven't failed me (at least, I hope I'll be able to say that.) will give the confidence I need to know that I can pull this wedding off.

I don't understand how I can work so hard to be the friend who never fails th others... and be so completely terrified that when I finally need my friends not to fail me... they will. I don't even know how to communicate to them how badly I need their help. If I am honest about how desperately I do need them, I feel melodramatic and needy. If I sugar-coat the need, they won't see how badly I do need them.

This is a huge leap of faith of me... and ya know what? I'm proud of myself for trying. And if they do fail me, yes I'll be deeply hurt, and disappointed... but I'll live. And maybe if they do fail, James's family will be able to help... *plotting alternative invitation-making strategies*

I DID IT!!!!!!!

I have officially not only started to make my wedding dress from the test material (freeform, because patterns make me want to shoot things.) but IT ACTUALLY IS WORKING!!!!!! After less than 4 hours of working on it, while watching TV, I have the design for the top done, AND the dress is the correct length!

If you want pics, you'll have to give me your e-mail addy though, since James DOES read this blog!!!!!! *waving to James*

But so that you don't feel TOO deprived, here is a pic of the bib I made last week. It's about the right size for babies over 4 months old, and was so cute that I'm making more for my etsy shop!!! A purple one and a pink one are currently being crocheted!

Wellness Wednesday

This week, I decided to join the bloggers doing Wellness Wednesday.

So, where am I, health-wise?

I am completely out of shape.

I drink far too much soda.

My immune system is very very weak.

I have a ton of energy! (even without the soda LOL)

My cholesterol is twice what it should be.

I have a habit of eating extremely unhealthy foods.

What am I doing about it?

This Monday, I made one small change. I stopped buying Movie Theatre Butter popcorn, and began eating oatmeal for breakfast instead. My boss had all kinds of good suggestions for ways to make the oatmeal taste better. The ones I've tried:

Peanut butter & Splenda (Kinda boring)

Peanut butter, raisins, & splenda (MUCH better!)

Craisins & splenda (Pretty tasty)

Tomorrow I plan to try it with pieces of cut up apple in it, and some cinnamon... mmmm....

Anyone have any other oatmeal suggestions?

If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all. - Anna Quindlen

Today is turning out to be a rather interesting day. The bosses are both gone at work, my coworker is gone, and all of my work is done. So, while the bosses are away... what is the Jana doing??

• Wedding planning! We've decided to try and move the date up... we wanted to have it on Dec 29, but that didn't work out... now we're talking about sometime at the beginning of January.
• Baby shower planning! Brit's shower is this Sunday, and I have so much to do! I'm way excited!!!
• Winter cleaning - my inboxes are absolutely PACKED with e-mails. Some are read and just not filed/deleted. Some are read and not replied to. Some, *blushing* are not even read yet.
• Remembering - Do you all realize that the comments you leave on my blog are e-mailed to me?? I have like 350 of them living in my e-mail inbox! Today, I'm going through them... reading them and feeling your love, and putting the best into a special folder.
• Bloghopping - it's been forever since I just randomly bloghopped!! I plan to do some of that today, as I read your comments.
• Enjoying - I have one chance to make this day a "success"... to make the most of every moment... and I plan to do it.

Ephiphanies

Sometimes I feel like I live my life in a fog... going through the motions of everyday life, detached from what's going on around and inside of me... and out of nowhere, a moment of crystal clarity comes.

This time last year, I had one of those moments. I sat at my computer, in the middle of the night... thinking about life, and love... and realizing that James WAS my one and only... my once in a lifetime. I remember how scared and excited I was... to realize that he was THE ONE. (It only took me 3 years... holy crap I'm dense sometimes!!!) I even put it on my goal list... and blogged about the results of that!

And now, almost exactly a year from that date... it happened again. James came over this afternoon and then left this evening... the house was quiet... I watched a Hallmark movie... and suddenly had an ephiphany. (Which was totally un-related to the movie, wierdly enough.)

Life is SO short, so fragile, and so totally unpredictable. We have one shot at this life... and there are no guarantees that tomorrow will come.

I can spend the next six months of my life alone, planning and dreaming of what might come later... or I can jump in, and live my dreams now. Tomorrow isn't promised... I want to enjoy James while I have the chance.

The Best Laid Plans....

Tonight I had a great plan... I would go home, and spend the evening cleaning my house. I would get as much cleaning done as humanly possible, so that tomorrow I'd be free to create and to put items on Etsy and Ebay. (Which I've been meaning to do for QUITE some time.)

And then I turned on the computer.

I got a message from Rafael, a guy from Brazil... a message I'd normally ignore. But for whatever reason, I decided to reply... and my evening changed dramatically. We discussed our lives, our countries... and the deaths of our fathers.

I've felt unable to grieve for my father this holiday season... I knew I needed to honor my grief... but I have felt so deeply detached from my grief. I knew that deep inside of me, I was hurting... I was dreading the holiday season... I was avoiding putting up decorations or participating in any festivities... I didn't want to deal with the first Christmas without my dad. I think the sickness I've had since the day before Thanksgiving may be related to it... my body's way of forcing me to slow down and grieve.

Today, as I chatted with Rafael, and read Shelley's blog... my grief finally surfaced. I am making plans for how to honor my father's memory this Christmas... to share the grief with others who knew him... and to find holiday joy through the pain.

To those of you who have grieved in the past, do you have any suggestions for honoring the memory of a loved one during the holidays?

Budding Obsessions

Yes, I do have new budding obsessions! Would you like to hear about them? Good!

• Crocheting is quickly becoming an all-consuming obsession! I've currently crocheted most of two bibs (gotta do the edges in a different color, then will scan pics.) and working on crocheting more of these cute little ornaments to put on my Etsy site! (in various colors and various textures... I think I'll sell them in sets of 6 or 12 of matching ones.)

• And speaking of crochet... I found THIS book at the library, and it teaches you about freeform knitting and crochet. Honestly, the INSTANT I saw this book, I KNEW it was what I'd been looking for! I'm hoping/desperately praying/expecting that this book will help me learn how to really put my HEART into what I do. I'm not satisfied to follow other people's patterns forever... I want to be the one MAKING the patterns! Or not even USING patterns!!! Talking about that almost makes me cry.
• And speaking of things that almost make me cry for joy... I'm obsessed with Earl Had To Die, by the Dixie Chicks. Click here to find the lyrics to it... listening to it makes me happy inside.
• And speaking of things that make me happy inside... it's time for me to to babysit Gracie and Baby Hannah for a couple of hours!!! Me and my yarn will return to you all later, after cuddling the wee one and roughhousing with the toddler!

8 Random Things About ME!

I was tagged by Suzie to tell 8 random things about me, so I decided to combine that with last week's Wishcasting prompt of "Which parts of your self do you wish to accept?"


1. I have always found people with disabilities to be intriguing. I'm pretty sure I inherited this from my dad, who considered it a sign of weakness and hid it deep inside himself... something to be ashamed of. I hid it too... while I watched other people embrace this in themselves. So, today, I'm announcing to all the world, that I find people with disabilities to be intriguing. I love watching how people adapt to find ways to do things that others say they can't. Glenda, for example, has figured out how to type using only her left thumb! How cool is THAT?!


2. I am a "fixer." I love to analyze people. If you spend ANY amount of time with me at all, you will find me quietly cracking open your brain, and analyzing the contents. (Like Sylar from Heroes, only not evil.) I use this information anytime when you seem to need help... I'm very empathetic, sensing your emotions pretty easily... and I use the knowledge I acquire to "fix" your problems. I am NOT the friend to have around if you want to wallow in your crap, as I will quickly kick you in the butt. I consider not being able to fix your problems to be a personal failure on my part. Which is probably one reason that...


3. I take happy pills. I will probably always take happy pills. Every once in a while, I get this idea that if I just do _________, maybe I could stop taking them. If I get the house clean, or stop doing so many things, or get my finances caught up, or avoid stressful people... I will earn not having to have happy pills. Really though... I just need to take them. Right now, my body chemicals are not balanced without medication... and it's not fair to myself to not take the medication. I need to accept that.

4. I love to crochet, but sometimes I wonder if I avoid "riskier" art projects, simply because crochet is "safe". I can always finish what I start, and any mistakes I make are easily undone and redone. It is very very hard to destroy yarn in the process. Nothing I do is permanent.

Other art requires a risk... if I collage an ornament, the glue, pages, and collaged surface will never be the same. The glue and paper will never be usable again. I have a major fear of "ruining" stuff, and no idea how to conquer that fear.

5. Inside of me reside a susie-homemaker and an angry feminist. I like both of them... the susie-homemaker helps me to make others feel comfortable in my home, make craft items to help my home reflect my personality, and makes some seriously awesome deserts!!!! (Good soups too.) The angry feminist helps me set boundaries for myself as an adult woman... helps me to protect myself from dangerous situations... and teaches the younger females in my life how to protect themselves from dangerous situations too. I love that about her... she doesn't teach them to hate men, but teaches them how to keep their power. Combine the two? You have June Cleaver... holding a bloodied meat cleaver with sadistic glee! Bwahahaha

6. I love to sing. I sing in the shower. I sing out of the shower. I sing in the car. I sing on the job. (yeah, seriously. I try not to... but always end up singing anyway. Most of the men at my job sing randomly too though, so it's all good.) I sing in the middle of Walmart. (The last time I did that, I got a lecture from a total stranger, asking me if I was using the gift God gave me. It was a bit scawy, but did make me think.) I sing as I clean. I burst into song at the mention of random phrases. "He had it comin'" makes me sing the Cell Block Tango. The sound of thunder makes me sing "The Thunder Rolls." Sometimes, i even dance as I sing... which brings me to #7

7. I adore dancing. It all started when I got a ballet workout DVD from the library... and LOVED IT. (Who would have thought???!!!) Then I got a Latin Dancing workout DVD... and love it too!!! Since then, I've grown more in touch with my body... I feel more in control of my motions, and less clumsy. I worry a lot less about looking silly. I've even burst into random dances in the middle of Walmart a couple of times. (Much to the amusement and slight fear of my shopping buddies.) But really, they play music over the speakers... Why NOT dance???

Now I just need the courage and opportunity to try and dance with others....

And, in the spirit of full disclosure and utmost honesty... I must confess to you...

8. I am DEEPLY and wholeheartedly amused by farts. Not just letting them... (although, my inner child IS deeply amused by "making her butt talk." ) but everything about them. Talking about them brings me great amusement. Stories about the great farts of years gone by make me laugh loudly and deeply. Acronims for them make me giggle softly to myself (SBD... *giggle*...) Letting them silently and then leaving the room for others to be blamed fills me with joy to the depths of my soul.

I critique the farts of my friends and loved ones. (You call THAT a fart???? Dainty old women fart louder than that!!! You can do SO much better.) My little "nephew" (Jakey) runs to me every time he breaks wind (hehe, breaks wind.) and loudly exclaims "Hey Janet! Guess what?? I FARTED!!!!!" and waits for my enthusiastic praise. A few weeks ago, I heard his fart from the other side of the room... and applauded.

I Knew It!

I knew there was a reason that I love friends who have kids!!!!!

Here is Jakey, vacuuming my carpet! He vacuumed the entire thing... he kept coming in asking me to move stuff so he could vacuum under it!!! THIS KID ROCKS!!!!!!!

This is Gracie and I on the couch... her mommy took this pic of us. Is she not just too cute???

This is Gracie modeling the new hat I crocheted for her!!!! Baby Hannah, her little sis, has a matching one. Now I just need to crochet a little flower or something to embellish it... and it's all set!

And this pic is the Gracie-puppy!!!! Gracie is so cute pretending to be a puppy dog. She pants and everything!

Childhood Memories

Every time I get sick, I think of my childhood. Laying on the couch, watching TV... eating lots of jello...

And hating school.

I was ALWAYS sick as a child. My nose was CONSTANTLY running, and red, and irritated from the constant blowing. I always had a cough. (This all ended about the same time we moved out of my dad's house, which had a wood-burning stove!) I was already deeply self-conscious, so the trips up to the teacher's desk, in the FRONT of the room, to get kleenexs were a nightmare.... and then came the drama.

"Why are you blowing your nose so much?"
"Do you know how many kleenex you've used today?"
"Your pareents need to donate kleenex if you're going to keep blowing your nose this much."

And so on. And so forth. Evidently they thought I was just being wasteful? Well, no, I wasn't... I was so scared of the teachers saying something, that I learned to "recycle" kleenexes. I'd get a few in the morning, use them as many times as possible... some more later in the morning, same thing... then by afternnoon the early-morning kleenexes were dry, so I would open them back up... and use them again. Until they fell apart. And STILL I got in trouble for using too many kleenexs. Sometimes I even used the same kleenexes for multiple days. Do you KNOW how gross that was???!!

I think there is a special place in hell for teachers who make their students feel self-conscious for basic body needs.

(And no, there is not a point to this ranting. Except that teachers suck. And colds suck. And noses-rubbed-raw-from-kleenexs suck. And I want a nap.)

THUD!

(I posted this post last night, and then deleted it because it seemed awefully whiney... but really, it's how I felt. So, after talking to a way-cool friend, I put it back up. Here it is!)

No, for once this is not an "Owwie Story"... that is the sound of me losing my balance. Not in a physical way (hence the lack of owwies!), but on the inside.

I don't know when it started exactly... I thought I was doing really well! I was being a good friend for once, being a good almost-wife to James, and so on... but really, I was just trying to prove to... I'm not sure who. But I was trying to prove to someone, most likely myself, that I WAS okay. But really, I wasn't. Financially, I've hit rock bottom after the bank screwed me over, and am still recovering. Physically I've deprived my body of sleep and good nutrition until I finally got sick this Wednesday... and I'm still sick. And emotionally... crap.

I'm not sure how I got in this position, but I seem to be stuck in a whirlwind of proving myself. To everyone. Even people who suck! I have cleaned childrens vomit to prove my devotion to "my kids." I have scrubbed the house of a friend to prove that I am not a sucky friend. I've spent time with James when I really wanted to collapse in bed with a good book, to prove I'm not a sucky soon-to-be-wife. And to top it all off? My glitter crayons SUCKED!!!! The glitter wouldn't come off as my ADHD child colored, and the crayon on the paper peeled if you pressed hard... *sigh* So I couldn't prove that I'm an awesome artsy person, because the crayons sucked, and my attempt to collage a coloring page didn't work out, and.. I haven't blogged every day, and....

And it's officially the holiday season, the first one without my Dad, and I haven't dealt with that AT ALL. I'm still trying to stick my head in the sand and pretend Christmas doesn't exist, even as I make Christmas ornaments. Yeah. I pride myself on my logic.

So, that's my official emotional state.

But in happier news... Hardees has a "new" milkshake, Oreo! It's not really new though, it's just their Cookies & Cream shake, marketed under a new name... but still insanely yummy. I highly recommend it!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Happy turkey day everyone!!!!

I didn't celebrate mine in quite the way I'd expected today... Instead of being surrounded by loved ones, laughter, and such... I was surounded by kleenex, the hum of the computer, and some SERIOUSLY tasty leftovers!!! Not the turkey day I'd expected, but I think my body needed a day of jammies and laziness.

My stupid puter is being a pain today, so I will keep this short to preserve my sanity. More tomorrow, including a glitter-crayon drawing by my inner ADHD child! Stay tuned for this and more! *using best TV ad voice*

Behold!!!!!!!!!

I just realized I had this in my car, and COULD take a pic for you!!!! *happy clap*

Now, there is a story behind this particular mini-bootie.

After I had made 4 booties using the same pattern, I decided to try another one. Well, I got started on it, without paying attention to what SIZE crochet hook I was supposed to use. I just used the same one I had on the last set.

It came out UBER-small, but seemed like a fun pattern! That left me with one small problem though...

What do I do with this itty-bitty bootie???

So I happened to find one of Gracie's baby dolls later that day, and realized that it had uber-small feet!!! So I put the bootie on it and gave the doll to Gracie...

She RAN with it to the living room, showing it to Mommy and Daddy and loudly exclaiming "OCK! OCK!" and holding up her dollie to show them!

Talk about a warm fuzzy feeling!!!! Gracie's babies are SO going to get lots of clothes this Christmas. LOL

A New Addition!!!

Yesterday, a new member was added to our Ohana! Hannah (daughter of Brittany & Phillip, and little sis to Gracie) was born yesterday afternoon, and is doing great!

Poor Gracie has the flu though, and hasn't been able to see her new baby sis yet. I watched her yesterday while Hannah was being born, and thought she was getting better... til she threw up right as I was leaving for work this morning. :( Stupid flu!!!!!

Tonight James is planning to come over, in his car-with-no-brakes, and tomorrow is his family Thanksgiving! My car is nice and legal now (and I am $205 poorer) so we will drive it.

I'll post a "real" blogpost as soon as I can, with lots of pics of booties and kiddos and art and random stuffs. But for now... ADIOS!!!

Things Couldn't Possibly Get Any Worse...

But they did.

I forgot to renew my license registration for my wittle car, and James got pulled over, twice, while borrowing today to go to work. AND he couldn't even make it in to work, because they threatened to tow the car. Oh, and my car insurance lapsed. And if you're wondering why I am so "irresponsible", let me remind you that the bank just screwed me over for $600+, and I was busy paying to keep my house and car.

However, with this small exception, life is very good. Our Ohana thanksgiving dinner Saturday was AWESOME! We made turkey, ham, stuffing, pies, rolls, taters.... MMMMMMMmmmmmmmm it was yummy. I wrestled around on the floor with Jakey, and then "spooned" with James (clothed. We were clothed. No nasty ideas there.) when I was tired.

Had two emotional breakdowns over the weekend, last nights was especially exceptional. I blogged at my spiritual-stuff blog about spiritual abuse, but I've never really talked much about it... I mean, who would understand if I did? Half of the people would use it as ammo to say that Christianity sucks, and the other half would say I was evil and just had a skewed perspective.

Last night, as James & I were talking about which church to go to after marriage, I cracked. I sobbed uncontrolably in his arms... and it was good. I talked about it a little after my sob was done... and I feel cleansed.

But now, I must go... more updates later!

HOLY CRAP!!!!

I just downloaded ALL the pics from my camera, which is like A THOUSAND, and realized...

"Holy Crap!!! I have to be at Brit's house in 10 minutes... and she lives 10 minutes away!!!!!!"

Gotta go. More pics later!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Early Thanksgiving!

Greetings everyone!

I just wanted to give you all a quick howdy tonight. James and I just got back from a DATE! We went out to eat at IHOP, and then went to EBash to play video games... It was UBER FUN!!!!!!

Tomorrow evening is our Ohana Thanksgiving, so I'll be posting all kinds of pics and fun stories when I get home.

Adios todos!

Failures & Sucesses

To honor my commitment to emotional transparency... I need to blog today about what's going on inside of me.

I feel like a total and complete failure.

My Ohana has had it's first divorce, and I feel like it's my fault. If I had just been ENOUGH for them... enough to hold them together... this wouldn't have happened.

My house is STILL not clean. The thought of it makes me want to just sit down and sob.

I haven't gotten pics up on my blog for AEM. I have done things! I've made ornaments, crocheted two hats, drew up new ornament designs, made one ATC and started another,... But I haven't put them online. And right now, that seems like a monumental failure. Everyone comes to my blog, and finds no art there.

I haven't called James at all this week. And I'm okay with that, but no one else is (except, James.) With all of the self-criticisms going through my brain, other criticism is just really overwhelming today.

And spiritually? Wow. I suck.

~*~*~*~*~

Now that I've ranted to you about my failures... I'm going to try and honour my sucesses. (Someone else did that on her blog, but I can't think of who at the moment and can't find the post. *sigh*)

Jana's Recent Successes:

• I HAVE gotten the house a little cleaner each day.
• I've been a good friend to all of the friends who don't suck.
• I've stuck to my decision to divorce the friends who DO suck, and am not looking back.
• I've allowed myself to express my emotions, even when people looked at me funny or didn't know how to deal with tears from "the strong one."
• I have done MUCH better about self-care this week. My toenails are neatly trimmed, my skin is less dry, I've been drinking more water and less pop... I've even been thinking of ways to use oatmeal to lower my cholesterol!
• I've lost 3 pounds!

Maybe as I've "failed" in some areas this week, I've suceeded in others!!! I don't suck as bad as I thought!

Let me challenge you to ask yourself:

What sucesses can I celebrate today?

Which One Are YOU?

In honor of my current obsession... may I present you all with...

A quiz:

Which Lady of the Cell Block Tango are you?

You're JUNE!!! Third of our dangerous lady killers!You appear to be rather short tempered and enjoy blaming others for their actions. Using a knife makes things quick with an easy clean up if you have the right materials. You also seem to be quite the cook, but not good at logic. You can't run into a knife!And can someone please explain the squish?!"Ten times!"
Take this quiz!








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Merry Murderouses

Down But Not Out

Hello my lovely blogging budds!

Did you think I had given up on AEM?? (Art Every Day Month, started by the beloved blogger Leah)

NOPE!!! I'm still going! I haven't gotten as much "done" as I'd planned to... but I HAVE been working!!!

I have been trying this week to get my friend Brittany's baby stocked up on hats and booties... the hat part is going GREAT!!! (Pics will be taken very soon!!) But the booties??? Whew... I'm sucking at that, right now. Wow am I sucking at them! The first pattern made HUGE booties. The second one was going great, until the heel, which seemed to be written in Swahili. *sigh* Gracie now has that one, and uses it as a chew toy when she is playing the role of the "Gracie puppy". LOL

I also came up with some wicked cool designs for new ornaments to make! I can't wait to get started on them!!!

And on an emotional note... I had a nice emotional blowout last night, and feel much better.

TGIM

Yes, you did read that right...

Thank God It's Monday!!!!!!!!! I never thought I'd say those words.

This weekend we had our first Ohana "divorce"... two members of the Ohana (our group of friends who are as close as family) walked away this weekend... apparently when I told them the truth (reasons why we hadn't been hanging out with them too much, like that they had started acting differently, claiming God was telling them wierd things, and we were observing from a distance to try and figure out what was going on...) one of them decided to attempt suicide. And apparently it's all my fault, since my life is so stress-free and this person is the only one in the world with problems. (Sarcasm is currently dripping from my voice and threatening to flood the room.)

Now, as a tidbit of background on me, my father was SERIOUSLY manic depressive. For the first 12 years of my life I worried he would kill us or himself. For the next 10 years (once my mom and I were safe from him) I worried he would kill himself, and it would be my fault for not calling enough/loving enough/giving enough, etc.

I refuse to go through that again, ever. I will NOT live in worry about another person taking their life. I will tell them where to get help, encourage them if they try to... but I will NOT take responsibility for keeping them alive. Not now, not ever.

We had a LONG talk with the two Ohana members last night. After we confronted them about what they were doing, (lying to us, keeping a mentally unstable person in a house with a two-year-old, etc.) they decided to walk away from the Ohana rather than let us help them. They blamed it on us... (don't get me started on that. Don't EVEN get me started on that.)

I stayed at Brit's house last night after the talk... she cried, I cried... it felt like the friends we loved had died. I had known this was coming for a while... when I went to the Creative Bazaar in MA in October, these two betrayed my other friends, and continued to do that throughout the last month. I had cried and mourned the fact that we had lost two people we considered to be family... hoping against hope each time we saw them, that maybe they would apologize, and everything would be back to normal... but each time they betrayed us again.

So the ties have been cut, with a door left open so that if they want to not suck, they can re-join the Ohana.

And I am WAY proud of us! Brit and I are not the greatest at standing up for ourselves, or our needs... but this time, WE DID IT!!!!!!

Nesting All Around!!

Well, my friend Brittany is officially moved into her new house. Last night we got the big stuff moved in, some dishes in and washed, and the baby clothes ready to wash & be put into the dresser.

Today I did a bunch of laundry (mine, and James, and Brittany's baby clothes... how pathetic am I? "Can I please wash your baby clothing?? It makes me feel emotionally fulfilled." Brit will like it though... nothing like an OCD friend who likes to do baby laundry on occasion.)

Then I cleaned MY house... It is not clean, by any means... but we made progress today. Every room is cleaner this evening than it was when I woke up today. Less dishes are dirty, less laundry is in hampers.

Progress IS being made.

PUT ON THE BRAKES!

I am SO insanely glad that it is Friday. I can't wait to walk out of my doors here at work, go home, nap a little, change into junky clothes, and start my official WEEKEND!!! This will be a very full weekend, especially since my friends have all decided to feud (again). But you know what? They're grown adults. They can solve their own problems for once!

I'm drawing a line for myself... from this point on, if they want to all stay an Ohana (Ohana means family), they will have to care enough to apologize to one another and make peace. I refuse to take responsibility for holding them all together anymore. I won't listen to any more drama, whining, crying, or tattle-taling.

I WILL however, take a nice long nap, possibly a nice hot shower, and enjoy some relaxing time on the computer. I plan to don jammies for the nap time, and read a novel until I fall asleep. I will not worry about anyone but myself, for 2 hours.

Sometimes life feels like it's spinning completely out of control. Today... I'm putting on the brakes.

Art & Distractions

Well, my mind is officially off of the grief for my dad for a while. And how did this happen??

My friend Brittany, who is due to have a baby around Thanksgiving, started having contractions last night!!!!!!!!!! (And we all know, nothing can distract you from grief like the thought that someone might be having a baby on your couch!!! LOL)

Aunt Jana was busy scurrying around the house, packing a bag for herself (yarn, baby patterns, etc.) and a bag for Gracie - age 2 (crayons, coloring books, cereal to snack on, spare clothes & diapers)

Brits contractions have slowed for the moment (she is at my house, with my cell phone beside her... she started having strong contractions while there last night, and decided she wasn't up to walking long enough to go home. ) She has an appointment this afternoon with the doctor/midwife to tell them about the contractions and have them look at her and tell her what to expect at this stage.

It's all so exciting!!!!!!!

As Brit was having her contractions, and we were writing them down on a little sheet, I decided to do my AEDM project for the night: My first Mandala!!


Tammy V drew this picture and put it online for us all to color at our leisure!! I had SO much fun coloring her... in colors I'd always wanted to use, but never really found a place to use... But they really seem to fit her.

Here is another pic I took of it, this one has better color:

Thanks for the fun Tammy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grief

This week has been a very hard week for me...

For the first time, it really sunk in that this will be my first holiday season without my Dad. I have felt so alone in this... and I don't even know how to tell the people in my life that I AM hurting, that I need their support.... so I wrote a poem.

This, BTW, is the un-edited, totally raw version... I plan to edit before I show it to anyone else.

Grief

How can I tell you,
That I’m hurting today?
You’re so busy living your own life,
How can I ask you to stand with me,
As I grieve for the dead?

How can I share with you you,
the pain I feel inside?
When you see me as your strength,
The one who needs nothing.

How can I show you,
that my grief is never “done,”
When it pops up at times
That seem to make no sense.
When I smell his favorite cologne,
When a man in a beard walks by,
When a story makes me think of him,
When I know a dirty joke would make him laugh.

Instead I walk to the cemetery
A place where the dead still live.
I curl up beside his stone,
Finally opening my heart,
Displaying my pain.

And in this, the most lonely of places
I am surrounded by all the comfort I need.
The sun embraces me warmly,
Melting the coldness of my broken heart.
The wind blows all around me,
Caressing me with it’s cool fingers.
A lone cow lows mournfully in the distance,
Giving voice to my sorrow.

NTRPKT - And the Winner Is....

As you all may remember, I have a little contest going at my blog! I think I will call it "Name That Random Partially Knitted Thing"... NTRPKT for short. *giggle*

Earlier in the week, you were asked to guess what this would eventually become:

Some of the guesses given were:

• Christmas stocking
• Hat
• Blanket
• Sweater
• Scrunchie
• Scarf
• Flower
• Cozy
• Ornament
• Napkin Ring

So who was the winner???

ELLIE!!!

She guessed... a flower:

(Excuse the really crappy pic... took a photo with my cell phone cam out of desperation!)

Congrats Ellie!!! Send me an e-mail with your address & I'll get your flower off to you!

A New Commitment

When I signed up for NaBloPoMo this month, one goal I considered was to blog about my emotional state each day. I feel SO deeply detached sometimes...

So when you see wierd updates on my emotions, now you know why! :)

SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe, that the first time I try to do NaBloPoMo, my stupid keyboard quit functioning over the weekend?????

This is my official blog post for yesterday, since it is SO not my fault that the keyboard died. *sticking tongue out at the NaBloPoMo gods*

In other news... yesterday I had my emotional blowout for this quarter (I seem to have one about every three months or so... like my "happy pills" keep my emotions from getting out of control, but they build up a little here and there and eventually explode out if I miss a day or two of pills.) Luckily James was there, so he just held me tight as I cried... both times... *sigh* Now I'm emotionally spent, but I feel like I can deal with the things that were stressing me so bad. James is coming over today to help me get the house clean... I had the whole world at my house this weekend, (okay, just 4 other adults, one 5-year-old, and one 2-year-old... and another 2 adults and another 2-year-old were over Saturday night.) and only one offered to help clean up the mess they all made. I feel like my life is being spent doing other people's dishes, laundry, and clean-up... but as soon as I get the house clean this time, it is SO going to be a rule of my house that I am NOT anyone's mama, so clean up after your OWN selves!!! LOL

Really though, in their defense... even with the two kids in the house, they didn't leave much of a mess. The cat's litterbox was in the "kids room" (aka the living room) so he decided to poop on the floor of another room rather than venture in with the little heathen children... pizza boxes are scattered here and there, random pieces of laundry are left, and dishes... well, we won't even discuss them!! But the clutter left behind is minimal, no flour was spilled, no play-dough was ground into my carpet, and no teensy-tiny beads were spilled... so all in all?? Life is good. I think i just over-reacted due to the lack of happy-pills... but I DO plan on asking for help keeping the house clean on "communal weekends" like this from now on.

And let me just brag on myself for a moment and say... I have officially moved some of my friends into the "treat like family" category, and while they were at my house Friday, I cleaned around them. Consequently... all videos & dvds are back in their cases, and all kids movies are on the bottom 3 shelves where Gracie can reach them (and only them lol). And now? I maintained it!!!! Wooo hooo!!!

AEM - Day 3

Tonight's newest creation... collaged ornaments! (Which will be embellished more later I'm guessing, but for now... THIS WAS FUN!!!!!!)

Must post this before midnight!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta go now.

AEDM - Day 2

Well, unfortunately I have no pics to show you today... not because I don't WANT to show you any pics (I actually took about 10.), but because silly me lent her camera to a friend and forgot to put the pics on her computer first!!! *sigh*

As a result, you have until tomorrow to vote on yesterday's mystery yarn creation... so far, the correct answer hasn't been given! So let me give you a clue:

The finished dimensions of this item are:

1 1/2 inch around
1 1/2 inch tall

(Yes, the item is 3-dimensional.)

Guessing will remain open until my camera is returned!

In the meantime, here is a quick report of my accomplishments for the day:

• Did yard work, for the first time in FOREVER!!!! Had a blast!
• Cleaned some on the living room
• Made attempt #1 at ornament making - Failed (technique didn't work, and came off) but learned from it
• Started my FIRST ATC CARD!!!!!!!! *happy dance*
• Started to organize my art/craft room

And now, for my final accomplishment for the day....

I'm going to bed. Nite!!!!!!

AEDM - Day 1

Well, today is the first day of Art Everyday Month! Before I start to tell you about my progress though, let me show you the newest update to my Dream box:

He's really starting to take shape!!!!!

Now, for AEM this month, I had originally planned to learn a different type of art/craft per week. But today I decided to rethink that... the structure of that seems a bit annoying, and my inner child is not happy about it. Sooooo... We'll just see what happens this month!

Last night, I decided to start my month off with some creative knitting... a kind I hadn't done before. So, for AEM day one... here is my progress so far! (You'll never guess what it's going to be... but how about we make a little contest? If you DO guess what it is, I will mail the finished project to you!)

So what do YOU think this will be???

Halloween In Pictures

Tuesday night we started our Halloween festivities! In a matter of minutes, I transformed myself into a dark elf:

Bwahahahaha I am evil elf, hear me roar!!!

"Ah! Make him go away!"

James came over, and was trying to kidnap Kim using his cloak!

"I AM evil!"

James was a count or some other dark hooded villan. You can't see his cane too well, but it was seriously hawt.

"I am SUPER COP!"

Jakey J was a cop... is he not just TOO darn cute???

"This is the BAD finger!"

Jakey was showing James which finger was bad, and I happened to catch him right at that moment in a photo! hahaha

"Come! Join our vampiric circle of evil!"

"And what are YOU little girl?"

"DEATH" *growl*

Was Gracie not just the cutest Grim Reaper EVER???

Brittany was such a cute scarecrow!

April was a mercinary. (spelled wrong, of course!)

"TRICK OR TREAT!!!"

The first house! Jakey was ALL about the candy!

"WHOA, I get CANDY for dressing this way???? SWEET!!!"

Gracie quickly got into the spirit of things!

"Aren't we just so cute?"

Eventually, Gracie's costume started getting in her way & tripping her, so her Mommy made her into a scarecrow too.

And we all lived happily ever after!

Halloween is HERE!!!!

Happy Halloween everyone!!!!

I sadly don't have my trick-or-treating pics with me at work today, but let me just tell you that we had a lot of fun! We're taking Jakey & Gracie out tonight again, so new costumes for the grownups! (And for Gracie... hers was too long and she tripped.)

I hope to have pics of us all last night, and pics of my two newest box creations, posted sometime tonight.

But in the meantime... here is my question of the day:

I am participating in Art Every Day Month at Leah's blog during the month of November. My plan is to learn one new skill each of the 5 weeks that November falls in...

So far, I DEFINATELY want to learn more about:

• Collage
• Papier Mache
• Applique

My question to you all, though, is... what suggestions do you have for the other two weeks? I need crafts that don't require me to buy any supplies or that use supplies I already own (paint, thread, yarn, beads, wire, glitter paints, etc.).

And, while I'm asking opinions... do you all have any fav art/craft tutorial sites you'd like to recommend?

Wedding Advice

James and I are really re-thinking how we want our wedding to go, and so I decided to ask people who HAVE been married, about their wedding experience. Right now our wedding plans are: big wedding, approx 300 people invited. WAY casual reception to follow.

But some of you all who read this have been married, sooooooooooo.... can I probe into the depths of your brains for a moment?

1. Tell me about your wedding. Was it big or small? Themed? Any unique things inserted?

2. If you could do your wedding over, what would you have done differently?

3. If you could do your wedding over, what would you NEVER EVER change?

4. Do you have any advice for James & I?

Back to the Real World

Happy Monday my blogging budds!

I'm back to work today, and my stomach has finally calmed down. I'm still feeling a bit drained, but oh well.

My mouth is barely hurting now... I'm pretty sure that I didn't hurt any of my teeth, but instead I must have popped my jaw or jammed it or something. I can open my mouth up wide again now... *demonstrating*... move the bottom of my mouth all around without pain... *demonstrating*... and even chew gum! AND blow bubbles!!! (Can't demonstrate that... I left my gum at home. *sigh*)

I made some more dough creations, either for embellishing boxes or possibly to be used as ornaments... crocheted a few more flowers... worked some more on my box with the stars... and BEAT MY NANCY DREW GAME!!! (They are SO insanely fun... I highly recommend them!)

Now it's back to work for me... but hopefully tonight I'll have at least two more boxes to take pics of for you all! (woo hoo!)

Sick Days Rock!

Well, as you can tell if you read my to-do list for this weekend, I am not nearly as far along in my accomplishments as I had planned. And why is this? It seems that I have some kind of annoying stomach bug!

But as I played my new Nancy Drew computer game, I actually relaxed and ENJOYED my sick day! And what did I do?

Well, of course I worked on my boxes... but not using the usual supplies.



These new additions to the Ohana Art boxes are made of DOUGH! They are SO fun to make, I've had a ball. Here are some I made that haven't been painted yet...



And here are some fo the ones that I HAVE started painting. (Some still need touch-ups though.)

And some of the things I've been making are even CROCHETED!!! I'm very proud of these... I've actually made more than this picture shows, but I'm not sure where I laid some of them.


So who says sick days are all bad???

Weekend Goals & A Pic

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought this weekend would NEVER get here! But finally IT HAS! Life has gone back to semi-normal for the moment... My friends and their 2 year old had been staying here for a few days, which was fun but exhausting (for all of us)... but last night they went back to their home. I also accidently crunched on what I THOUGHT was a piece of popcorn yesterday, which turned out to be a mostly-unpopped kernel... and somehow managed to hurt my mouth. Not sure if I chipped a tooth, cracked a tooth, or just made my jaw hurt... but today it is hurting to talk and to chew. Bleh.

But, the good thing about this all is... I get time AT HOME!!!!!!!!!! So, other than the obvious goals for the weekend (aka, sleep. Sleep more.) I have a few goals for tonight:

• Get all dishes done - about 50% done
• Wash all laundry - started
• Rearrange stuff in freezer

And some goals for the weekend in general:

• Get all laundry hung up/folded/put away
• Install and enjoy my newest Nancy Drew computer game
• Have an Artist Date with myself.

More goals will probably follow... but those are the ones I have now.

I also have some pics that I promised to show to Suzie... Of what? My shoes. My hiking shoes, to be exact. Her post about her hiking shoes made me realize that mine were in deep need of replacements, too. But aren't they just adorable??? They are size 3!

But unfortunately... their tread is almost gone...

And the shoe is trying to come apart from it's sole. :o( So soon we will go shoe shopping...and these will be officially retired.

I hope you all will have an AWESOMELY WONDERFUL weekend! I think I'm off now to get some sleep... but first I just HAVE to show you this pic from last night. My friend's little girl was at my house as I started to make a pumpkin dump cake, and decided it looked like fun. I scooted her chair over by me as I started to put ingredients in the bowl... (she thinks breaking eggs is just amazingly cool!), and then she seemed to want to stir. I was like "hey, free child labor!!!! Woo hoo!!" and gave her the spoon. She mixed in the pumpkin... the milk... the spices... and even the sugar! And look at how much fun we had:

Not only did she mix the stuff... she mixed it really well!!!! Mayhaps one day we'll see her competing on Top Chef?!