Failures & Sucesses

To honor my commitment to emotional transparency... I need to blog today about what's going on inside of me.

I feel like a total and complete failure.

My Ohana has had it's first divorce, and I feel like it's my fault. If I had just been ENOUGH for them... enough to hold them together... this wouldn't have happened.

My house is STILL not clean. The thought of it makes me want to just sit down and sob.

I haven't gotten pics up on my blog for AEM. I have done things! I've made ornaments, crocheted two hats, drew up new ornament designs, made one ATC and started another,... But I haven't put them online. And right now, that seems like a monumental failure. Everyone comes to my blog, and finds no art there.

I haven't called James at all this week. And I'm okay with that, but no one else is (except, James.) With all of the self-criticisms going through my brain, other criticism is just really overwhelming today.

And spiritually? Wow. I suck.

~*~*~*~*~

Now that I've ranted to you about my failures... I'm going to try and honour my sucesses. (Someone else did that on her blog, but I can't think of who at the moment and can't find the post. *sigh*)

Jana's Recent Successes:

• I HAVE gotten the house a little cleaner each day.
• I've been a good friend to all of the friends who don't suck.
• I've stuck to my decision to divorce the friends who DO suck, and am not looking back.
• I've allowed myself to express my emotions, even when people looked at me funny or didn't know how to deal with tears from "the strong one."
• I have done MUCH better about self-care this week. My toenails are neatly trimmed, my skin is less dry, I've been drinking more water and less pop... I've even been thinking of ways to use oatmeal to lower my cholesterol!
• I've lost 3 pounds!

Maybe as I've "failed" in some areas this week, I've suceeded in others!!! I don't suck as bad as I thought!

Let me challenge you to ask yourself:

What sucesses can I celebrate today?