Yes, you did read that right...
Thank God It's Monday!!!!!!!!! I never thought I'd say those words.
This weekend we had our first Ohana "divorce"... two members of the Ohana (our group of friends who are as close as family) walked away this weekend... apparently when I told them the truth (reasons why we hadn't been hanging out with them too much, like that they had started acting differently, claiming God was telling them wierd things, and we were observing from a distance to try and figure out what was going on...) one of them decided to attempt suicide. And apparently it's all my fault, since my life is so stress-free and this person is the only one in the world with problems. (Sarcasm is currently dripping from my voice and threatening to flood the room.)
Now, as a tidbit of background on me, my father was SERIOUSLY manic depressive. For the first 12 years of my life I worried he would kill us or himself. For the next 10 years (once my mom and I were safe from him) I worried he would kill himself, and it would be my fault for not calling enough/loving enough/giving enough, etc.
I refuse to go through that again, ever. I will NOT live in worry about another person taking their life. I will tell them where to get help, encourage them if they try to... but I will NOT take responsibility for keeping them alive. Not now, not ever.
We had a LONG talk with the two Ohana members last night. After we confronted them about what they were doing, (lying to us, keeping a mentally unstable person in a house with a two-year-old, etc.) they decided to walk away from the Ohana rather than let us help them. They blamed it on us... (don't get me started on that. Don't EVEN get me started on that.)
I stayed at Brit's house last night after the talk... she cried, I cried... it felt like the friends we loved had died. I had known this was coming for a while... when I went to the Creative Bazaar in MA in October, these two betrayed my other friends, and continued to do that throughout the last month. I had cried and mourned the fact that we had lost two people we considered to be family... hoping against hope each time we saw them, that maybe they would apologize, and everything would be back to normal... but each time they betrayed us again.
So the ties have been cut, with a door left open so that if they want to not suck, they can re-join the Ohana.
And I am WAY proud of us! Brit and I are not the greatest at standing up for ourselves, or our needs... but this time, WE DID IT!!!!!!
7 comments:
Jana--you should be very proud of yourself along with Britt....you are so NOT responsible if others take their lives, destroy their lives, gamble with their lives..etc..
you can only be honest and offer your friendship...what they do with that is up to them. It is very difficult for those that you care and take in as family, to see them walk out of your life...but you cannot force people to be honest and open..cannot force your love on them...they made their choices now they have to live with their decisions..."hats off to you" Jana - you are much more brave then I am..I admire you sticking up for your own well being!!! take care of you -
Peace--Ellie
I agree with ellie, you gotta stand up for yourself. I will pray for you and the ohana as a hole. Since I found my faith this weekend!
Alison.
Jana, that is so brutal! I can't believe they did that to you, especially considering your childhood situation. You did an amazing job standing up for yourself, I know it can be brutally tough but it was definitely the right choice, one that a lot of people couldn't do but you did!
Jana - I'm sending thoughts your way. You did a tough thing - standing up for yourself. Sounds like you made the right decision though, and sticking to it is something you should be proud of! You can only help people SO far, and you cannot be responsible for their choices, only your own. Good for you!
That was a great thing you did. And you are right, it's not your fault someone tried to kill themselves. You were just a handy temporary excuse for the moment. Ultimately, people are responsible for themselves. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and breaking ties with people who were sucking the life right out of you. Maybe now you can have some peace and hopefully these friends will come to see the truth behind what was done.
I am so proud of you for standing your ground.
How dare they put that garbage on you! They have no right!
Suicide is entirely up to the person who is doing it. And it is shameful and cowardly for them to try and lay that blame on you.
Jana, you are such a strong woman. I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I know how much this group has meant to you. May your commitment to truth and lovingness open the door for strong bonds and loving relationships. My heart is with you.
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