Today, I'm contemplating an enourmous gamble.
A wedding in one month can't be done alone... it requires a leap of faith. Faith that those who have promised to help, will follow through.
I'm scared out of my mind... I live my life as independantly as possible at all times. I protect myself with isolation and self-sufficiency. I do everything I can to make sure I NEVER need anyone.
But right now, I DO need others. My friends all said they'd help any way they could... so tomorrow I am having an "Invitation-Making Party". (Bribe friends with food & games= get more help)
So far, one adult is definately coming to help, and one of "my kids" is coming to watch the adult's child. James should be able to be there, but I'm not sure how much he will be able to do, of the girly-swirly artsy invitation-making. And making the nice invitations is VERY important to me... I think being able to pull that off, knowing that my friends haven't failed me (at least, I hope I'll be able to say that.) will give the confidence I need to know that I can pull this wedding off.
I don't understand how I can work so hard to be the friend who never fails th others... and be so completely terrified that when I finally need my friends not to fail me... they will. I don't even know how to communicate to them how badly I need their help. If I am honest about how desperately I do need them, I feel melodramatic and needy. If I sugar-coat the need, they won't see how badly I do need them.
This is a huge leap of faith of me... and ya know what? I'm proud of myself for trying. And if they do fail me, yes I'll be deeply hurt, and disappointed... but I'll live. And maybe if they do fail, James's family will be able to help... *plotting alternative invitation-making strategies*
5 comments:
good luck honey ... i'm sure they won't fail you! xox
I think this is a huge leap of faith and I am completely impressed. I know that I never have high expectations of others because they usually disappoint me and then if they come through I'm pleasantly surprised. The way you're doing this by putting yourself out there shows how courageous you are Jana!
I think your leap of faith is awesome....I wish you all the best with your invitation project...I hope EVERYONE shows up for it!!!!
Keep us updated...and lots of pics!!!
Peace--Ellie
In the past I've done everything most excellently too...mostly to be "worthy" of love and appreciation from whomever I'm being most excellent for. so it isn't about them, it's about me.
Jana - you are perfect just the way you are, and your invitations, however they are, will be perfect for your wedding. Don't snarl yourself all up in this - enjoy it. Take pictures so you can remember it. And just say: I need you to help me do this. Can't do it alone. Not desperate or sugar-coated, just true. (from the Queen of independence and I can do it myself)
Yeah, agreed with tammyv, for sure. "Please, help" is so honest and what people would like to hear. You're not whining for the sake of pity. :-) /warm-fuzzies headed your way!
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