Last night was my second dance party, following a pre-party Waltz class. I struggled a lot, but I had a LOT of fun. I can now do some basic steps in: Foxtrot, ChaCha, Rumba, East Coast Swing, Merangue, and since none of us were giving requests to the DJ, we all learned a line dance.... which was surprisingly HARD physically. I was like... wow.
Talked to a lady there who teaches belly dancing on the campus I work at... she does that on Monday nights, so I may join the fun. They're free, and since this month will be my last regular dance class for a while as we save up money to pay for books for my classes in January... this might be a fun option for me.
I still don't feel like I have any control over my body... I still feel like the uncoordinated kid in the corner who people choose last for EVERY sports team. I wonder how long I have to dance before my body feels like it's mine, ya know?
I've become depressed. This new job, recurring grief over my dad, upcoming holidays, financial issues, combined with the normal crap (the house isn't clean, at all, because I've been depressed. I'm more depressed because the house is dirty. I'm depressed because I feel fat and ugly. Since I'm depressed, I overeat and just want to sleep all the time, thereby making myself gain more weight...) has just been too much. I need to talk to a doctor about happy pills, but that brings us back to the financial issues... I owe money to the doctor (stupid insurance switch at my old job, I didn't realized they weren't paying my doctor bills til it was too late.), so I can't get in to see her until I pay... and even if I did, I couldn't afford the prescription...
Basically, every area of my life is out of control... and I'm cracking. So, I'll go back to making collages, spending time with myself, letting myself heal... perhaps that will be enough to get me through.
7 comments:
WTG
I learnt ballroom dancing as a child
I LOVED the chacha best
praying for you
I pray that some $$ will come your way
what id try and do as hard as it may be to start is to try to clean a room a day
have you talked to James about all this
MASSIVE HUGS
Jen
hey - if you're so inclined, I gave you a Kreative Blogger award today..hugs
I wish I could make it all go away, but only God can do that for you.
Maybe you can find someone that offers free counseling? A lot of churches offer that.
I have you tried ST. John's Worts? It is a natural "happy pill" you can get it at Wal-Mart or any health food store.
I am praying for you, kiddo. Hang in there. There are a lot of people who love and care for you.
I was going to say what Leticia said in regards to counseling, which would be to pursue it with your pastor. The only thing that can help heal depression is time in God's word and worship regularly. Believe me I know cause I've been there, got the T-shirt, banner, commemorative calendar, mug, etc!
Instead of looking at all that is not being done around the house, try breaking it down into little chores/chunks that you can realistically do every day. Even if it takes a few weeks to get it back to "normal" it will be working toward something productive.
When does your insurance start at your new job or can you get it through James job? There are clinics for people with no insurance too, so check that out as well. I've been feeling like I need my happy pills again too with all the stress of Jon trying to find work, moving, pregnancy, etc.
Please feel free to email or call me anytime you need to. We will see eachother in a week so maybe we can talk about some of the stuff then?? I love you and I will be praying. I do understand where you are. Much blessings to you!!!
ok, I did that again where I forgot to switch to my user instead of my hubby's. Sorry!
Hi, Jana
Yea on the dancing!! I have taken ballroom for several years, & miss it, as our teacher was in an accident this summer! I currently have a blast with classes at our local Square dance club - they have 'round dances' classes on Mon PMs, & it's basically ballroom with a 'cuer' to tell ya' what to do - makes it easier on the guys!
Blessings on working with depression - as you say, it all goes in a circle - how challanging!!
I've never been much of a housekeeper, & am working on that myself - love the suggestions for baby steps on flylady.com . . . I'm working on clutter by bits, but am easily distracted (like my dau-in law says 'Ooo, shiny object!' :)
A nutrient that's helping a number of folks with depression around here (Oregon) is a higher dose of Vit D-3 (at least 1000 IU daily) which also helps lower risk of Cancer, reduce risk of falls, & lessens bone loss.
In the NW the Drs (NDs) I work with are suggesting 5000 or more for MANY patients after doing bloodwork; it's one with almost no negative side affects, & very inexpensive (~ $8- for 90 - so 3 mo. supply)
Motherwort is a delightful women's herb, in the mint family, & available in tincture form. One of my friends commented it 'puts a veil between me & what's bothering me' - but in a good way, doesn't make you feel 'fuzzy.' Suzan Weed writes about it on her site (whew - finally found it - I'm going to put the whole link!!) www.susunweed.com/herbal_ezine/Weed_letter_May-02.htm#surprise
Ooo, I'm showering you with Reiki blessings, & cheering you on as you dance your way home :)
the last part of that link (susan weed's) is: May-02.htm#surprise
:)
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