Today at 9:40 AM, my father passed away. We took him off the respirator yesterday afternoon, after his third stroke. The infections ravaging his body were getting worse, and he had bleeding on his brain. I spent the night in his room, just me and my dad... I needed that time. I can't explain to you how much that meant to me... to be with my dad, without having to fight for his love and attention.
Words can't express what I feel today... but I'm grateful that I got to say goodbye to him. That I got to tell him so many times how much I love him. That I understood him... that he wanted with all his heart to treat us right... but the "good Daddy" just couldn't control the bad one sometimes. I'm glad I got to spend the last days with the "good Daddy". To hold him, to stroke his arm, to tell him I love him. To know he loved me.
I'm grateful for the ICU community. The nurses who held me, relieved me, and stood by me when my family had to leave because of the snow & ice storms. The other waiting families who I laughed with, cried with, and who mourned with me as much as I rejoiced with them.
I'm grateful for my pastor, who seemed even more upset at this turn of events than I am. I'm grateful for his phone calls, for his support, for his love.
And I'm grateful for God, who held me close, who gave me time to mourn my father without the numbing of my "happy pills", who brought complete strangers into my life this week to love me and hold me, and who gave me peace as we struggled with the decision to take my father off of the life support. I'm glad my dad is now in His presence.
15 comments:
I am soooooo sorry for your loss.
((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))
You are in my prayers.
I love you girl
I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your dad, but glad that you got to spend some healing time with him. ((((hugs))))
oh jana, thank you so much for this beautiful, beautiful post. your strength and grace are shining so radiantly through this experience, like a beacon for us to follow. the pain of death and loss may be inescapable in our human lives, but forgiveness and Love are so much more powerful, and will ultimately wipe away all tears. may your gratitude and your beautiful loving spirit continue to draw more and more love into your experience as time passes. we are with you as you grieve, and as you continue to heal and to soar.
Love,
eliza
Ohhh Jana! I am at a loss for words. My heart is breaking for you. If there is anything that I can do, please let me know, okay?
I believe God gave you that time alone with your daddy to mend all the broken things that happened in your life and so glad, that you were able to find peace.
You are in my heart and in my prayers.
(((((Jana)))))
sending you my love ...
Oh Jana
Im so sori
God is good to allow you that time
you are very much in my thoughts and prayers right now
love you
BIG HUGS
God bless you and I'm praying for you. (((((hugs)))))
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
i'm so very sorry, jana. *sending hugs, love, and peace your way*
Jana - I am so happy you were able to get closure around this most important relationship. I am sorry for your loss, and in awe of your strength.
Sending lots of hugs and love.
Sorry to hear of your dad's death.
Oh, Jana, I'm so sorry for your loss. Eliza said it so eloquently--I couldn't possibly say it any better. I'm glad you were able to feel forgiveness for him before he passed...for your sake. Sounds like the hospital was filled with angels who were right there when you needed them. BIG HUGS.
Jana, I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you so very many (((hugs))) and prayers.
oh Jana I am so, so sorry to read this. I am holding you in my arms xoxoxo blessings and much love xo
Jana - I haven't visited your blog for a few days. I'm SO sorry to hear about the death of your dad.
Please take good care of yourself!
Sending positive thoughts your way.
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