My dad's wife called my mom today to find out how to contact me. She wanted a to tell me she was thinking about me, that she didn't go to the funeral because she didn't feel comfortable with Dad's family & his new girlfriend (Mom pointed out to me that SHE felt that way too, but she showed up!), and a copy of the death certificate. This means... that while I am now in debt from paying the funeral expenses medicare didn't, sitting at my desk smelling the chinese food everyone else got, but not able to even spend the $4 for a meal... (and one is delighting in telling me how great it looks and tastes and smells... never mind that when the others have been low, I have offered to give or loan money to them)... she will be filing on dad's life insurance that we couldn't find, and spending all the money on drugs for her and her spawn.
I am so hurt today. I need hugs.
I know the day will get better... I have a nutty bar in my drawer to eat this afternoon. One of the guys fixed soup beans (which I love) and is going to share them with me... much better than the TV dinner I have in the freezer lol. Tonight if I can handle it, I will have time with "my kids." I haven't seen them in almost a month!! Between bad weather, dad's illness & death... it may have actually been over a month!
I know that time will pass, I'll slowly heal... but right now I just don't see how I'll make it through this. Lies from my dad are catching up to me, lies from my uncle, dad's wife,... all thrown into the mix. James hasn't been through this, so he doesn't even know to call and check on me.
Now I've had my good cry at my desk... time to dry the tears, drink some Diet 7-up, and pray I can make it through the workday with no emotional breakdowns. Breathe in.... breathe out.... breathe in... breathe out...
10 comments:
oh - life just isn't fair sometimes. And at those times I usually allow myself a good rant and a lot of stamping my feet and much "ok - whatever lesson this is, I've got it, it can stop now," and such. As well as a good cry in the shower (and the pillow and etc).
I know you know this will pass. I also know in the midst of it, it's really really hard. Sending many hugs and hoping you can feel them. Hang in there.
Oh, And if James doesn't know to check on you, then you need to educate him. Call him and tell him you need to be checked in on (and claim some hugs while you're at it).
Oh Jana that makes me mad!!
Your dad's wife filing on your dad's life insurance that should be used to pay for his funeral Arrrrrrrrr!!!
HUGE HUGE HUGS
Yummm you enjoy that nutty bar I love nuts their one of my favourite foods them and chocolate
Also enjoy your time with your "kids."
Praying for you my dear dear friend
Jana - I wish so much I could give you a hug in person - and share some Chinese food with you! Gosh, sometimes people are clueless - but it's ok, as Tammy pointed out - to let them know you have needs, etc., too....I don't know all the circumstance and particulars of your state - but his wife should have been the one who was financially responsible for the funeral expenses and I would have been sorely tempted to mention to her that help was needed, especially since that insuramce was meant to be used for such expenses...Grrr! I hate when life is so unfair. Keeping you in prayer my friend, and sending you many virtual (((hugs))). Hope you're able to enjoy some time with your kids tonight and claim a real hug from James.
xoxo
aawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..... u do need a hug ((((((((((JANA)))))))))))))
Oh Jana! What horrid people you work with! I would have bought you lunch! ARghh...and now this thing with that step-mom of yours. That is just unethical.
BIG ((((HUG))))
Jana, do you know if the life insurance was to be given to the wife? Maybe your dad thought enough to put your name on it? I would also tell the wife that if she wants the death cert. she can go get it herself! I would also let her know about the expenses you had to take on and I think you might have some legal rights to her having to pay for the funeral since they were still legally married. ARRRGGG!! I am sorry for this!
I would tell James what you need. See, guys are stupid alot of times about what to do in these types of situations, but if you tell them, they are good about doing what you need.
You've been on my mind and in my prayers. Hang in there! It will get better but right now just take it one moment, one hour, one day at a time.
Love You!!!!
Hi Jana - ya got me down here sending lots of love & hugs to you... I am so sorry that you are going through this just after your fathers death. Life seems so unfair sometimes, you often wonder what you did to deserve all the crap.
I am always willing to 'listen' if you need to get it off your chest.. just email me xox
Running thru to check on you and send you cyber hugs...
sending you all kinds of warmth and hugs and love ...
Oh, sweetie, sending you the biggest virtual hugs possible.... {{{{{xoxox}}}}}}}
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