Today, I miss my dad. Today it hurts... to know I'm really getting married without him to walk me down the isle... to make jokes to keep me from being nervous, to tell me he's proud of how I turned out... to tell crazy stories repeatedly of my childhood humiliations...
I sat New Years Eve, listening to others talk about how their loved ones speak to them from the grave... and quietly retreated to a bathroom to cry. Even from the grave, I feel abandoned by my father. Even in death, his absense is a knife in my heart.
I know things will be okay... I know you all will say he's there with me... and maybe he is. Maybe I don't hear him because I don't look... Because the pain is too fresh, or too overwhelming. I know that when Saturday comes, I'll walk down the isle with James's uncle... I may cry because my dad isn't the one walking me down, or just snicker at the sight of Uncle Norman in a suit. I know that Saturday will be a day of new beginnings for us, a day of hope, a day for seeing dreams begin for us.
But tonight, I just need to cry a little.
6 comments:
HUGS Big ones for you
praying for you my sweet friend
Jen
Jana - it is wonderful to cry...your heart, soul and mind need it - your dad is with you - he is a part of your personality..your being...you do not have to feel him or hear him...he is apart of the you who exists today...
I hope all is perfect for your wedding..and it is a perfect beginning to a perfect occasion. Enjoy it all!!!
Peace--Ellie
Jana....all I'm going to say to you is BIG HUGS and enjoy your day in the sun. (or snow) hehehe.
Have fabulous day darling!!!!!
xoxoxox
Sweetpea
Well of course you do. Big Hugs. x
jana, it's totally understandable that you would be hurting about your dad right now.
sending some healing vibes your way.
your wedding day is almost here! o my! that came came so quick! good luck hon and have fun and remember to take a moment here and there to let it sink in and truly enjoy it (it goes by so fast!) xoxo
I'll be thinking of you on Saturday. Just let yourself feel whatever comes up for you...it's all okay...because it's all you. Sending heartfelt best wishes and congratulations on your wedding. May your life together be one of joy and peace and health and prosperity. xoxo
Post a Comment