HOLY CRAP!!!!!

I'm almost married... Wow!! Dude. That's just wierd.

I had an awesomely fun bridal shower Saturday... received some much-needed gifts (blender, comforter, kitchen utensils, cookbooks) and some much-loved gifts (hand-embroidered towel set, with cute wittle froggies.)

Still working on my dress... the tension was off, and so I had to rip out every seam and re-sew it. almost done fixing that, then it goes to Aunt Martha's house tonight to have the zipper put in. Then... we'll pin it where it needs tucked, sew the hem up... and we'll be DONE!!!! *happy clap*

So much to do in the next 5 days... and then I'll be a married woman! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!

Facebook?

I have become completely obsessed with facebook in the last few weeks. Are any of you on there? Let me know and we'll connect!

VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!

The dress material, is finally, PINNED!!!!!!!

Tomorrow Aunt Martha will check it over for me and make sure I have it pinned right... and then we'll cut out the pieces and begin SEWING! *happy clap*

Thanks Nina for all of your help and advice during the process!!! It meant SO MUCH to me.

Thanks Amy for letting me whine to you unceasingly.

Thanks Alison for checking on me.

Thanks Leti for lightening my mood IMMENSELY by distracting me with Star Trek conversations.

Thanks to all of you for helping me make it through today, and on to.... tomorrow!!!!! :)

Goals???? OMW!!!!!

I was happily going about my day (after realizing half of my depression was because of PMS!!! I've never been in such a hurry to have my period here... and gone! lol) when I saw this post at Ellie's blog.

And I realized....

Four days after this new year starts, I will be a married woman. A MARRIED WOMAN!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!!!

What kind of goals/resolutions do you married women set for your relationships?

I need to work on my new years resolutions for this year.... (*thinking* resolution #1 - Eat lots of chocolate)

Better Days...

Last night I went home, and SLEPT.... it was wonderful. I read half of a Star Trek novel, and then slept some more.

I did not do any form of wedding preparations.

And you know what? I didn't care. Lol

Today is a new day... full of Freecycle pickups as I clean the crap out of my house... dropoffs of junk at charities... laundry catch-up... and wedding dress pattern pinning. (I refuse to cut anything until my mommy has checked for mistakes.)

I've decided that I can't keep pushing myself like I have been... I've literally pushed myself until I've made myself sick... twice. The wedding will go on if my house isn't clean... my friends & relatives will deal with the mess. (It's not what I wanted... if I can't get the church decorated... if Brit can't/wont do my hair or the bridesmaids... if I don't get the church invited until Sunday... if I don't get all the invitations sent out that i meant to...

The wedding will not go on, if I am hospitalized for unmercifully abusing my body until it gives out.

Goal #1 of wedding preps is now to keep myself healthy and sane.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still seriously depressed... I think this is the worst I've been since my Dad died. I can't talk to anyone about it... when I try, I just get laughing comments about "wedding issues" and "Bridezilla". My friends have pretty much abandoned me, and I'm sure my mom is tired of listening to me whine.

So, I could use hugs today.

A Little Sad Today

Months ago, we all sat around with my wedding book... talking about all that we would do together, the nights sewing dresses and making decorations... all the fun we would have together....


Here I am today... alone. Making invitations... alone. Planning everything... alone. My friends helped me (with grumbling) one day with invitations. I've spent every day since then planning & doing wedding stuff.... alone.

Months ago, my house was continually filled with people. Now, when I need them, those people are nowhere to be found.

I had no idea that planning a wedding would be... lonely.

In happier news, some of my family have gone above and beyond in helping me... my mom spent all day Monday helping me get "moved in"... (Since I never really moved into the house after the roomate moved out, the house has gotten pretty chaotic.) She also helped me a TON with the dress. My cousins Debby & Amy are helping with a ton of details & reception things... which is a HUGEEEEEEEE help.

I guess, you really do find out who your friends are.

It's Christmas!

And I have the flu. Bleck.

Happy News!!!

Tonight I finished test wedding dress pattern #2!! It worked just fine, although rather plain at this point.

Now comes the fun part....

EXPERIMENTING!!!!!!!

I'll be trying out sashes, and tucks, and flowery embellishments, and all kinds of fun things!

A Night To Remember

Tonight was our company Christmas party... full of laughter, good food, and more laughter. I tried Rahmschnitzel, which is spelled wrong I'm sure, but tasted SO good. James tried jagerschnizel, which was okay. We had some black forest cake, which was.... interesting. (I won't get it again, next year I'll get the butter torte, which looked heavenly.)

What I'll remember most of all though, is what totally made my night. There is a man at work who I'm close too. He's a hunter, always cooking up some kind of venison creation... which, BTW, are DIVINE!!!! Deer Cheesyburger is one of the best foods I've ever eaten. Anyway, this guy is always feeding me, doing nice things for me...

Tonight was the first time he had met James, and they got along SO good. They chatted all throughout the meal... and at the end, as we were walking out to the car, this guy gave me a hug, and told me he really liked James and wished us all the best. That meant THE WORLD to me... since my father died, he's stepped into that role a little bit. His approval of James meant the absolute world to me... as did his threats to James of what would ever happen if James hurt me!!!! LOL

I am so blessed.

Relatively Calm

Today has gone a lot better than the previous days, so far. I am about 80% done with the invitations now... just a few more to glue, then check the names off of the list, and mail them out. Whew.

The next battle is getting the house clean... which is unfortunately necessary. Christmas day is going to be at my house, as is (I think) my bridal shower, and part 2 of my batchelorette party. Oh, and the night-before-the-wedding flower-arranging party. Can't forget that :)

So, tonights goals are:
*Mail remaining invitations - All but 7 are done, and those are in my purse
*Make Ramen for the animals (they love beef ramen! How wierd is that?!) - Done
*Eat - Done
*Clean the living room, if I have time left
*give myself a manicure and pampering session
*Watch NCIS - Done
*Sleep

Inside my Defenses

As the stresses of the wedding become more overwhelming, I am learning a lot about myself and my defenses.

Last Friday, when I was supposed to be going to get my marriage license application and planning Brit's baby shower, (and was actually panicing about how to get everything done) I made a quick stop at a thrift store to buy some little socks for baby Hannah. I found the bin of unsorted random baby clothes, looked for wittle socks... became annoyed by the disorder...

And began to fold and stack the baby clothes. By the time I left, the baby clothes were no longer unorganized in the bin. The little baby clothes were in a little stack in a corner. The toddler clothes were in neat, organized stacks, according to their gender, clothing type, and size. I wasted an hour or more of my precious time. I didn't make it to the courthouse in time to get the license. I only found two pairs of socks in the entire bin. But I DID feel better. I also got compliments (and wierd looks, obviously lol) from random people passing the bin.

Today I found myself scrubbing the sink at work, for no aparent reason. I just wanted it to be "right."

I've found myself withdrawing inside myself... spinning fantasy worlds to hide in. Always, there is a problem... a slave girl running from her master, a woman being beaten by her husband,... and always, I am able to rescue them. I always have just what they need. I'm always enough.

I'm afraid that in my "real" life, I'm not enough. The problems in my own life seem to multiply to rapidly to fix. Each time one thing is fixed, another thing or two breaks. I'm afraid that I can't rescue myself.

I'm realizing how brave I was to decide on a real wedding. Weddings are first and foremost social occasions. I know nothing about social niceties. This is the area of my life in which I feel the most inadequate.

I have no idea what to do about all of this... I don't think taking a higher dose of happy pills will fix this problem... I need to learn healthy ways to deal with these feelings of inadequacy. I need to to be "enough" for myself.

Invitations!!

Today is invitation-mailing day.... so I'm keeping you updated here with my progress: (which keeps me motivated and inspired)

Invitations designed: 50
Invitations pasted on: 50
Envelopes addressed: 52
Addresses to look up: 10 or Less
Envelopes for Brit to address: 6
Envelopes sealed: 45

Check back for more updates!

The Dream

I am in an unfamiliar nursing home. A person in a wheelchair in front of me turns around to chat. We have something we need to do, so we start down a hallway. Another person grabs her wheelchair, and begins to pull her down the hall. She turns and grabs my chair, and our little group takes off. I look in the doorways, searching for my grandma's room. This act feels familiar... I've dreamed this before. We pass my Aunt Ferol, and I duck my head. I vow that on the way back I will stop to tell her about the wedding.

The wedding is over, and the reception has begun. Suddenly I realize we haven't had the group photos done. I race through the church to find and change back into my dress. Along the way, I find my father and tell him to put his dress clothes back on. His hair and beard are dark, and he is healthy. I also find my mother, sitting in a wedding dress in a pew. I cannot, however, find my cousin, who is supposed to be doing these pictures. I complain to my mom "And people wonder why I don't trust my family... they don't get paid, so they forget things. I would forget things too." My aunt Barbara hears all of this, and nods in understanding.

I walk into another room, and hear the words "You may now kiss the bride!" I rush around my grandma's coffin, rushing to give James the kiss... but it isn't James. As I take his head in my hands, I realize it is my grandpa, blindly smiling at this. As I let him go, he leans down to kiss my grandma in her coffin.

I wake up, still surrounded by the gloom from my dream, to popping sounds. We have been heating the house with our oven, (leaving it on and the door open) to save on gas bills, just like my roomate and I did during the first part of our winter last year. This morning I realize the popping sounds are coming from the oven... sparks are coming from it. I hurry to shut off the oven, and the sparks subside. I feel ashamed... and distraught. I tried so hard to help our financial situation, and instead I made it worse.

I walk back to my nice warm "bed" on the couch... and stumble over my full glass of water. WHY DOES EVERYTHING GO WRONG?????

I look out the door, at the newly fallen snow... when i wake up this morning, the light will reflect on the snow, sparkling new and clean... the world will be happier, cleaner.... there is hope.

TGIF!

I am still here, alive, and functioning... went to the doctor yesterday and got antibiotics and an inhaler, so I don't feel any better, but at least I HAVE DRUGS!!!!!!! lol

I finished almost everything on my to-do list from earlier this week... still have a little cleaning to do, but I got a LOT done tonight.


Wedding plans are coming along... I have the invitations ready to print, and James is out getting me some new ink for my printer. And Taco Bell... *happy sigh* What a man!

Now I'm off to feast on my Taco Bell, get to bed... and get all my invitations mailed out tomorrow! YIPPEE!

The Best Laid Plans....

The best laid plans never work. Why do I try?

I stressed myself out last night with my to-do list, and about 9:30 I felt myself really getting sick... Now i've been sick since Thanksgiving, but this felt different... the coughs were deeper and a bit scary, and I'd started to have chills and stuff. So what did I do?

I laid down on the couch, with my little blankie... and watched Cane. Really good!!! But no sleep. And then I read, because I still couldn't sleep.

So today, I left work after being there for only an hour. *sigh* But I'm at home, Brit is here, Gracie is here, and we've declared it an ART DAY!!!!! *happy clap*

Deep Thoughts

So far, one of the things I am loving the most about the Week of Remembrance is that every night before bed, I am forced to stop... to take a good honest look at my emotions... and deal with them. For my normally detached self, this has been an awesome experience. I want to find a way to continue this emotional-exploration, long after this week is done.

At the moment... we have officially filled out our application for a marriage license, and have all of the paperwork ready for the wedding day. Several times throughout the day, we asked each other if we were really ready for this... it seemed so natural for us to be married... but suddenly the reality of the situation is sinking in. I'm committing to this person... to wake up to him every morning, to possibly have children with him... it's so exciting! It's so UTTERLY TERRIFYING!!!! Holy Crap. What am I thinking??? I know all brides-to-be feel that way, but wow. It's a bit scawy.

The pace of my life has been dramatically fast forwarded again, so today, I'm going to have to be very organized. I'm making myself a little to-do list and posting it here, so I can update it throughout the evening. That helps me SO much, to be able to tell you all what I've accomplished. (These will not all be done, BTW, but I want to make some progress on each of them and hopefully get some finished.)

Tonight's goals:

• Chat with Brit's aunt, to get help with the shower - Done!
• Invite all Brit's family, via phone, to the shower - Done
• Clean living room - 65%
• Type up invitations - Done!
• Find sleeve patterns for wedding dress. - Done, sort of! Found a shrug to make instead!
• Call cousins to figure out wedding stuff - Done! Chatted online.
• Eat - Done!
• Sleep - On my way to do that NOW! lol
• Watch NCIS - Done
• Pay electric bill - Done!
• Pay car payment - Done!
• Do Dishes - 60%

In Remembrance - Day 2

Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught
heart, and bids it break. - William Shakespeare

I don't know how to discuss my dad in my real life... I don't know how to explain that I loved him with all of my heart, and hated him with a violence few people can imagine me ever experiencing.

I say this is my first Christmas without him... you think of pleasant memories of Christmases gone by. I remember the warm fuzzy memories of Christmas mornings... the thrill of looking in the stocking and opening up the packages... eating Christmas breakfast together...

But by afternoon or evening, he always changed. His temper would erupt, he'd yell, scream, throw things... he'd threaten suicide, or murder...

My memories of him are all double-sided... the good husband and father, who ran as fast as he could from the pain he couldn't deal with... and the violent abuser, who took out the pain out on all around him.

Today James and I applied for our marriage licence... and for the first time, I wrote the word "deceased" next to my father's name. I feel so much anger at his death sometimes... he should have been here with me! I'm only 27... I'm starting my adult life, renovating a house, embarking on an exciting (but scary) adventure called "marriage"... and I need my Daddy.

I don't understand why he had to pass away when he did. He was getting SO much better, physically AND emotionally. He'd been taking anti-depressants, and was mellowing out quite a bit! We could talk for longer and longer periods of time, without our conversations leading into suicide or ramblings about his guilt from the past. I learned so much about him in the last couple of years... we talked about books, history, life... I'd finally stopped dreading the prospect of a future with him in it (will he ruin my wedding? Should he be allowed around my children?) and as he began to allow himself to heal, our relationship began to heal too.

And now he's gone... and I'm left here, to go on without him.

In Remembrance - Day 1

This week is The Week of Remembrance, and so if you'll pardon me for a bit, I'd like to share with you a little about my dad.

My dad was my hero for most of my life... with his easy laughter and teasing ways, he was a little girls dream. I remember so many good times with him... learning about how the engine of a mower ran, inhaling the scent of sawdust as we cut firewood, and the stillness of the woods around us as we hunted for mushrooms.

In spite of all of the evils he did, this is the father I miss... him hugging me to him, telling me that he loved me... teasing me about this or that... long evenings spent around the kitchen table with his friends, playing Uno or Euchre...

This year, I don't know how to grieve for the loss of my father... I can't mourn my first Christmas without him, since I haven't spent a Christmas with him in over ten years. I can't mourn an annual Christmas chat over the phone, since we rarely called each other during the Christmas season. My father was severely depressed during the holidays, and listening to his plans for suicide was NOT my idea of holiday cheer.

My feelings about my father are so conflicting... I'm not sure what to even feel. Especially during the holidays. I can't really mourn what was... but I mourn what never will be. I mourn his first time meeting my future husband... the look on his face when he saw my first child... him beside me as I walk down the isle on my wedding day... I mourn the Christmas dinners we could have invited him to, and the holiday spirit that comes to even the most depressed heart when children become involved in the celebrations. I miss his wisdom in helping me to fix up the house... the best hunting spots he and I could have shown to James... the hours they would have spent happily tinkering on cars together as I went about my days.

I miss the Dad I always dreamed of having.

My Friends Came Through!!!!

It's 1 AM here in JanaLand, and the house is quiet. After panicing all day yesterday, I woke up quite late this morning. Ran around the house in a panic, cleaning and trying to get everything ready for my long-awaited invitation-making party!

So, who showed up???


Baby Hannah showed up!!!!! And look, she was even wearing the hat I crocheted for her!!!

I held her for a while.....

Cuddled her and marveled at her cuteness... (and the cuteness of Jakey and Big Sis Gracie, who are in the background of this pic)

Watched her as she slept peacefully in my arms...

Oh, and some grownups showed up too!!!!

Brit, the great artist, is in the midst of a masterpiece. AND, she just started her first blog tonight!!! Feel free to stop in at her blog and read about her hilarious adventures.

My mommy (aka Momma Wall) and Kim were here too!!!!

After the initial time spent getting everything set up (the word "Bridezilla" was used several times... which hurt a little. I'm not sure why.), we got a lot of invitations made....

(Brit made this one.)

(I made this one!)

(I made this one, too!)

(Brit made this one!)

And had a lot of fun. I've missed my Ohana SO much... and it really meant a lot to me to know that I wasn't in all of this alone.

We have the bulk of the urgent invitations ready to ship out as soon as the date is confirmed. (Talking to the pastor one last time tomorrow. I'm worried about that, and not sure why.) Each invitation was made buy us, each one was made differently, and we had a lot of fun with it. My life's main stresses have been lowered to a level I can deal with, and after all of this, I'm glad I took the leap of faith and asked for help.

Announcing: The Week of Remembrance

The holidays can be a very hard times for those mourning a loss. The grief can make you feel so alone, and others may not know how to help you keep the memory of your loved one around through the normally joyous times.

This year, I would like to take one week to remember those who are no longer with us. A week to support one another, talk about those we have lost, and to show each other that we are not alone in our pain.

Would you like to participate?

The Week of Rememberance will begin Sunday, December 9th, and run until Saturday, December 15th.

Leave a comment here in this post, and I will add you to the list of participants.

Feel free to show your participation on your blog by posting this lit candle graphic (donated by the amazingly talented Suzie).


Post as much, or as little, as you want about the person you love through this week. Visit the blogs of others as much or as little as you feel able.

Lets support each other through these holidays.

Participants:

Ellie - A Mother & Daughter Prospective
Suzie - Suzie's Sacred Space

A Leap of Faith

Today, I'm contemplating an enourmous gamble.

A wedding in one month can't be done alone... it requires a leap of faith. Faith that those who have promised to help, will follow through.

I'm scared out of my mind... I live my life as independantly as possible at all times. I protect myself with isolation and self-sufficiency. I do everything I can to make sure I NEVER need anyone.

But right now, I DO need others. My friends all said they'd help any way they could... so tomorrow I am having an "Invitation-Making Party". (Bribe friends with food & games= get more help)

So far, one adult is definately coming to help, and one of "my kids" is coming to watch the adult's child. James should be able to be there, but I'm not sure how much he will be able to do, of the girly-swirly artsy invitation-making. And making the nice invitations is VERY important to me... I think being able to pull that off, knowing that my friends haven't failed me (at least, I hope I'll be able to say that.) will give the confidence I need to know that I can pull this wedding off.

I don't understand how I can work so hard to be the friend who never fails th others... and be so completely terrified that when I finally need my friends not to fail me... they will. I don't even know how to communicate to them how badly I need their help. If I am honest about how desperately I do need them, I feel melodramatic and needy. If I sugar-coat the need, they won't see how badly I do need them.

This is a huge leap of faith of me... and ya know what? I'm proud of myself for trying. And if they do fail me, yes I'll be deeply hurt, and disappointed... but I'll live. And maybe if they do fail, James's family will be able to help... *plotting alternative invitation-making strategies*

I DID IT!!!!!!!

I have officially not only started to make my wedding dress from the test material (freeform, because patterns make me want to shoot things.) but IT ACTUALLY IS WORKING!!!!!! After less than 4 hours of working on it, while watching TV, I have the design for the top done, AND the dress is the correct length!

If you want pics, you'll have to give me your e-mail addy though, since James DOES read this blog!!!!!! *waving to James*

But so that you don't feel TOO deprived, here is a pic of the bib I made last week. It's about the right size for babies over 4 months old, and was so cute that I'm making more for my etsy shop!!! A purple one and a pink one are currently being crocheted!

Wellness Wednesday

This week, I decided to join the bloggers doing Wellness Wednesday.

So, where am I, health-wise?

I am completely out of shape.

I drink far too much soda.

My immune system is very very weak.

I have a ton of energy! (even without the soda LOL)

My cholesterol is twice what it should be.

I have a habit of eating extremely unhealthy foods.

What am I doing about it?

This Monday, I made one small change. I stopped buying Movie Theatre Butter popcorn, and began eating oatmeal for breakfast instead. My boss had all kinds of good suggestions for ways to make the oatmeal taste better. The ones I've tried:

Peanut butter & Splenda (Kinda boring)

Peanut butter, raisins, & splenda (MUCH better!)

Craisins & splenda (Pretty tasty)

Tomorrow I plan to try it with pieces of cut up apple in it, and some cinnamon... mmmm....

Anyone have any other oatmeal suggestions?

If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all. - Anna Quindlen

Today is turning out to be a rather interesting day. The bosses are both gone at work, my coworker is gone, and all of my work is done. So, while the bosses are away... what is the Jana doing??

• Wedding planning! We've decided to try and move the date up... we wanted to have it on Dec 29, but that didn't work out... now we're talking about sometime at the beginning of January.
• Baby shower planning! Brit's shower is this Sunday, and I have so much to do! I'm way excited!!!
• Winter cleaning - my inboxes are absolutely PACKED with e-mails. Some are read and just not filed/deleted. Some are read and not replied to. Some, *blushing* are not even read yet.
• Remembering - Do you all realize that the comments you leave on my blog are e-mailed to me?? I have like 350 of them living in my e-mail inbox! Today, I'm going through them... reading them and feeling your love, and putting the best into a special folder.
• Bloghopping - it's been forever since I just randomly bloghopped!! I plan to do some of that today, as I read your comments.
• Enjoying - I have one chance to make this day a "success"... to make the most of every moment... and I plan to do it.

Ephiphanies

Sometimes I feel like I live my life in a fog... going through the motions of everyday life, detached from what's going on around and inside of me... and out of nowhere, a moment of crystal clarity comes.

This time last year, I had one of those moments. I sat at my computer, in the middle of the night... thinking about life, and love... and realizing that James WAS my one and only... my once in a lifetime. I remember how scared and excited I was... to realize that he was THE ONE. (It only took me 3 years... holy crap I'm dense sometimes!!!) I even put it on my goal list... and blogged about the results of that!

And now, almost exactly a year from that date... it happened again. James came over this afternoon and then left this evening... the house was quiet... I watched a Hallmark movie... and suddenly had an ephiphany. (Which was totally un-related to the movie, wierdly enough.)

Life is SO short, so fragile, and so totally unpredictable. We have one shot at this life... and there are no guarantees that tomorrow will come.

I can spend the next six months of my life alone, planning and dreaming of what might come later... or I can jump in, and live my dreams now. Tomorrow isn't promised... I want to enjoy James while I have the chance.

The Best Laid Plans....

Tonight I had a great plan... I would go home, and spend the evening cleaning my house. I would get as much cleaning done as humanly possible, so that tomorrow I'd be free to create and to put items on Etsy and Ebay. (Which I've been meaning to do for QUITE some time.)

And then I turned on the computer.

I got a message from Rafael, a guy from Brazil... a message I'd normally ignore. But for whatever reason, I decided to reply... and my evening changed dramatically. We discussed our lives, our countries... and the deaths of our fathers.

I've felt unable to grieve for my father this holiday season... I knew I needed to honor my grief... but I have felt so deeply detached from my grief. I knew that deep inside of me, I was hurting... I was dreading the holiday season... I was avoiding putting up decorations or participating in any festivities... I didn't want to deal with the first Christmas without my dad. I think the sickness I've had since the day before Thanksgiving may be related to it... my body's way of forcing me to slow down and grieve.

Today, as I chatted with Rafael, and read Shelley's blog... my grief finally surfaced. I am making plans for how to honor my father's memory this Christmas... to share the grief with others who knew him... and to find holiday joy through the pain.

To those of you who have grieved in the past, do you have any suggestions for honoring the memory of a loved one during the holidays?

Budding Obsessions

Yes, I do have new budding obsessions! Would you like to hear about them? Good!

• Crocheting is quickly becoming an all-consuming obsession! I've currently crocheted most of two bibs (gotta do the edges in a different color, then will scan pics.) and working on crocheting more of these cute little ornaments to put on my Etsy site! (in various colors and various textures... I think I'll sell them in sets of 6 or 12 of matching ones.)

• And speaking of crochet... I found THIS book at the library, and it teaches you about freeform knitting and crochet. Honestly, the INSTANT I saw this book, I KNEW it was what I'd been looking for! I'm hoping/desperately praying/expecting that this book will help me learn how to really put my HEART into what I do. I'm not satisfied to follow other people's patterns forever... I want to be the one MAKING the patterns! Or not even USING patterns!!! Talking about that almost makes me cry.
• And speaking of things that almost make me cry for joy... I'm obsessed with Earl Had To Die, by the Dixie Chicks. Click here to find the lyrics to it... listening to it makes me happy inside.
• And speaking of things that make me happy inside... it's time for me to to babysit Gracie and Baby Hannah for a couple of hours!!! Me and my yarn will return to you all later, after cuddling the wee one and roughhousing with the toddler!