I joined a project yesterday called Be Brave, where each day we do something that scares us at least a little.
Yesterday's scary thing? I have been planning (in my mind) a way to embellish little girls pants & skirts to make them extra-specially cute, but was afraid to let myself try because screw-ups cost money. So yesterday... I went to Walmart (where they had a YARN SALE!!! WOOOO!!! I am now stocked up on more yarn than I can ever dream of using.) and grabbed 2 patterns for girls pants & skirts, some leftover navy courderoy material, and some crochet thread to make cool stuff with for the clothes. (Tonight I'm cleaning, but by tomorrow I should have some pics to show of things we've started!)
Today's scary thing?? Today was my second appointment with my therapist-type-person. We went really deep this week... talking about my parents and my past. She had asked what it would look like for me to not need counseling anymore, and I couldn't tell her. So I thought about it more, and gave her a list today of three things that would tell me I didn't need counseling anymore:
1. No longer detached from my life & my emotions.
2. No longer emotionless when I want to feel deeply
3. No longer afraid I'll hurt too much and lash out at people I love.
Talking about number one got deep... how I learned to detach myself so young, to protect myself from the craziness in my life. I wanted SO BADLY to stop talking... to change to a happier subject... but I just grabbed my yarn, and crocheted a baby hat like crazy, as tears rolled down my face. It hurt SO BAD, to talk about how things had gone so wrong... It scared me to feel the tidal wave of emotions that surfaced. But I pushed on, and have another appointment in two weeks. And each day, I am supposed to give myself 30 minutes to worry... so this should be interesting. OH! And I have homework to do that she gave me... (Some pages she printed off for me about stress management, with some questions to answer... I'm actually looking forward to this. It gives me something that I can do to help myself on a daily basis.)
Now it's 9PM here, and I'm feeling a burst of energy coming on. Tonight's goals:
Finish cleaning the bathroom- Done- Wash & put away dishes - 85% done
- Wash & fold clothes - 55 % done
- Put away/ hang up clothes - not even started
- Clean off desk & table - 55% done
5 comments:
i'm so glad that you've decided to join in on being brave. i wish you luck on your journey and look forward to seeing what you decided to do.
much luck to you, brave woman! :)
I'm back, Darlin' Think I'm really headed in the right direction and hope to be around more. So, just wanted to let you know that you are a sweet, brave, wonderful woman, made so much more precious because of all of your pain. You are loved! And being brave enough to confront all of those emotions will be painful, but will be such a blessing in the long run. Now, if you want to work on embellishing those jeans and skirts, you know I am the Embellishment Queen, so give me a call and we can work on some projects. Sorry I won't be able to catch up with you at the Craft Fair, but we can still chat on the phone. I have lots of ideas for you, and you really don't even have to push your bravery TOO far to try them. Love you, Sweetie, Nina
I saw this recently didnt really sound like me but good for you go for it
Praying the councelling continues to help you
well done for that clean up
keep going for it girl
I heard something just recently, about how people sometimes need to go to counseling to get out the ugliness, by talking about and thus, actually living through the pain with their feelings. It's a weird concept, having to relive the past to put it firmly in the past, allowing yourself to experience the pain, so you can put it behind you. Then you can move forward knowing that you made it through the worst and you're stronger than it ever was. Praying this happens for you, that there's no need to be detached for you, anymore. Even if it maybe takes some work for a long time. :-) /hug
yes you are brave and strong!
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