Ohana Life, Art,

Wierd things have been happening to me...

Our "Ohana" (the group of people who are like family to me, but not related by blood) has grown dramatically... and I don't know how I feel about that. AMAZING things have been done... we have talked about ALL kinds of stuff since the expansion. We've prayed together, had Bible studies together, discussed sex together *giggle*, eaten Chinese food together, ...

And I am entirely flipped out. I wasn't ready for our Ohana to grow... I liked it as it was. I'm absolutely terrified that I will be abandoned. I'll do something stupid... and they'll leave me. And take Kim with them... and I'll be alone. I know it's completely irrational... James is with me, regardless. Kim and I promised that no matter what happens in the Ohana, our friendship will last. But in the depths of my soul... I am still afraid. My inner child has curled up into a ball, waiting to be rejected.

So, this is what is going on inside of me...

But I've decided that rather than sit back and wait to be rejected, or look for reasons to reject others first, so they can't reject me.... I'm going to do all I can to keep us together. I'm going to pray for our Ohana, and try to stick everyone together whenever I can. If our Ohana DOES end up disolving... it will NOT be because I didn't try.

Life seems so much less depressing when you are being proactive! *feeling a surge of Super-Jana power!!!*