I don't know what it is about Thursdays. This is the second Thursday in a row that I've felt like I'm drowning in a sea of depression. The second week that I've sat at my desk at work, and not been able to hold back the flood of tears.
Grief is such a crazy thing. One day, you're on top of the world. Everything is going right, life is going well, and all the sudden everything crashes out from under you.
Today my co-workers wife called to tell me she's sorry about my dad's death, and just to see how I was doing and let me know she understood. I couldn't hold back the tears... sometimes just knowing that someone remembers your pain is so powerful.
I hate feeling like this. My coworkers think I'm a baby when I can't hold back the tears, and to be honest... sometimes I think so too. But what else do you do?
I think that life is like a pendulim (sp?)... it quietly, swings back and forth, making a little rhythem... but sometimes life comes and *THWACK*s it good, and it takes a long while to get back into the normal rhythem. That's where I'm at today... swinging back and forth, but knowing that each swing will be a little less dramatic than the last, and knowing one day I'll be back in my rhythem.
9 comments:
"Thwack" days are kind of uncomfortable.
Your coworkers can just deal, because you lost a parent, for heaven's sake! That's rough. Even now, almost ten years later, I'll cry about my grandma's death. I can't imagine what it would be for one of my parents. /shudder I think you're holding up amazingly well. God bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you. *hugs*
Don't be so hard on yourself! Your still in the early stages of grief and it is a process. Let yourself go through the process even if it means crying at your desk or taking a break to the bathroom to really let it out. Your co-workers sound like jerks. At least some of them do.
((((Jana))))
You have experienced a tremendous loss. Everyone grieves differently so don't be so hard on yourself. Crying is just a part of the grieving process and very, very natural.
I am sorry that your co-workers feel obligated to point out their misguided, heartless opinions.
awwww...((((HUGS))) I agree. You have experienced a huge loss and everyone handles grief differently. It has not been that long at all. If you need to cry you just let it out girl. (hug)
You know what I would do ? I would tell the co-workers to go take a hike. You have lost a parent just recently - you are allowed to cry whenever you want, then you will dry your tears and then you will cry again and cry some more... it took me ages to stop feeling like that after my dad died. be gentle with yourself, snuggle when you feel like that - comfort the little girl who lost her dad xoxo
and email me anytime xo
When I was 29 going on 30 (30 came and I didn't even see it) my mom died suddenly. I lived in Florida. My husband said: don't cry it will upset the baby (daughter) so I kept a stiff upper lip; my dad needed me so I didn't cry. for the funeral I took a lot of pills and didn't cry. But in my dreams every night I dreamed it was all a mistake and cried and cried - in my dreams. After about 2 years Momma came to me in a dream and put her hand on my head and said "Tam, really, it's ok."
Even writing this makes me tear up and it's been 30 years. 30!
Give yourself a break. you're fine. you're normal. You're grieving. Don't try to get over it or feel better or keep a stiff upper lip. Let those feelings out. You've earned them.
hugs
oh Jana
your coworkers are insensitive grrr
it hasnt been that long since your dad died there bound to be rough days
Big Big Hugs my friend
give yourself time
Our Lord says He will comfort those that mourn
Jana, I hope you got my e-mail - I was thinking about you - just couldn't comment at the time. Still sending (((hugs))) for whenever you need them!
Anyone who thinks you're a 'baby' for crying needs a good thump on the head. It's called FEELINGS...and they often wash over us in waves and cycles. They're your feelings and you're entitled to them. Grief is a PROCESS...and it takes time to move through us. xoxo
Post a Comment