I haven't posted about grief in a while, so I thought that "in the interest of full disclosure" (Jami said that to me once, doesn't it sound cool?! LOL) I would tell you about what's going on with me.
This has not been a good week for grief. In fact... it has been horrible. I told you all that I was home sick from work Monday... and I was sick. But i didn't say home from work because I was sick... I stayed home because Sunday night I grieved... I sobbed so hard I could barely breathe... and Monday morning I couldn't go to work because I was sick, AND had a headache that would just not quit from the crying binge.
Since then I've been okay, except repeatedly dreaming about my Grandma. She had a stroke a while before my Dad did, and seems to be doing really bad. Yesterday she couldn't remember my mom's name, or how many children she had. But I think that was just an exceptionally bad day. Either way, as soon as I get over this cold I've got to go see her.
Grief is just overwhelming right now. And the realization that my Grandma will not be around forever is adding to that... I feel the need to hide deep inside myself, but I'm trying to fight it. Overall... today I need a hug.
9 comments:
Jana it is going to take time to get through the grieving process, don't rush it, sweetie, just take it as slow as you need.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Consider yourself hugged.
Grief is a hard thing. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve!
Oh sweetie Im sori
BIG BIG HUGS
this happened to me twice. I think it is because I didn't take the time to grieve properly when the people concerned died.
the first was when my Nan died. a few weeks after she died - I just burst into tears and could not stop - I sobbed and sobbed for days. It was awful and people thought I was having some kind of mental breakdown. I just felt like my heart had broken.
the second time was when my dad died - I was the one who organized his funeral, the one who was notified of his death, the one who took the problems of it all on.
I didn't have time to grieve and one night in bed - it burst and I sobbed all night. I woke the same as you feeling sick, tired and emotionally drained.
but - I felt lighter. Dear Jana - just GO WITH your emotions and don't worry..
sending lots of angels to your grandma - to be with her and to wrap her in their love xo
ps - email me if you need xo
(((((Jana)))))
warm arms reaching out embracing you ... hug
grief is hard and when it hits hard, it can knock you over with the pain and then other times it walks gently beside you alongside your joy ...
be gentle with yourself
warm hug
Sending lots of cyberhugs and good thoughts your way~~~~~~~
hugs. many many many hugs. bear hugs. quick hugs. soft hugs. long hugs. arms wrapped around you hugs. kiss cheek space between hugs. hugs.
Sweety (((hugs)))
Can I make a suggestion? Take some time away from any activity in your life right now that is not absolutely necessary. Use that time to channel your grief into art, poems, pray time, etc. Give yourself room. When people ask you to do stuff, say NO! I can't take on anything right now. Allow room in your life to take the time to grieve the loss of your dad. It goes back to that dream you had where you went away to cry and someone asked you to do something and you went ahead and did it instead of grieving. Please take time out for you. And yes, go see grandma as soon as you can. I know she would love it even if she isn't 100% sure who you are. I love you lots and will be praying for you.
I'm sorry I'm seeing this post 10 days late...but sending you a big cyber-hug nonetheless. I didn't want to go to work yesterday (after hearing about my aunt)...but knew I had to...and it all worked out well because now I can take all of next week off. But the big clue for me that I was 'stuffing down tears' was that I would suddenly hear myself sighing, loudly. It was like I had to keep gulping air...to keep them underwater (so to speak). Grief needs to be LET OUT. I'm glad you did that for yourself.
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