April Showers...

As I drove to work, I pondered on the fact that I rarely let anyone love me, support me, or help me. When my father was dying, my Uncle cried in the doctors arms... and I stood, with my arms crossed over my chest, apart, alone, holding myself. This is how I live my life. When I need help the most, I walk away from everyone who can help... and huddle in a ball in the corner.

For April, I am making a commitment to myself, to be open to the love & support around me. I talked to James today (he came by to bring me a dozen roses, for my birthday, and surprise me.... I love him so much.) I told him how happy I was to see him, and how badly the week had sucked... I didn't get to rant to him much, because he couldn't stay long, and I had customers coming in and the phone ringing... but it's a start. I told Kim last night how depressed I'd been this week. (Hers had sucked too, so we commiserated lol) I'm slowly but surely letting go of my isolation.

As part of my commitment... I commit this month, to being extra honest here on my blog, about what's going on with me. This month will be hard, and I need you all.

This month will be:

• My dad's birthday (April 22)
• Spreading my Dad's ashes (April 22?)
• My birthday (April 2) - This date has always depressed me... most years my dad never even called, and in spite of my "He doesn't matter" attitude... it mattered. Every year.
• Repairs before the loan can go through
• The loan & associated stresses
• A new roomate?
• Spring... everything about spring reminds me of my Dad. Mushroom hunting, trees growing, thunderstorms...

Plus all of the other stresses of daily life. I'm a little afraid of this month, to be honest.

This month, my commitment to you all is:

• I will be honest about my emotional state.
• I will ask for support when I need it.
• I will make extra-specially-sure to share my "ups" here as well as my "downs"... to tell you all of the funny things, joyous moments, and wild crazy adventures that happen along the way!

Some things to look forward to on my blog during the month of April:

• More Stupendous Quotes Quizes!
• Wednesday Warm-Fuzzies will be back, letting us all happily bond together, as well as the standard GTKY questions from the CAC blog (Given to us this month by Mimmsical Tammy! YIPPEE!!!)
• I have a NEW blog idea that I'll be trying out soon... we'll see if it works! Look out world, here I come!!!!
• More Mushroom Hunting Adventures... and assorted nature photos from along the way!
• April goals. I'll try to get Kim & I to figure out our goals for this month... I like to run things past her, because we are WAY alike, we are also WAY different in some key ways. I think she helps me be realistic, and yet have hope.