You take the good
You take the bad
You take 'em all and there you have
The Facts of Life
(That's been stuck in my head, for no apparent reason. And yes, the lyrics are probably wrong. Deal with it.)
This has been a MAJOR roller-coaster weekend... awesome highs (hanging out with James, grabbing some art supplies, hugs from Jakey, organization progress with Kim), dramatic lows (no happy pills because they're in my drawer at work, depression, and major failure at my painting lesson with James's aunts), and in betweens (bought 2 skirts at a second-hand store, did some artsy things, made a new friend, ...)
The worst part of my weekend was seeing my dad's doctor at a store... I was completely and totally NOT prepared for that... the woman who helped us make the decision to take him off of life support... the one who did so much for him... the woman who seemed as upset by his death as we were... I told Kim, and she just kept on talking as if she hadn't heard me (did she hear me? I'm not sure.) Finally I told her I was going out to the car... and I went out and sobbed. Eventually she came out, and I told her what had happened, and she just kept talking... as if that was just an everyday occurance... as if my pain didn't exist. I know she didn't mean to do that... sometimes there just aren't really words to say... I spend so much time being strong, the one everyone else (in my "real life") can depend on... I don't think they know how much the stress has been tearing me apart lately... and I don't know how to share.
But I survived... and I'm here, and I'm happy, and life is good.
I'm taking deep breaths, knowing that a new week is in store for me. I have a whole new week to enjoy! I'm printing out my list of dreams for this week, to decorate and hang on the wall. I have 7 more days to work toward my hopes and dreams, to feel sunshine warm my skin, to make a difference in the world around me.
What more could I want?
8 comments:
what more could you want??? a hug (can never get me enough hugs) and some ice cream.
love ya girl...
I'm so sorry things were rough this weekend. *hug* I mean, there are people out there who just don't know how to handle other people's grief, which may have been how your friend Kim is. Just be patient.
In the meantime, hey, you have an awesome swap going on.
So hello and have a great day!
Your Ravenclaw Prefect,
Kirstin!
Sending you lots of cyber hugs!
Go and treat yourself to a nice hot latte or a mocha chiller with lots of whipped cream and chocolate syrup.
I think sometimes people are not sure what to say when something like that happens. Maybe Kim was not expecting your reaction? I don't know, just a thought.
Another thought. No one is asking you to be strong, or to be the one everyone depends on. (Or if someone is, they need to be shot!) Those expectations I think come more from your past and I know it's hard not to bring them to the future! Believe me I know! Just be you. Whoever that is today, just be that and nothing more. Everyone else just needs to deal!!!!
(((((hugs)))))
Hoping and praying this is a better week for you, Jana. (((HUGS)))
I ran out of happy pills on the weekend so I had to go and get some more I hadnt realised I was getting so low
Im praying it will be an awesome week for you
and know that had I been there I would have given you a
HUGE MASSIVE Hug
Im sori Kim didnt
the experience you had...the emotions you felt
you don't sound stuck there...
don't sound dragged down
you are here...you survived..
I see strength in that...
I think this says alot...
the wounds/hurts were there...but
it sounds/feels like you have forgiven much...
sharing can be good for you...conquering the fear...being you, being authentic...(what people think of when they think of sharing...would be interesting to know.)..
but I think sharing can also be eye-opening for the other person...the more of that ...the more likely they will understand and perhaps, the more likely they will over come fears...
how to say the things that are important to you...and when...these are skills I want to master...sometimes i read something that I feel says much of what I am thinking...and in a way that I think would be meaningful to my husband...I have asked him to read a couple things..and share that I feel the same way...
..there was one post not long ago(one of the few I have shared with my husband) that was about sharing ...the full range of human emotions...the difficult, unhappy along with the fun, good...I have tried to locate it...thought I had saved it in my favorites...it was a daughter sitting down to talk with a mother over lunch, I think..
.really wish I could share it with you...it came to mind immediately as I read your post...but I just can't do it justice...
we can't help always, how uncomfortable someone might be...but can feel comfortable with ourselves as we share...I like to think that I am more and more comfortable..maybe I am actually healing some wounds...and so am not worried about being triggered to an old hurt when I share...
1. Flower
2. Sandy
3. Curious George
4. Puss in Boots in Shrek II (Banderas, yum yum)
5. ?
6 ?
7. ?
8. Toto
9. I'm too old for this one
10. Ooh, the Lion King but you know me - the exact name? duh um.
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