Right now I'm feeling warm and fuzzy beyond measure. M and I had the BEST talk last night on the drive home... she's really opening up, and healing. Right now I know it's hard for her... facing the things in your past always is. But healing always comes when you face your hurts head-on.
Our talk humbled me, and made me really look at myself in the mirror... I've spent a lot of time giving myself to others... helping them to grow, to heal, to expand... but at the same time, I've put up walls so that no one else can do the same for me. I've shut people off from several areas of my life... finances ("I don't need to hear how 'irresponsible' I am!"), spirituality ("I don't need to hear how 'unstable' I am!"), and self-care (or total lack there-of). These are areas where I have the most hurts and insecurities... the areas where people can actually hurt me, if they so choose. They are the areas that are BEYOND out of control, so far out of control that I don't even like to think about them, let alone share with others. I'm so horribly critical of my own self, that I don't need anyone else to jump on the bandwagon, ya know?
Today I'm pondering how to find support for myself as I support others... how to find true friends in my "real life" outside of blogs, and how to allow myself the vulnerability to be supported, without giving others the power to shatter my self-esteem.
3 comments:
I'm pretty irresponsible with my finances. Bleh. /sigh
I'm so glad M is opening up and healing, and that she can do that with you, dear friend. :-)
im praying for you my friend
good for you honey !! hugs!
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