Who am I
Layers of words
actions
responses
A marionette
strings wound to others
A mirror
reflecting what you want to see
A chameleon
showing you only the parts
you will love
I hade the dark parts
the hurts
the pain
the depth and intensity
of all that I am
Today I am thinking about authenticity - who I am, who I project, and the gap between them. I realized today that the people I work with don't even know that I am hyper. I am OBVIOUSLY hyper - everything about me radiates intensity and energy... but I've managed to water myself down, camoflauge myself, enough that no one at my office has a clue who I really am. My professors would praise me - calling it professionalism.
I question myself - Is this really the way it is supposed to be? Is this what I want to present to my clients? A shadow, a shell of a person? No. I just can't accept that.
I am in a program of study that teaches us how to lift people up, how to empower people to rise above their struggles and be the best that they can be... yet we are emerging from the program as broken shells of the people we once were, stripped of our confidence and of the voice we claim is so important for our clients.
Somehow, some way... I will find a way to fight this.
3 comments:
praying for you
do they break you so you know how it feels??
No, I think they break us because they think we suck, and because they think we need to be strong for our careers. They use the breaking to "weed out" the people that they don't like or think are weak.
I hope you are able to find some common ground with them, Jana. Sometimes we have to adopt an alter ego when in a professional setting and while it may suck, sometimes that's what we have to do to keep our sanity -- and out TRUE selves. :)
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