Today, I am so freaking exhausted... I have no energy, and just want to nap. (Which is bad, because I'm at work lol)
Yesterday was one of those crazy days, where everyone suddenly needed my support. One friend was having panic attacks about stuff coming up in her life, and one friend was facing a crisis in her family and didn't feel like she could take it. (Well, those are the very simplified versions of what was going on with them. The whole stories are a million times more complicated.) I came home from work to one need, and by the time it was dealt with, the second one was in full swing. I finally got to bed about 11:30 or so, and still worried about the second friend. I'm not sure I did enough for her, not sure I was enough for her, and wondering if she'll be okay.
And all the while, I carried my own worries, my own anxieties... with no "friends" to support me. It made me want to write a poem, so I did.
Strong
Floating in an ocean
Voices around me screaming for help
No one else seems to hear them
I'm afraid!
I need your help!
Don't leave me!
I'll die without you!
Hands reach for me
Grabbing on to me
Holding on for dear life
The weight of their lives
Begins to pull me down
I fight
I paddle
Slowly I begin to loose strength
I beg them to let go
Learn to swim!
You're pulling me down!
We'll all drown this way!
They begin to argue
Pulling me in different directions
Each unwilling to let go
Exhausted
I begin slowly to sink
They never notice
Until I'm no longer there
To hold onto
This is basically what my "friendships" currently consist of. I see this, I acknowledge this, but I am afraid to reach out to find healthy friendships for myself. I consider myself too broken to have friends that don't need me... I see myself unworthy of friendships that aren't based on what I can do for another person. One thing is for sure though...
This can't continue. I can't let myself be drained down to nothing again. I can't sob into my husbands chest repeatedly because I let friends hurt and take advantage of me. It's not fair to me, to my husband, to our marriage...
Let the boundary-setting begin.
14 comments:
To me, the most telling part of your poem is:
They never notice
Until I'm no longer there
To hold onto
You already know that's what it's going to take, at least for a time. Hang in there, don't give in. It's going to be hard, but it will be worth it in the end.
Do set those boundaries
and Lean on Him
Hell carry you though
Jen
I've let go of so many frienships over the years. Currently I have one very close friend. She has been my best friend for more than 15 years, and always will be!
My other friends have so much drama in their lives... I was always the one to go to if you had trouble, but never the one to go to for just fun. I got tired of it being a one way street.
I'm better for my tiny circle of friends, than I was when I had huge numbers of needy friends!
Hang in there!!
I can so relate to what you are saying. I used to have a tendency to attract 'needy' friends who are always in such straits that when I am down and out, they are too deep in their own misery to give me the support that they always know they can expect from me.
But, I had to learn to set boundaries. To help when I can, to say no when I can't and to find friends who aren't broken. It's hard. I think there are those of us blessed (and cursed) with the gift of empathy and good listening. God wants us to use it, but to be careful while doing so.
Praying for you to feel God's hand holding you up.
Blessings.
oh honey, i have so been there and then when i went through everything with my babies 2 years ago, there was no one for me .... set some boundaries honey, its a good thing, xo
Great poem Jana and I can relate. It's interesting what happens when you pull away your support or you need theirs and see what happens. That's when the truth is usually revealed. A lot of people are just takers and suck the life out of good people who will help them. I just kicked one of those to the curb recently, so much better! It hurts but it's worth it.
sorry hun - I know I have not been around - still trying to recover - but I wanted to say - you need to set some major boundaries with your friends - I know you are loyal to them - but then you are left with nothing for yourself and your marriage and that can really interfere with your happiness....you set the limits - do not let your friends set them....do what is right for you - not them!!!
Hugs--Ellie
I guess a lot of us have had to be the lifesavers and it can be very exhausting.
You must set limits because if you don't you will drown.
It's tough, but it can be done.
You deserve more, Jana. You're a beautiful person with a warm heart and a playful spirit. You deserve to be treasured.
Girl, you need to put up some boundaries. Have you heard of the words "no" and "stop it". Real friends will always consider you as well as themselves, those who aren't will take, take take.
How are you feeling today?
I hope you really do set some serious boundaries and after what I saw of your "friends" at your wedding, honey it is LONG LONG LONG over due. You need to start looking for real friends, maybe find a couple from church to invite over for dinner or to play board games, something!!! These "needy" people need to go dump their crap somewhere other than on you. I think your "today I feel crappy" fits because you keep allowing yourself to get crapped on. Flush the toilet of these people in your life and move on to something better. You deserve better and you are WORTH IT!!! I'd be your friend even if I wasn't your cousin if that is worth anything.
There is a book about setting bounderies. I will see if I can find the exact title and let you know.
Kind of know today how you feel right now!
Here is the title of the book I was talking about: Boundries: When to Say Yes and How to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life. At one time, ebay had the book so you may can get it cheaper through them.
I have a friend that is doing me kind of the same way. Always a drama, and ever faithful ears me to hear her pour her heart out. My time for that-I have to fight to get the opportunity!
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