I have so much to say... so little energy to type it... lol
I've been without Prozac for three weeks now, and it's going okay. I can't say that it's been great, but it has been bearable.
The pros: Higher sexual interest, higher energy level
The cons: Insecurity, nervousness, lack of focus, some moodiness.
This weekend was busy but good... We got a ton done in the house (the kitchen is scrubbed down completely, except for one cabinet, and ready to paint!! We got rid of so much stuff that the room echoes! LITERALLY!), we visited his family, I painted my first acrylic painting, we watched some movies, we lounged in our jammies for a while... it was a nice weekend.
Through it all, I noticed two major things that I think were caused by my lack of happy pills:
*I have been feeling deeply insecure. Poor James has spent this weekend reassuring me about pretty much everything. I feel insecure about every area of my life... I feel so inadequate. In my head, I know that I am enough... but doubts still nag at me. At night, when we lay down, I find myself needing him to hold me... I need it so bad that it hurts. I want to stay in his arms forever and never leave.
*My nerves are on edge. Perhaps it's from the lack of sleep, the busyness, the pressures of so many things needing to be done, the fact that the harder we work on the house/yard the more things need to be done... we're constantly falling farther behind,... but it does not take hardly anything at all to set my nerves off. Basically I'm a nervous wreck at the moment. I'm guessing part of that might be because I fell off of the anti-caffine wagon, but some of it is caused by no happy pills.
It's been three weeks... and if these are the worst I get without the pills, I think I can handle this. One day, one step, at a time... I'll make it.
We're still semi-trying to get pregnant... I know it seems insanely soon, but I'm 28 and I have endometriosis... so really, if we want to ever have kids, we need to get busy now. Then if we can't, we'll still have time to consider other options. (Surgery for the endo, adoption, in vitro, etc.)
In funny news, at my sis-in-law's baby shower this weekend they played a game using these itty-bitty plastic babies... Aunt Nannie told me to keep mine and put it under my pillow as a fertility charm! LOL So, yes, if you look under my pillow... there is an inch-long little plastic baby calmly inspring my eggs to GROW! GROW! Hahaha
6 comments:
And drink raspberry tea! That helps with fertility a lot. Medically speaking. Magickally speaking, eat nuts and seeds. Carry seeds in your pockets. Pinecones are also fertility charms.
I hope you're feeling better soon Jana. It's a hard time leaving medication behind but you're doing it despite the side effects which are so emotionally painful.
You will get through this my friend.
Gosh, I am sorry you are having a hard time dealing with so many emotions without your "happy pills." Don't fret, kiddo, even those of us who are not on meds, have bouts of depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. You are so not alone.
And for the record, I know that you are a beautiful, talented, sweet-natured, compassionate, loving person. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
And I love ya!
im praying for you Jana
wtg re the weekend
HUGS
LOL at the itty bitty plastic baby! You still have LOTS of time to have a baby. I had Mikaela when I was your age, then Isaac and Grant in the last 3 years at age 34 and 36 respectively and I still want more! Insane, yes, but I do. I have friends who had babies into their late and early 40's, even later. I have done the fertility treatments, and all I can say is YUCK!!! That's how I had Mikaela. The others came on their own, which we weren't trying in the sense like taking your temperature to make sure you ovulated, etc. It will happen:), but the fun part is trying!!!!
I had my kids at 28 and 32. There's plenty of time. And all those things you're feeling? Maybe it's an intensity thing, but believe when I say I deal with them regularly. And loooonnnnnggg down periods (and my doctor really really really wanted me to go on Prozac but I didn't want to)...and eventually I go up for a while and then I go down and then I go up and sometimes it's waaaay up and sometimes it's waaaay down and sometimes it's not...I always thought that's just the way it works (they didn't have prozac when I was younger. They had Valium. I tried that for about 2 days once and then figured I was better off without it). You're fine. I read you all the time. You are the most level headed person I've met in a very long time. You're doing great. Trust yourself and stop 2nd guessing your feelings.
LOL That's so funny about the "fertility charm" thing. There are so many things people will use as charms, etc., to get pregnant. It took me 2 1/2 years to conceive my first, and after that, getting pregnant again happened FAST! So take heart. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust in God and He will hear your prayers.
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