So, how did my intervention go? I waited until the drive home, because I didn't want to ruin the trip... I didn't call her on the lie, but I did tell her that as of mid-Feb, whether she decided to spend her tax money on a car or not, I was done giving rides (except to church, and then only to church and food on the way). I explained that I needed to know that people like me for who I am and not what I do, and that I didn't want to be always asking myself if I was being taken advantage of.
She asked why I was waiting so long. LOL (I told her because I didn't want to tell her that when I knew she wouldn't have money to change her situation until Feb.)
Along the way, I realized why I keep a friend who is so obviously dysfunctional in my life...
Because I can be myself with her. Completely, totally myself, 95% of the time. She and James are the only people in my life that I feel this way with. With others I'm performing, striving to be good enough, to be accepted, to be what everyone wants. Since this friendship is so dysfunctional, I don't NEED to be accepted... because I'm needed. No matter what I do, I'll always be valued... because I'm needed. And even if I wasn't needed... this particular friend is almost always okay with me being completely, wholeheartedly, me. She gets when I don't want to talk, when I just want to stay in my house, when I compulsively crochet as I listen to her talk (and she knows that YES, I am listening). She doesn't think I'm wierd when I say something stupid or backwards... She gets that I'm sometimes restless and moody... and although sometimes she makes me want to throw objects, other times being with her is one of the most relaxing things in my life.
I'll be analyzing the friendship issue further throughout this weekend.
3 comments:
Well, apart from the earlier issue she sounds ok to me from here, someone who accepts you for who you are is great. Maybe you just need to be more truthful with her about your feelings? Hope it goes well...
I feel your pain Jana on feeling used! Have a deal going on with a friend that has me feeling the same way sometimes.
You can still be friends with her, just not be her personal driving service. And you can end the rides NOW. She can take the bus to get where she needs to go starting today. You don't have to wait till she can do something about it, you do something about it!
Being needed/used by people does not equal real friendship, even if she "gets" you.
Post a Comment