Or
Not ALL of my friends suck.
(Don't you love those cute little retro book titles? "John and the Painful Adventure, or, Never Tease a Grisly Bear" hehe)
This weekend was bad... I already posted to you about one friend lying to me and taking advantage of me... another one said something to me that was just... TOTALLY out of bounds. I was beginning to wonder why I bothered with friendships at all, if this was all I was going to get out of it...
And then a different friend came over. She saw I was upset, and asked what was wrong... listened to me rant, shared my anger at the situation... and then when I was done we talked about her problems. She also offered to help decorate my house with me for Christmas! I felt all kinds of loved, and realized that no, not all my friends suck. Just most. lol
So, you're probably asking yourself, "why doesn't Jana make new friends who don't suck so badly?" I asked myself that question too, and will now analyze the reasons:
1. I was a sucky friend in the past, and still see myself that way. I was selfish, and sometimes downright emotionally/verbally abusive to friends in the past. I still know that I have potential to hurt people this way again... and tell myself I don't deserve friends because of it. HOWEVER... although I have potential to hurt people, I don't do it... I don't even yell at them when they DO deserve it! lol
2. My house is not clean and has so many (big) problems, I'm embarassed to invite anyone over. This is completely true, and partially unavoidable. My house DOES have big problems, but most of them are in rooms guests don't enter. The only remaining severe problems are in the bathroom... (the seal beneath the toilet broke AGAIN. *sigh) and we have reached the point where we are calling a plumber on Monday. The toilet will be fixed, and we're going to price having the tub/sink piping redone and finding & replacing the leaky hot water pipe. For the first time in a year, we may be able to take real showers! *happy dance* And the cleaning? I just need to get the house clean, and see how clean I can keep it. If I do my best, and it's still not clean, then people will just have to love me anyway lol But I believe I DO have the ability to keep my house clean, I just have to teach myself how to do it.
3. I'm wierd, and I always say the wrong thing. This is probably true, and unavoidable. Especially with the stresses in my life at the moment, my mind and mouth don't always have the filter they are supposed to have between them. I may loose some friends because of this... but they would be true friends if that happened, now would they?
Okay, I'm sure there are more reasons buried deep inside my little psyche... but I need to finish the dishes and get my lazy butt to bed. Nite everyone!!!!!
7 comments:
you're right Jana, people may do things to hurt you but that's the beautiful thing about having a choice/free will, you don't have to do it in return. I applaud you for not stooping down to their level. btw there are alot of people out there who don't have perfect homes. Dh and I are gradually doing up our house, it's taken us 5 years so far and we've only done the tiling, kitchen, and interior painting. Bathroom, carpet, curtains and outside deck to go. I can't wait to see yours when it's finished :-)
You know what? Your expectations for yourself are way too high. We are all dorky. We all say the wrong thing. We all let our filters slip (hey, I'm an Aries - the child of the Universe. Ask me about filters and I'll give you a blank stare). And redefine friend. By definition (mine and didn't I just say I say what I think?) a friend is someone who loves you no matter what. You can be who you are (why be anyone else? Then *you're* lying). Love yourself first and you will attract others who love you. Like me. =] From afar of course. Have we done the deal needed to get me a nice green blanket for my upcoming grandchild? If not, let's nail it down. And in case I don't get back: May your Christmas be merry and bright (me, I'm celebrating Solstice. today the dark starts its retreat. Yes!)
Hey Jana! Thanks for joining in the fun with the Meet n' Greet! It's great having you along!
I hear you about friends, but like both the previous commenters said, cut yourself some slack. No one's perfect! And, it's the imperfection that I find most interesting and binding with my friends. If they were all perfect, hell, we'd have nothing to commersate about.
And the home? If you aren't comfortable with it right now, meet friends out. Or, at their place! It gets you out, and sometimes, that's what helps the most.
Sending you lots of hugs! Here's hoping Christmas is incredibly special for you!
:) I sent myself by to say hi today...
Do you know, if you have just 5 real friends by the time you die then you have read a very rich life indeed. Unfortunately most people are not real friends but it sounds like you have at least one real one. Cherish her and I am sure more will follow :)
Netchick sent me to say hi.
On the house cleaning bit-have your heard of Flylady? It's pretty neat. I used to follow it pretty close till my back messed up.
I like your brand of "weird". :-)
I think there are those who make friends easily and then there are those who have a heck of time finding one and keeping then keeping them.
So what if you house that is a bit messy or has things wrong with it. A true friend comes to SEE you not your home.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, SWEETIE!!
Post a Comment