A single friend is at my house taking a pregnancy test because she missed a pill.
I've been trying to get pregnant for months and months....
Do I suck because I feel like throwing things at her?
UPDATE: It seemed to be a false alarm (Though she is not positive, since it may just be too early for the test. Personally, I think it's probably just pre-period symptoms.) and she has gone home. I still want to throw things at her, but I maintained a friendly and joking demeanor, and so on and so forth.
Now I'm just tired, and in need of pleasant dreams and a hug or two. With this week's paycheck, I am going to pay off my doctor, and try and put some money in a secret savings account for roof repairs. Once the roof is completely fixed, or we KNOW we'll have the money to have it completely fixed, I'll go to a fertility specialist. I'll also be able to get my thyroid and things checked out... and be able to see MY doctor again, instead of visiting a random clinic.
In sad news, I still want my mouse calendar. I cried thinking about it today... I don't understand what it is that I really want, that the calendar means to me. Safety and love, maybe... or just the candy inside the calendar lol
4 comments:
no you don't suck, not at all.
HUGS
praying for you and James
Hey, don't freak out because you haven't gotten pregnant yet. It doesn't mean a thing is wrong with you. It took almost a year or so of trying (by taking basil temperature and tracking periods) for me to get pregnant with Gwendolyn and I had to take a mild fertility pill to get pregnant with Mikaela (which btw, I got from my midwife, not a specialist).
The other 3, well they were all God planned so what can I say?
I will say this, God knows when the right time is for you to have a baby. In the mean time, get your house stuff done, definitely get the thyroid checked (it affects ovulation big time!) and let God make this baby in His time.
And have a piece of candy. I think your missing what that calendar represented to you and I really hope you are able to find it.
Love ya!
I wonder too Jana ...you know me...I feel there is an emotional component to every "problem". Is there any reason...even hidden or subconscious that you do not want a baby. It might help to make a list of why you want a baby and why you do not. We usually have mixed feelings about giving birth. I did. I think everyone does...motherhood changes everything and parts of you may still be calling for healing before the intensity of a baby comes along. Love you!
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