- Fear... my roomate has offered to sell me her house, and me just take over the loan and the deed. James will help me renovate it, and we'll have fun in the process. But I don't know ANYTHING about getting a loan, a mortgage, or that kind of stuff. I'm so scared. And she wants to move so soon, I can't wait forever to make the decision.
- Fear... because James is a big risk... because I don't know if it's faith I have in him, or just stupidity... because I want a forever kind of marriage... because I want all that God has for my life... because I can't trust myself to make the right decision.
- Fear... because I feel like I have no one to turn to so many times in my life. I feel so very alone in the practical things in my life. How a person gets a loan, how a person buys & sells a home, and how to do this whole relationship thing....
- Fear... because the decisions I'm making will change my life FOREVER. If I make the wrong choice, the consequences will follow me the rest of my life. If I don't make the right choice, I'll miss out on so much!! I WANT IT ALL! lol
Hmmm... that reminds me... what do I want?
- Love - I want love in my life. Love to give to others & the strength to give it. Love to give to friends, to family, and to those who are hurting. I want to receive love too.
- Adventure - I don't want my life to ever get boring! I always want to be trying crazy new stuff! Going new places! Doing nutty things "just cause I can"!
- Legacy - I want my life to impact the lives around me. I want my life to give others the hope, help, and resources they need to change their lives.
- Spiritual stuff - I'm honestly not sure where I want this to go. I believe that God wants to give us more spiritual stuff. And when I say spiritual stuff, I mean things like... annointing (the power of God added to your life)... discernment (God telling you stuff you couldn't otherwise know)... love beyond human love... but I also believe you have to want & ask for these kinds of things, and I'm not sure what I want to ask for. I'm afraid of my spiritual potential. (I'm afraid of my spiritual potential... I need to analyze that later. Hmm.)
- Healing - I want to continue to heal from the past, and I want to help others to heal as well. That's REALLY deeply important to me...
- Teaching - I live and breathe to teach. It doesn't even matter what I'm teaching... I just love to teach. Taxes, crocheting, foreign languages, Bible lessons, it doesn't matter... I love to teach! I always want to have something that I can teach to others.
- Growing - I always want to be more each day than I was the day before. I want to learn to excel at what I do. I don't want to become stuck in a rut! I want my inner woman to keep reaching for the stars!!!!
6 comments:
Jana - the only "wrong" choices are the ones we don't learn from. My first relationship was awful (half my life awful by the time I left) and it gave me the greatest gift of understanding I've ever received - walking away from it. sometimes you just have to jump. And trust your gut. Your gut has all the answers if you'll just listen to it.
About houses and mortgages and such - been there, done that. Send me an email if you want to talk particulars (I'm a HUGE fan of real estate, and no I don't sell it, or provide mortgages for it. It's just a smart move investment wise). I'd be happy to share everything I know - which is probably enough to be dangerous.
Great joy in the new year!
Buying a house is a huge step and responsibility so I can understand your anxiety over it. Before you decide to buy this house, I would definitely have it appraised and see what kind of work it needs and how much it will cost. And pray,pray pray!
I know everyone wants love in their life and there are many of us who want it more than others, and I am one of them, I guess it is a need to feel validated? I don't know.
And the spiritual side, I want that above anything else in this world.
We are two of a kind, kiddo.
Jana, you can always talk to my mom about the house thing, or any of us cousin types. It is a BIG responsibility and it is not one I would take on if you are already struggling at all financially. You would be amazed at the amount of money goes into fixing up and upkeep of a home. Why is the roomie wanting to get rid of it soon?
Fear keeps us from doing things we should do. It is better to make a decisions and still feel some anxiety over it than to just sit back and let fear keep you from being/doing all God has for you.
I want more spiritual stuff too, but sometimes I am not sure how to get there either.
Hang in there!
Easy for me to say this having never owned a home...but from what I've learned from all of my homeowner friends...that decision (at least) doesn't have to be forever. If you buy, you can always turn around and resell it if you want to. ;) As for the rest, here's hoping you can find the answers within yourself that you're seeking. Hugs to you.
Pray and take some of the advice from the other commenters.
My prayers are with you my friend
I've found that the more I read scriptures and pray, the more I see how God is leading me. Sometimes he leads me in a specific direction, sometimes he lets me decide where to go. But he ALWAYS loves me. Even when I'm not paying as much attention to Him as I should. :-) Soooooo, your blog isn't about ME, it's about YOU! I think you are awesome, and God will show you where to go.
love,
Jami
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