Remembering

Last night I dreamed of the past... the swimming pool of the school where I grew up, and kids I knew.  Today I thought of my cousins - childhood memories of a place where I was loved and safe. I played on a computer for the first time in their house - I remember the excitement of typing letters and seeing them on the screen! My cousins were a lot older than me... Tracy by 8 years, Ed by 6 years. Their house was not clean, and their dad never screamed. I loved it... I loved the smell of the bathroom, manly soap in the air. I loved the fact that Tracy's room was dirty, and no one cared much.  Their parents comforted me when my dad was acting crazy at family functions, and somehow managed the miracle of being able to take me to Walmart with them. (For my extremely over-protective father to let me out of his sight with anyone but my grandma was nothing short of amazing.) They let me buy something for myself, just because.  I chose a single of Amy Grant. 

Their house was one of the few places where I never remember my dad being angry.  We all tried out their new Nintendo, and even my mom tried Tetris and fell in love with it!  I read my first books about ghosts and other creepy things there, and I was even allowed to borrow some to read at home!

My childhood was complicated, and so are the memories... but its amazing to me how just thinking about their house makes me feel safe. I want to make my house that kind of place, for my neice and nephew, but also just for myself.