So you're probably wondering how my vacation is going, and why I am not on here posting more! Well, I think I am suffering from the worst case of holiday depression on record, and I frankly want to pretend that Christmas is not coming, and that most other human life does not exist. This semester was rough on me... intense semester last spring, classes all summer, and then classes this fall that really just sucked the life out of me. I did okay... no anti-depressants for the entire semester (trying to keep the body clean of as many chemicals as possible as I try to get pregnant). I was strong, I made it through things that broke others around me... until about 2 days before the end of the semester, when my shield couldn't hold any longer, and everything broke down. I cried in the office of a professor. I began having panic attacks at least once a day. I wasn't in a good place. I'm still really not in a good place, actually.
So how am I dealing with it? Well, first of all, I'm taking control of what little I can, and scrubbing my house until it sparkles. The bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen are done! That's half of my house!!!!!!!! I'm sooooooooooo proud of that! Tonight I will work on the living room so that the floor is clean enough to rearrange my books and maybe even make some new crafts that require floor space. I'm experimenting with new foods, trying new crafts... and basically "faking it til I make it" for the moment - living like I am okay, and hoping eventually I will be.
In happier news...
Hehe I crocheted mints!
I have also tried to learn ASL and Spanish over the holiday break - trying to study each for at least 30 minutes a day. Having a blast with the ASL actually, and struggling through the Spanish til I find a funner way to learn. Maybe I'll try reading some of the books I have in Spanish.
Anyway, that's all for now, I'm off to try and cook this recipe along with an experimental chicken dish.
So how am I dealing with it? Well, first of all, I'm taking control of what little I can, and scrubbing my house until it sparkles. The bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen are done! That's half of my house!!!!!!!! I'm sooooooooooo proud of that! Tonight I will work on the living room so that the floor is clean enough to rearrange my books and maybe even make some new crafts that require floor space. I'm experimenting with new foods, trying new crafts... and basically "faking it til I make it" for the moment - living like I am okay, and hoping eventually I will be.
In happier news...
I have also tried to learn ASL and Spanish over the holiday break - trying to study each for at least 30 minutes a day. Having a blast with the ASL actually, and struggling through the Spanish til I find a funner way to learn. Maybe I'll try reading some of the books I have in Spanish.
Anyway, that's all for now, I'm off to try and cook this recipe along with an experimental chicken dish.
3 comments:
praying for you
xoxox
Oh man, that all sucks Jana! I'm so sorry, sounds like you are seriously burned out. Cleaning does wonders, doesn't it? I often turn to cleaning to give myself a sense of control too and BTW, those crocheted mints are the coolest!
I have had one of the worst years in my life too. Just keep going. One day at a time. I had to succumb and take meds, so impressed you are going au naturel and good job on those biscuits! So glad you liked them.
Thanks Jen, I appreciate that.
Suzie, yeah, burned out is a good way to describe it. I'm impressed that you are taking meds - to me, it's much better to realize that you need them and take them than not. I think it gives your mind a break, so you can heal and rest for a while. If I'm not better by the time school starts again, I'm gonna have to go back on them and put off trying to get pregnant for a while. I can't take this level of anxiety during my internship and school.
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