Exhausted, I laid down to sleep
I was transported into another world
One long forgotten
I was a child again
Smal, vulnerable
Terrified
I searched and searched for my mom
Terrified of what I would find
My father said only
That she was in a restaurant
He wouldn't tell me where, or why
I was trapped in a van with him
Powerless
Terrified
Trying to stand up for my mom
But afraid of the consequences
Trying to tell someone, anyone
who would listen and help
I woke up from this nightmare, completely shaken. This was one of the first times since I married my husband that I had to wake him up from a nightmare... and the first time I had to just have him hold me as I cried. The scene wasn't real... I never wondered if my dad HAD killed my mom.
As an adult, I had pushed the experiences with my dad into the background of my mind... forgetting the terror, the powerlessness I felt knowing I lived with a man who had the potential to kill. Waking up from that, I feel so shaken. I have sat and cried... how could I forget the little girl I once was, and the things she had survived to get here?
The feelings from the nightmare were like a tidal wave that I was completely unprepared for. A tsunami in the middle of a beautiful sunny day at the beach.
How much of the life I have made is just running from the pain of the past, pretending it isn't there? What else have I forgotten?
I was transported into another world
One long forgotten
I was a child again
Smal, vulnerable
Terrified
I searched and searched for my mom
Terrified of what I would find
My father said only
That she was in a restaurant
He wouldn't tell me where, or why
I was trapped in a van with him
Powerless
Terrified
Trying to stand up for my mom
But afraid of the consequences
Trying to tell someone, anyone
who would listen and help
I woke up from this nightmare, completely shaken. This was one of the first times since I married my husband that I had to wake him up from a nightmare... and the first time I had to just have him hold me as I cried. The scene wasn't real... I never wondered if my dad HAD killed my mom.
As an adult, I had pushed the experiences with my dad into the background of my mind... forgetting the terror, the powerlessness I felt knowing I lived with a man who had the potential to kill. Waking up from that, I feel so shaken. I have sat and cried... how could I forget the little girl I once was, and the things she had survived to get here?
The feelings from the nightmare were like a tidal wave that I was completely unprepared for. A tsunami in the middle of a beautiful sunny day at the beach.
How much of the life I have made is just running from the pain of the past, pretending it isn't there? What else have I forgotten?
2 comments:
Dreams like this are really terrifying. I have nightmares about my dad but I have grown to see them as reminders not to be like him. Every time I have one, I am reminded, and in some way, that helps me to be stronger. I really hope you will find peace from your pain and bad memories. Sometimes it is better to forget some things.
I like how you think of your nightmares... how you use them to make yourself better and stronger. Thanks for giving me something to think about. *big hug*
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