Frustration!

So life has definately changed here... and I don't know how I feel about it.

I love/hate not working and studying.  I love not needing to leave the house, but I miss the social interactions with classmates and I miss the structure my days had. 

I don't know if it's the fact that I have less social interactions, or if it is the fact that I'm not longer on "happy pills," but I feel very vulnerable.  I am much more worried about rejection from my husband and friends here, and really feel insecure. 

I know that this is the path my life is supposed to take... I know that the things I'm doing this summer (making my craft business, getting off happy pills, changing how we eat, etc.) are steps vital to the next steps in my life...

But they are SO. FREAKIN. HARD. 

My friends are fighting with some other neighbors.  Maybe they are mad because I'm not fighting with them... maybe they aren't... maybe they are mad that I told one of the "enemies" that the dryers on the 4th floor are currently free... or maybe they aren't mad at all.  I thought the two of the women in the unit beside me would be my close friends... but one stopped talking to me and the other... well, I thought we were closer than we were, and I ranted to her about another person (she seems to be a huge pain in my but, so I will give her an official name on my blog... we will call her... EvilNeighbor.)... maybe she told the other person what I said (should have kept my mouth shut, I know.) or maybe she didn't, but she doesn't seem to show any desire for a deeper friendship... or maybe she doesn't think she can trust me, because I ranted to her about EvilNeighbor.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH social life is driving me crazy.  And EvilNeighbor is driving me crazy. What the heck... why can't people just live at peace with others???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Okay, that may have made no sense... but I'm so freakin' insecure, which was my point.  I know that the amazingly confident Jana who I was on meds is still in here... the dose of pills was so small, it cant' have changed me that completely... so somehow I just need to reach the person inside, the Jana who is calm and confident, the Jana who took all of this social crap in stride and didn't worry about it.... 

So how do I reach her?