What should I write about?
I really hate that question. I'm trying to blog faithfully, but I feel like all of the emotions and deep things I would like to blog about are buried deep down inside. I actually feel like somewhere deep underneath all that is going on now and all that I am thinking and feeling on the surface, I'm crying inside. I feel lonely, but I don't want to call anyone. I want connection, but I'm afraid of it at the same time. I want to make myself too busy for friendship, but I want friends... I just don't want to be rejected or have drama. Friends stress me out when I'm not medicated... the work that goes into making all of my friends happy is overwhelming sometimes.
I know, I know... I don't need to make everyone happy... but having someone unhappy with me feels very uncomfortable for me. It goes against every fiber of my being.
Maybe I should practice making people unhappy, just for fun. Anyone want to be my victim? hehehehe
I really hate that question. I'm trying to blog faithfully, but I feel like all of the emotions and deep things I would like to blog about are buried deep down inside. I actually feel like somewhere deep underneath all that is going on now and all that I am thinking and feeling on the surface, I'm crying inside. I feel lonely, but I don't want to call anyone. I want connection, but I'm afraid of it at the same time. I want to make myself too busy for friendship, but I want friends... I just don't want to be rejected or have drama. Friends stress me out when I'm not medicated... the work that goes into making all of my friends happy is overwhelming sometimes.
I know, I know... I don't need to make everyone happy... but having someone unhappy with me feels very uncomfortable for me. It goes against every fiber of my being.
Maybe I should practice making people unhappy, just for fun. Anyone want to be my victim? hehehehe
1 comment:
Wow do I know exactly how you feel. Every bit of it I could have written. I wish I had some sage advice but I don't. Right now I am at the place where I just try to stick to myself and my own business and be friendly to those whose paths I cross, but not get too close to anyone. I ALWAYS end up hurt. I wonder if EVERYone feels this way sometimes? I just thought I was losing my mind lol.
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