Growth from the Ashes

So here I am, back to blogging.  The last two years of my life were like a whirlwind of activity.  Marriage, work, school, church, friends... it seemed to suck up every moment of my life. 

How, you may be wondering, do I have time to blog now?  Well, the answer is very long and complicated, but the answer boils down to the fact that my life has kind of fallen to pieces around me.  I put way too much of myself into my friendships, and it didn't really go so well.  I made mistakes, I badly hurt one friend, and somehow managed to badly hurt another as I tried so hard to help her... I showed too much of myself, I let people get to close, and they saw my weaknesses.  I put the relationships that mattered on a backburner while i pursued these new friendships.... I forgot how good it felt just to spend night after night alone with my husband, my God, and friends who I trusted. 

Now I'm sitting alone on the computer, in the middle of the night. My confidence has been pretty much shattered, and I am spending a lot of time asking myself "who are you really?"  I've seen some really bad things in myself through this process, and I know I really need to make some changes. I'm entering a time in my life where I just want to be alone in my house, with my husband and my computer.  Friends are good, but I don't really want anyone close for a while.  I need some time to heal and regroup. I want to deep-clean my house, make yummy foods and fill my freezer, make a million different artistic creations, get my spiritual life back on track, and just generally be okay with my own company again.  I haven't written poems or created any new art in so long... no wonder I feel like my soul is unraveling around me LOL